This is a letter i wrote to Tom tonight. its quite long...
heya Darling,
One year Sunday,
Crazy that.
So much has happened uet i still remember that friday as if it was yesterday. We were all in maths when someone came up and told Mr.Mayne that there was an extended break becasue of an emergency staff meeting. By the time the words were out of their mouth i knew. I said to Tilly who was sitting next to me. I know what it is, i don't want it to be it but it is and she said it was proabably something to do with Mr.Simpson leaving, i said it couldnt be because none of the staff knew about it. When the bell went dor the kreak think there was only one thing on my mind, i needed to find sarah. She was a prefect, she would know what was happening she would be able to confirm my fears or tell me that it was all in my head. O remember bumping into smee, i was in floods of tears by this point and almost hysterics, i needed to know what was going on. When the bell went i went down to Art. I could tell as soon as i saw MrYates that my fears were right. He told us to go in and not to take our folders out, he would talk to us as a class. When everyone was in he said we had to sit and when the three bells went we were to head down to the hall and sit as a class.. Balls to that. When the three bells went, yeah we all headed to the hall but we didnt sit as a class, i don't know who was siting on one side of me but on the other was my music man, Mrs Ross was the one to address us all. I can't remember what she said exactly but it went along the lines of "you were in his year group, you should be the first to know" and "passed away" i was already in tears and so were quite a few others who had worked out what ha happened before we were told. But as soon as she said the words "passed away" it was like someone had put a blanket over everyone. Everyone was in floods, well almost everyone, Mrs Ross told all to hold hands before she actually told us. I'm so grateful that mm was there, he didnt cry either he just held my hand and then when we all stood up he gave me a huge hug.. Then i took a deep breath and went back to art. When the few people who came back to art arrived back Mr yates was asking if he could do anything, if there was anyone we wanted to see, he asked me if i wanted to go see my sister, i did want to see my sister, just not the one he was refering to. I wanted to see sarah, i wanted to see her more than anything. I asked if i could go and he let me.. I went to find her and at first i couldn't find her and i can't remember when i did but all i wanted to give her the biggest hug of all time. After i had found her amd that, my thoughts turned to squirt, she loved you babe, she really did. First sarah and i went outside and sat in the rain with everyone else. when the bell went for lunch they still hadnt told her. i went inside and when i saw her... i dont remember what was said but it was said all the same. It was horrible she practically collasped. o fe;t so bad for her. I think it was at that point that i took another deep breath and put my own emotions to one side, everyone else needed me more than i did. So i started going around everyone, tears still spilling down my cheeks telling everyone it was going to be ok. At one point i turned to TIlly and realised she was doing exactly the same thing. With a grim smile an da quicl hug we parted and continued in our attempts to regain control on a completely helpless situation. When i walked up the stair for third period the school seemed threateningly quiet, a lot of people had gone home. i got to french and there was 6 people in my class. I sat in my seat and blankly copied vocabulary. About ten minutes into the lesson Rachael left, i finished my vocab so i started to draw. I drew the faces of people i didnt know but knew how i felt. when i was finished i dated it and added fresh tears to the ones that i had drawn on the page. Then it was lunch, i cant really remember doing much apart from what ive already said, so there isnt much point in trying to tell you about an hour i cant remember. Then i went to RE, probably the best thing to happen to me all day. Mr Thomson talked to us, about you, about grief, about the people that hardly knew you yet had gone home. It was at that point that i knew that the people that cared, like really cared had stayed or come back. Because who wants to be at home crying on your own when you have your friends at school that cared about you. I was there, Christine was there. She was so brave that day, i cant describe it. how she managed it i dont know it was incredible, she still is. Thatsall i cared about being at school with the people that knew you. After RE i had history. By this point i was no longer visably upset, that was totallyat the back of my mind by now, i needed to concentrate on making everyone else smile. So i bounced into history and asked what we were doing that day. And it was cally at that point that i will never forget she said "Emily, how do you do it? you bounce back and make everyone around you feel better" what she said will stay with me for a long time. It made me want to help even more. That lesson we didnt do very much, we played hangman, talked about you and listened to music, it settled our thoughts i guess. Then when i got home mum came in and i told her that me and amelia had decided to go up north anyway, and it would probably help. she asked me what i was on about and i was like "didnt catriona tell you.. it's tom...." i couldn't say anymore than that. The next thing i remember is being on the train trying to write lyrics for the song i knew i was going to write that weekend, i always write music when anything happens and i was sitting next to this guy and he read the lyrics over my shoulder (its not in the final song btw) and he was like, "let me help£ and i was like "its fine ill do it myslef thanks, its a bit of a touchy subject" and then he was being all im a uni student who is studying maths (he was helping me with my maths earlier that train journey) and being all know-it-all and said "its about some guy you like isnt it" and i was like "not exactly" and he pushed the subject and was all "its fine, i was your age once blah balh blah" and then i totally snapped at him and said "id you MUST know its about my friend who died from brain cancer this morning" and the guy was all "oh, ok umm sorry to hear that" i hated the fact that i had to do that becasuse its like why do you need to know that. But yeah we got to dads and mum must have told him because they were all being all nice and that. I stayed up that night and write, kinda like tonight, well tonight im writing this letter that night i was writing your song which turned into flying with the angels, it still has no accompaniment and its nearly a year on, i really need to fix that. But yeah that was Friday the 26th of October 2007 for me. i guess yours wasnt much better. Graned ot entire year is so much closer now but it wasnt worth losing you
i miss you so much y'know
i love you
forever my love
millie
x<3x
Thursday, 23 October 2008
Monday, 20 October 2008
hello again
heya guys
well ive just worked out if i have my laptop at a certain angle icanget the wireless in my room, its ridiculously slow but what can you do its still internet after all :D
anyhoo yeah life in general atm is alright i guess. i cant sleep atm which sucks considering its two in the morning. so i just decided i would put on some music and then the internet was working so i thought. might as well dosome blogging likes :D
ayye so met a bunch of new people,one stood out more than the others like. Before i met him i got the impression he was a complete womanising bastard but i've met him, ive spoken to himand he seems so lovely! its like i can tell him anything and he wont judge me at all. He's well cool and i hope that we grow to be good mates :D
Burger is upset,its totally understandable and ive been so busy lately that i havent been able to be there for her,which isnt good, i need to be there for her. its like no one else is :(
i miss tom
i was thinking about him tonight
and its like i wish i had told him how much he meant to me before it was too late. :(
Poser was on msn earlier, he hardly said anything :( i think ive screwed that up pretty spectacularly.... :(:( why did i have to open my mouth!!! we wouldve been fine if i hadnt at, least we wouldve been mates :(:(
oh well its now 2:11 so i should probably fly
talk soon
xxxxxxx
M
well ive just worked out if i have my laptop at a certain angle icanget the wireless in my room, its ridiculously slow but what can you do its still internet after all :D
anyhoo yeah life in general atm is alright i guess. i cant sleep atm which sucks considering its two in the morning. so i just decided i would put on some music and then the internet was working so i thought. might as well dosome blogging likes :D
ayye so met a bunch of new people,one stood out more than the others like. Before i met him i got the impression he was a complete womanising bastard but i've met him, ive spoken to himand he seems so lovely! its like i can tell him anything and he wont judge me at all. He's well cool and i hope that we grow to be good mates :D
Burger is upset,its totally understandable and ive been so busy lately that i havent been able to be there for her,which isnt good, i need to be there for her. its like no one else is :(
i miss tom
i was thinking about him tonight
and its like i wish i had told him how much he meant to me before it was too late. :(
Poser was on msn earlier, he hardly said anything :( i think ive screwed that up pretty spectacularly.... :(:( why did i have to open my mouth!!! we wouldve been fine if i hadnt at, least we wouldve been mates :(:(
oh well its now 2:11 so i should probably fly
talk soon
xxxxxxx
M
Sunday, 19 October 2008
heya...
this ones directed at someone new.
im sorry, ive screwed things up with you, as friends, not even anything more.
As much as you said that we should just be friends i still thought i had a chance in my head. Then i did what i always do and then i asked all the wrong questions and now i can sense the diference in our conversation... again. i'm sorry
xxxxx
i hope you read this. <3
im sorry, ive screwed things up with you, as friends, not even anything more.
As much as you said that we should just be friends i still thought i had a chance in my head. Then i did what i always do and then i asked all the wrong questions and now i can sense the diference in our conversation... again. i'm sorry
xxxxx
i hope you read this. <3
Monday, 13 October 2008
a sneaky blog
tis quite amusing because tilly says i'm a very sneaky blogger.. cause like she is with me all the time, i share a bed with her at night and spend most of my day with her yet she never sees me blogging, but i always have a blog done in the evening :L
but yeah anyhoo
today was AMAZING fun
i haven't laughed that much in agggers, well apart from kitchen banter but i havent had that for aggggers either... :(
WE NEED TO GET THAT SORTED!! guitar lessons that is... hmmm
but anyhoo yeah i can't really think of much to say just now, T and PM are getting their wedding plans underway, (its quite sweet, their flirting technique) and so their all jolly and happy, and so are pippa and MM... meh oh well
and that loverly hockey boy likes my burger, im sure of it +D
well i gotta fly
sleep is calling
<3
xX<3Xx
but yeah anyhoo
today was AMAZING fun
i haven't laughed that much in agggers, well apart from kitchen banter but i havent had that for aggggers either... :(
WE NEED TO GET THAT SORTED!! guitar lessons that is... hmmm
but anyhoo yeah i can't really think of much to say just now, T and PM are getting their wedding plans underway, (its quite sweet, their flirting technique) and so their all jolly and happy, and so are pippa and MM... meh oh well
and that loverly hockey boy likes my burger, im sure of it +D
well i gotta fly
sleep is calling
<3
xX<3Xx
Sunday, 12 October 2008
burgers blog...xx
Ok I have to say all this because I have a little bit of a nervous break down on my hands.
BURGER! I still love you, I always loved you and I’m not going to run away because you’re ill. I know you’ll need me more if you do get worse and I’m not about to go anywhere. The credit is low and im working shed loads so I cant talk to you as much as I want… L
\you’re not going to lose me. Ok lets get that straight and you’re not pushing me away. I know that sometimes you need space to think things through and I try and oblige but I know that at the moment the last thing you want is space but I have to give it to you because I can’t be there.
Do you know how much I hate not being able to be there it sucks so bad. I hate being away from home in the holidays because I know that I should be at home so that I can keep you smiling.
NEVER STOP SMILING!!
It might not be ok. But even if its not im still gonna be there to make you laugh the best I can.. .
I feel bad because I feel like im moving away when you need me most but im coming back.
One move week and ill be there and I promise that its all gonna be alright
Ok ??
don’t worry about the scare or the hurt I can deal with it.. .ok??
I can cope with this, just don’t forget that even if im not physically talking to you. You’re still in my thoughts and I love you and want you to be happy…. Ok?
Now that we’ve settled that. I think that you should try and get some sleep!!!
Love you lots
MLBL+M+L+SAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3
Never let go
Never forget.
<3
BURGER! I still love you, I always loved you and I’m not going to run away because you’re ill. I know you’ll need me more if you do get worse and I’m not about to go anywhere. The credit is low and im working shed loads so I cant talk to you as much as I want… L
\you’re not going to lose me. Ok lets get that straight and you’re not pushing me away. I know that sometimes you need space to think things through and I try and oblige but I know that at the moment the last thing you want is space but I have to give it to you because I can’t be there.
Do you know how much I hate not being able to be there it sucks so bad. I hate being away from home in the holidays because I know that I should be at home so that I can keep you smiling.
NEVER STOP SMILING!!
It might not be ok. But even if its not im still gonna be there to make you laugh the best I can.. .
I feel bad because I feel like im moving away when you need me most but im coming back.
One move week and ill be there and I promise that its all gonna be alright
Ok ??
don’t worry about the scare or the hurt I can deal with it.. .ok??
I can cope with this, just don’t forget that even if im not physically talking to you. You’re still in my thoughts and I love you and want you to be happy…. Ok?
Now that we’ve settled that. I think that you should try and get some sleep!!!
Love you lots
MLBL+M+L+SAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3
Never let go
Never forget.
<3
12th October 08
Well todays was fun…
I got up REALLY late, it was like midday XD
Havent done that in ages and I miss just lazing about but I have to say that I like having the morning to do stuff in so its kinda a catch 22 ):
But yeah then we went to the loft for lunch and I had duck and it was loverly XD
Then me and T-monster headed back to the house and I was on msn to PM and tried to establish what the deal was with how he feels about T but I guess it has only been a couple of days…
She really likes him. I can tell by the way she laughs at the things he writes on msn and what she says to him and about him, its quite sweet really. I hope she’s happy but still im a bit meh about it all, cause like the nice guys never go for me. But T is the prettier, funnier, generally more lovely person… but still meh…
):
Yeah then after talking to him I went for a walk with T and this guy that was in my year in primary. It was so much fun, I miss all the people from my old school so much its crazy like. I wish that I could live closer so I could see everyone and everyone would be friends, but then again I think its nice for them to be separate because the places are so different and so are the people and the way they look at things..
I miss him
< / 3 hes away this week so its not even like I can fight with him ):
I really did screw that one up spectacularly.. Its like I could have just taken him breaking up with me and been is friend but no I had to try and work it so that I got more and that was really stupid. I let myself get angry with him for things that were my fault or in my head and it was like AHHH!!! I can’t believe i did that. Meh
And im worried about burger (see *burger blog*)
But that’s really it for just now
I gotta fly because T is trying to sleep and im being loud and full of light :L
Xx<3xX
I got up REALLY late, it was like midday XD
Havent done that in ages and I miss just lazing about but I have to say that I like having the morning to do stuff in so its kinda a catch 22 ):
But yeah then we went to the loft for lunch and I had duck and it was loverly XD
Then me and T-monster headed back to the house and I was on msn to PM and tried to establish what the deal was with how he feels about T but I guess it has only been a couple of days…
She really likes him. I can tell by the way she laughs at the things he writes on msn and what she says to him and about him, its quite sweet really. I hope she’s happy but still im a bit meh about it all, cause like the nice guys never go for me. But T is the prettier, funnier, generally more lovely person… but still meh…
):
Yeah then after talking to him I went for a walk with T and this guy that was in my year in primary. It was so much fun, I miss all the people from my old school so much its crazy like. I wish that I could live closer so I could see everyone and everyone would be friends, but then again I think its nice for them to be separate because the places are so different and so are the people and the way they look at things..
I miss him
< / 3 hes away this week so its not even like I can fight with him ):
I really did screw that one up spectacularly.. Its like I could have just taken him breaking up with me and been is friend but no I had to try and work it so that I got more and that was really stupid. I let myself get angry with him for things that were my fault or in my head and it was like AHHH!!! I can’t believe i did that. Meh
And im worried about burger (see *burger blog*)
But that’s really it for just now
I gotta fly because T is trying to sleep and im being loud and full of light :L
Xx<3xX
Saturday, 11 October 2008
jack-obs house :)
well i had funsies last night :D
first time EVER dad let me out in forres :D
and i had good fun, was chilling at jacks during the day and then he was having a party so we stayed for a bit of it. i met a bunch of people and re-met a bunch of other people i havent seen in years... :D:D
but yeah the guys were cute :)
shame none of them like me and they all liked t-monster or had a girlfriend :(
t-monster's lad was actually adorable and i will admitt that i fancy him but he likes t-monster :(:( they are adorable together though :D
well yeah
meet boy - partay - drink - home- sleep
that was t-mosters friday night...
mine went abit like
hang out at jacks - got to tescos - partay - sober t-monster up- home - sleep
:L
but what can you do likes.. .
gotta fly
pip pip
mwah mwah
xxxx
first time EVER dad let me out in forres :D
and i had good fun, was chilling at jacks during the day and then he was having a party so we stayed for a bit of it. i met a bunch of people and re-met a bunch of other people i havent seen in years... :D:D
but yeah the guys were cute :)
shame none of them like me and they all liked t-monster or had a girlfriend :(
t-monster's lad was actually adorable and i will admitt that i fancy him but he likes t-monster :(:( they are adorable together though :D
well yeah
meet boy - partay - drink - home- sleep
that was t-mosters friday night...
mine went abit like
hang out at jacks - got to tescos - partay - sober t-monster up- home - sleep
:L
but what can you do likes.. .
gotta fly
pip pip
mwah mwah
xxxx
Wednesday, 8 October 2008
oh yeah a side note likes..
yeah i forgot to say in all that doom and gloom....
He was amazing. it made me cry listening to it... yep there i go again being all pathetic and stupid likes!!!
but yeah i loved it, hes talented much.
another few song that remind me of him...
Iris: goo goo dolls.
Your call: secondhand serenade
one of these days i'll put up the lyrics to all the songs too,... maybe it'll help me undersatnd..
x
He was amazing. it made me cry listening to it... yep there i go again being all pathetic and stupid likes!!!
but yeah i loved it, hes talented much.
another few song that remind me of him...
Iris: goo goo dolls.
Your call: secondhand serenade
one of these days i'll put up the lyrics to all the songs too,... maybe it'll help me undersatnd..
x
the talent show
Talent shows suck!
nothing happened.. he didn't even say goodbye :(
but i'll be fine.
Ok its pathetic i know but i really wanted him to just look me in the eye and realise he's made a huge mistake and say that that girl means nothing and he wants me.. however it was not the case. but as i know life goes on and you just have to make the best of it....
im more worried about t-monster,
she's had an argument with her dad and she's running away. Tomorrow morning.
I don't know exactly what it was about, something about how she hasn't got a job and that, but anyhoo yeah she's coming to mine tomorrow, getting the 7am bus and traveling all the way up. I don't want her to get into trouble, but im not going to say no to her coming because i think she does just need her space for a wee while.... :S i dunno AHHH!!
Its spreading.. i thought it wasn't cancer but what can it be if its spreading... worried muchly... i can't believe it, i don't know what to do... i want it to be better :(
so a bit of a suckish day really.... :(
hopefully tomorrow will be better
xx
nothing happened.. he didn't even say goodbye :(
but i'll be fine.
Ok its pathetic i know but i really wanted him to just look me in the eye and realise he's made a huge mistake and say that that girl means nothing and he wants me.. however it was not the case. but as i know life goes on and you just have to make the best of it....
im more worried about t-monster,
she's had an argument with her dad and she's running away. Tomorrow morning.
I don't know exactly what it was about, something about how she hasn't got a job and that, but anyhoo yeah she's coming to mine tomorrow, getting the 7am bus and traveling all the way up. I don't want her to get into trouble, but im not going to say no to her coming because i think she does just need her space for a wee while.... :S i dunno AHHH!!
Its spreading.. i thought it wasn't cancer but what can it be if its spreading... worried muchly... i can't believe it, i don't know what to do... i want it to be better :(
so a bit of a suckish day really.... :(
hopefully tomorrow will be better
xx
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
hmmm
yeah i know you're gonna read this but i really couldn't care less atm
ive been talking to him and its like i dunno i can't understand him and how his mind works at all.. it bugs me and i usually know vaguly what people are think (well most, i never know what ting, or boyage are thinking but thats different because with boyage its usually something sexually revolved and ting i dunno he'll just be thinking somehting hes too nice to say.. he does that) but yeah and i want to know whats going on but its strange because once i hear one little thing i want to know the whole story..
and i cant believe it went that far. he should talk to someone. i dunno who. i want to be the person to make him happy. i don't know if i ever will be though.
the songs that make me think of him
emotionless - good charlotte
what about now - Daughtry
Running away - midnight hour
three of many likes...
i'm fking obsessed!! AHHHHH i should just let go and forget, and it would all be so much easier and less complicated..
i want the talent show to go well
i want him to look at me and realise he made a mistake
i want to hear his music
i want to understand
i want alot of things though and just because i want them doesnt mean their gonna happen.
:(
i want to be happy...
it isnt really his fault though, its like i should have known something like this was gonna happen, i dont seem to have happy ever afters
gotta fly
xxx
ive been talking to him and its like i dunno i can't understand him and how his mind works at all.. it bugs me and i usually know vaguly what people are think (well most, i never know what ting, or boyage are thinking but thats different because with boyage its usually something sexually revolved and ting i dunno he'll just be thinking somehting hes too nice to say.. he does that) but yeah and i want to know whats going on but its strange because once i hear one little thing i want to know the whole story..
and i cant believe it went that far. he should talk to someone. i dunno who. i want to be the person to make him happy. i don't know if i ever will be though.
the songs that make me think of him
emotionless - good charlotte
what about now - Daughtry
Running away - midnight hour
three of many likes...
i'm fking obsessed!! AHHHHH i should just let go and forget, and it would all be so much easier and less complicated..
i want the talent show to go well
i want him to look at me and realise he made a mistake
i want to hear his music
i want to understand
i want alot of things though and just because i want them doesnt mean their gonna happen.
:(
i want to be happy...
it isnt really his fault though, its like i should have known something like this was gonna happen, i dont seem to have happy ever afters
gotta fly
xxx
what up peoples?
heya guys
how are you all??
i'm back in Eastgrange XD
lol
i'm going to the talent show tomorrow at the caddy, should be good crac.
get to see some loverly people.
i dunno whats gonna happen though :S
hey ho what can you do?
xx
<3
how are you all??
i'm back in Eastgrange XD
lol
i'm going to the talent show tomorrow at the caddy, should be good crac.
get to see some loverly people.
i dunno whats gonna happen though :S
hey ho what can you do?
xx
<3
Monday, 6 October 2008
msning
well i was on la msn with some of my mateys and we were being all deep and meaningful so thought i'd put it up:
22:23) Barry: go for it
(22:23) Barry: and brutal honesty
(22:23) Emily.B: okay..
(22:23) Emily.B: ummmm
(22:23) Emily.B: 2 seconds. let me compose my thoughts into a readable form
(22:24) Barry: kk
(22:30) Emily.B: umm i think that your really self conscious and you care a hell of a lot about what people think about you. you dont want to hurt people or yourself but it kinda happens quite alot, you blame yourself for stuff that you cant fix but you think you should, you dont do it consciously but you blame your dad for things im not sure what but you do, but you're really strong because you can go into something dark, think your trapped and get out
(22:30) Emily.B: and umm im not really sure
(22:30) Emily.B: im rambling now
(22:30) Barry: anything else? cause what youg ot is very accurate
(22:31) Emily.B: really?
(22:31) Barry: yup very accurate
=======================================================
(22:03) Emily.B: well i think that im like who i am because of dad, because he always expects me to be better at things than i am and always throws me in the deep end. i get my committment from that aswell because im always expected to give up everything for what i do
(22:04) Emily.B: and so i do my best to please poeple that i care about, and the people that i dont because i want everyone to like me...
(22:04) Emily.B: and that goes back to primary school when i was picked on to death
(22:04) Emily.B: and then i moved to crieff and i was uber confident
(22:04) Andrew (One 3rd: uber confident? inwardly or outwardly?
(22:05) Emily.B: because i didnt want anyone to think i was a dorrmat and that i could be taken advantage of
(22:05) Emily.B: umm most definatly outwardly than inwardly
(22:05) Emily.B: i've learn over the years how to put on a good show
(22:05) Andrew (One 3rd: i know
(22:05) Emily.B: im a true actress at heart
(22:06) Andrew (One 3rd: yeah but v few ppl can actually hide things and how they feel when under scutiny and only keep things under wraps cause other ppl dont look deep enough
(22:06) Andrew (One 3rd: when you crack though you seem to take it q badly tho
(22:07) Andrew (One 3rd: like its outpouring
(22:07) Emily.B: yeah.
(22:07) Emily.B: happened really badly in the summer... that wasnt fun
(22:09) Andrew (One 3rd: how come?
(22:11) Emily.B: i dunno thats the thing, it was stupid little things, it seemed like everyone was getting at me, and i ttally cracked under what is known as "stress" apparently i was just conviced i was gonna do something wrong and dad was gonna kill me and then with Dean screwing me over big time adn connor going off on one and just general stuff like that i took it all quite badly which dragged up stuff about tom for some reason and then i got really upset in general about pretty mcuh everything
(22:11) Emily.B: and i spend 2 sshifts in the space of a week in the toliets crying because of some stupid little comment dad/paul said
(22:11) Emily.B: oh and allan saying he was gonna walk out every other day didnt help
(22:14) Emily.B: so yeah the nervous breakdowns of summer were fun
(22:14) Andrew (One 3rd: if you dont mind me asking how do you think Toms death affected you as a person?
(22:15) Emily.B: you're sooooooooooo practising being a shrink (btwe i so think you should do that)
(22:15) Andrew (One 3rd: i like helping ppl and ppl are interesting so its all good
(22:15) Andrew (One 3rd:
(22:16) Emily.B: but yea
(22:16) Emily.B: umm
(22:16) Andrew (One 3rd: ive never known anyone thats died so its interesting, i know that sounds a bit cold to use the word ''interesting'' but hey
(22:17) Emily.B: no i get it
(22:17) Emily.B: im not "over" it as such but im much better at talking about it than a lot of people in my year
(22:17) Emily.B: i got him apresent form blackool
(22:17) Emily.B: *blackpool
(22:18) Emily.B: its downstairs
(22:18) Emily.B: a black wooden rose for his grave
(22:18) Emily.B: ive been looking for one for agges
(22:19) Emily.B: but anyhoo
(22:19) Emily.B: as a person
(22:19) Emily.B: its caused me to do a hell of a lot more than i wouldve before, becasue its like you never know whats gonna happen
(22:20) Emily.B: the thing with barry probs wouldnt have happened if tom hadn't have died
(22:20) Emily.B: sounds strange but its true
(22:21) Emily.B: and ive learnt that everyone is affected by these things if they think they will or not
(22:22) Emily.B: and it bring people closer
(22:24) Emily.B: i dunno i think its affected me subconiously but im not sure
(22:24) Emily.B: what with it being subconious and all
(22:24) Emily.B: it made music mean more to me
(22:24) Emily.B: i dont know why but it has
(22:25) Emily.B: i cry at stuff alot easier since then
(22:26) Andrew (One 3rd: musically, did tonnes of lyrics in songs make more sense and then in every song you'd hear a lyric which would remind you?>
(22:27) Emily.B: not every song remind me of him
(22:27) Andrew (One 3rd: but a lot more
(22:27) Emily.B: its weird because like there are certain guitar parts and bass lines that remind me of him
(22:28) Emily.B: but lyrics make mucho more sense and stuff and thinks remind me of other thinks
(22:28) Emily.B: like i have a list that remind me of barry and some that reminf me of certain mates a
(22:28) Emily.B: and all that kinda think
(22:28) Emily.B: that and guys that screw me over... .
(22:28) Emily.B: hmmm
(22:28) Emily.B: grrr
(22:30) Emily.B: but yeah music makes sense
(22:30) Emily.B: it made me write shedloads more
(22:30) Andrew (One 3rd: guys screw you over?
(22:30) Emily.B: quite often
(22:31) Andrew (One 3rd: why'd you think? after you said earlier you dont want to seen as a pushover yet you think guys screw you over a lot?
(22:34) Emily.B: i think because i usually go into that kind of relationship knowing that it will end soon and i try not to take it seriously but then i fall for the guy but most of the realtionships ive had havent been offical so they usually goa dn get a girlfriend and ditch me and dont speak to me and expect me to fine with it and then when they break up with wahtever girl it is that week they expect me to be there waiting and because im such a stupid whore i go back to them and let them and the cycle repeats...
(22:34) Emily.B: everytime i promise myself it wont happen again but it always does
(22:36) Emily.B: thats why i was so excited about barry because he was different i could tell, that and he didnt try to shag me as soon as he met me. and in my head it was perfect, i knew it wasnt, but i persuaded myself it was and then as usual something happened and it all ended, but he at least told me, which is a step up on some people
(22:38) Emily.B: but yeah...
(22:38) Emily.B:
(22:40) Emily.B has changed his/her personal message to "Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~Victor Hugo"
(22:41) Emily.B: meh
(22:42) Andrew (One 3rd: did you think at the start that you and Barry would last or wer you just trying to convinve yourself that?
(22:43) Emily.B: at the very start, (like the beginning of the weekend) i thought it woudl jsut be another stupid fling for a weekend
(22:43) Emily.B: but then when i got SO excited and SO nervous about seeing him at the law gig i thought it would last, i would make it work
(22:45) Emily.B: so i guess convince myself
===============================================================================
there you go an insight to my mind again :L
xxx
22:23) Barry: go for it
(22:23) Barry: and brutal honesty
(22:23) Emily.B: okay..
(22:23) Emily.B: ummmm
(22:23) Emily.B: 2 seconds. let me compose my thoughts into a readable form
(22:24) Barry: kk
(22:30) Emily.B: umm i think that your really self conscious and you care a hell of a lot about what people think about you. you dont want to hurt people or yourself but it kinda happens quite alot, you blame yourself for stuff that you cant fix but you think you should, you dont do it consciously but you blame your dad for things im not sure what but you do, but you're really strong because you can go into something dark, think your trapped and get out
(22:30) Emily.B: and umm im not really sure
(22:30) Emily.B: im rambling now
(22:30) Barry: anything else? cause what youg ot is very accurate
(22:31) Emily.B: really?
(22:31) Barry: yup very accurate
=======================================================
(22:03) Emily.B: well i think that im like who i am because of dad, because he always expects me to be better at things than i am and always throws me in the deep end. i get my committment from that aswell because im always expected to give up everything for what i do
(22:04) Emily.B: and so i do my best to please poeple that i care about, and the people that i dont because i want everyone to like me...
(22:04) Emily.B: and that goes back to primary school when i was picked on to death
(22:04) Emily.B: and then i moved to crieff and i was uber confident
(22:04) Andrew (One 3rd: uber confident? inwardly or outwardly?
(22:05) Emily.B: because i didnt want anyone to think i was a dorrmat and that i could be taken advantage of
(22:05) Emily.B: umm most definatly outwardly than inwardly
(22:05) Emily.B: i've learn over the years how to put on a good show
(22:05) Andrew (One 3rd: i know
(22:05) Emily.B: im a true actress at heart
(22:06) Andrew (One 3rd: yeah but v few ppl can actually hide things and how they feel when under scutiny and only keep things under wraps cause other ppl dont look deep enough
(22:06) Andrew (One 3rd: when you crack though you seem to take it q badly tho
(22:07) Andrew (One 3rd: like its outpouring
(22:07) Emily.B: yeah.
(22:07) Emily.B: happened really badly in the summer... that wasnt fun
(22:09) Andrew (One 3rd: how come?
(22:11) Emily.B: i dunno thats the thing, it was stupid little things, it seemed like everyone was getting at me, and i ttally cracked under what is known as "stress" apparently i was just conviced i was gonna do something wrong and dad was gonna kill me and then with Dean screwing me over big time adn connor going off on one and just general stuff like that i took it all quite badly which dragged up stuff about tom for some reason and then i got really upset in general about pretty mcuh everything
(22:11) Emily.B: and i spend 2 sshifts in the space of a week in the toliets crying because of some stupid little comment dad/paul said
(22:11) Emily.B: oh and allan saying he was gonna walk out every other day didnt help
(22:14) Emily.B: so yeah the nervous breakdowns of summer were fun
(22:14) Andrew (One 3rd: if you dont mind me asking how do you think Toms death affected you as a person?
(22:15) Emily.B: you're sooooooooooo practising being a shrink (btwe i so think you should do that)
(22:15) Andrew (One 3rd: i like helping ppl and ppl are interesting so its all good
(22:15) Andrew (One 3rd:
(22:16) Emily.B: but yea
(22:16) Emily.B: umm
(22:16) Andrew (One 3rd: ive never known anyone thats died so its interesting, i know that sounds a bit cold to use the word ''interesting'' but hey
(22:17) Emily.B: no i get it
(22:17) Emily.B: im not "over" it as such but im much better at talking about it than a lot of people in my year
(22:17) Emily.B: i got him apresent form blackool
(22:17) Emily.B: *blackpool
(22:18) Emily.B: its downstairs
(22:18) Emily.B: a black wooden rose for his grave
(22:18) Emily.B: ive been looking for one for agges
(22:19) Emily.B: but anyhoo
(22:19) Emily.B: as a person
(22:19) Emily.B: its caused me to do a hell of a lot more than i wouldve before, becasue its like you never know whats gonna happen
(22:20) Emily.B: the thing with barry probs wouldnt have happened if tom hadn't have died
(22:20) Emily.B: sounds strange but its true
(22:21) Emily.B: and ive learnt that everyone is affected by these things if they think they will or not
(22:22) Emily.B: and it bring people closer
(22:24) Emily.B: i dunno i think its affected me subconiously but im not sure
(22:24) Emily.B: what with it being subconious and all
(22:24) Emily.B: it made music mean more to me
(22:24) Emily.B: i dont know why but it has
(22:25) Emily.B: i cry at stuff alot easier since then
(22:26) Andrew (One 3rd: musically, did tonnes of lyrics in songs make more sense and then in every song you'd hear a lyric which would remind you?>
(22:27) Emily.B: not every song remind me of him
(22:27) Andrew (One 3rd: but a lot more
(22:27) Emily.B: its weird because like there are certain guitar parts and bass lines that remind me of him
(22:28) Emily.B: but lyrics make mucho more sense and stuff and thinks remind me of other thinks
(22:28) Emily.B: like i have a list that remind me of barry and some that reminf me of certain mates a
(22:28) Emily.B: and all that kinda think
(22:28) Emily.B: that and guys that screw me over... .
(22:28) Emily.B: hmmm
(22:28) Emily.B: grrr
(22:30) Emily.B: but yeah music makes sense
(22:30) Emily.B: it made me write shedloads more
(22:30) Andrew (One 3rd: guys screw you over?
(22:30) Emily.B: quite often
(22:31) Andrew (One 3rd: why'd you think? after you said earlier you dont want to seen as a pushover yet you think guys screw you over a lot?
(22:34) Emily.B: i think because i usually go into that kind of relationship knowing that it will end soon and i try not to take it seriously but then i fall for the guy but most of the realtionships ive had havent been offical so they usually goa dn get a girlfriend and ditch me and dont speak to me and expect me to fine with it and then when they break up with wahtever girl it is that week they expect me to be there waiting and because im such a stupid whore i go back to them and let them and the cycle repeats...
(22:34) Emily.B: everytime i promise myself it wont happen again but it always does
(22:36) Emily.B: thats why i was so excited about barry because he was different i could tell, that and he didnt try to shag me as soon as he met me. and in my head it was perfect, i knew it wasnt, but i persuaded myself it was and then as usual something happened and it all ended, but he at least told me, which is a step up on some people
(22:38) Emily.B: but yeah...
(22:38) Emily.B:
(22:40) Emily.B has changed his/her personal message to "Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~Victor Hugo"
(22:41) Emily.B: meh
(22:42) Andrew (One 3rd: did you think at the start that you and Barry would last or wer you just trying to convinve yourself that?
(22:43) Emily.B: at the very start, (like the beginning of the weekend) i thought it woudl jsut be another stupid fling for a weekend
(22:43) Emily.B: but then when i got SO excited and SO nervous about seeing him at the law gig i thought it would last, i would make it work
(22:45) Emily.B: so i guess convince myself
===============================================================================
there you go an insight to my mind again :L
xxx
Sunday, 28 September 2008
(8) we were all in love and we all got hurt... (8)
heya
you know the last week or so, pretty much scrap it, i feel like shit.
Me and thee poser are no more, fine there i said it, happy now.
Well when i got the text i was standing outside of the changing rooms in Zara in stirling with Effy, kinda wrecked my day if i'm honest, i cried, which sucked, i really hate cryig (i know unbelievable ain't it considering how much i do it :S)
but yeah.. ive been told to write this and now that im actually sitting down to do it i don't know what to say.
i guess i should be brutally honest. i guess, i really dont want to because i realy dont want to hurt him, stupid i know as he hurt me. but still i dont like knowing that im hurting someone its not cool,
but yeah ok this is what i think
i think he should get over that girl, because i dont know how long this has been going on but by the sounds of it too long.
ok said it happy now?
that sting... yeah thought so
but yeha getting dumped stings as it is, i was really looking forward to seeing him too and then im now not sure if im going to go to the talent show or not beacuse its like what the point, he obv doesnt want me to be there.. . :(
but yeah i would sit and rant for aggers but im not ging to because the siblings keep coming and annoying me and they will probably read this over my shoulder... again not cool
but yeah if you really want the truth, i feel like i've been stupid and ive just been screwed over by another one of those guys, but this time it hurts more because i didnt think it was going to happen....
x
M
you know the last week or so, pretty much scrap it, i feel like shit.
Me and thee poser are no more, fine there i said it, happy now.
Well when i got the text i was standing outside of the changing rooms in Zara in stirling with Effy, kinda wrecked my day if i'm honest, i cried, which sucked, i really hate cryig (i know unbelievable ain't it considering how much i do it :S)
but yeah.. ive been told to write this and now that im actually sitting down to do it i don't know what to say.
i guess i should be brutally honest. i guess, i really dont want to because i realy dont want to hurt him, stupid i know as he hurt me. but still i dont like knowing that im hurting someone its not cool,
but yeah ok this is what i think
i think he should get over that girl, because i dont know how long this has been going on but by the sounds of it too long.
ok said it happy now?
that sting... yeah thought so
but yeha getting dumped stings as it is, i was really looking forward to seeing him too and then im now not sure if im going to go to the talent show or not beacuse its like what the point, he obv doesnt want me to be there.. . :(
but yeah i would sit and rant for aggers but im not ging to because the siblings keep coming and annoying me and they will probably read this over my shoulder... again not cool
but yeah if you really want the truth, i feel like i've been stupid and ive just been screwed over by another one of those guys, but this time it hurts more because i didnt think it was going to happen....
x
M
Saturday, 27 September 2008
meh
heya everyone,
im uber tired and really can't be bothered but im being kept up so i thought i might as well write something.
Well i know that 2 of the people i know that read this are currently in bed. Burger is in her cosy and warm burger bes and the poser... well apparently hes in bed with ash and andrew atm, i dont know who ash is but oh well :L:L
their all drunk and in bed... what are friday nights for i guess :P
but yeah i have nothing really to say, school was pish, had to play single sex football against 2nd years and it was pish!! not that i have anything against 2nd years, but 1) i could crush them, 2) i don't like it when a teacher takes us out of a perfectly good full pitch game with mixed teams, just to raise the confidence of the bloody 2nd years! not impressed!
ayyyeee well im away now, ive jsut been informed that thee poser is totally out of it and so cannot talk to me just now. lovely... i will be mocking him for a while now. the sensible boy who doesnt get drunk... thats that image ruined :P:P
laters
M
xx
im uber tired and really can't be bothered but im being kept up so i thought i might as well write something.
Well i know that 2 of the people i know that read this are currently in bed. Burger is in her cosy and warm burger bes and the poser... well apparently hes in bed with ash and andrew atm, i dont know who ash is but oh well :L:L
their all drunk and in bed... what are friday nights for i guess :P
but yeah i have nothing really to say, school was pish, had to play single sex football against 2nd years and it was pish!! not that i have anything against 2nd years, but 1) i could crush them, 2) i don't like it when a teacher takes us out of a perfectly good full pitch game with mixed teams, just to raise the confidence of the bloody 2nd years! not impressed!
ayyyeee well im away now, ive jsut been informed that thee poser is totally out of it and so cannot talk to me just now. lovely... i will be mocking him for a while now. the sensible boy who doesnt get drunk... thats that image ruined :P:P
laters
M
xx
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
23rd sept 08
So my day today, started off not too bad, had assembly and the horrible people tried to make us sign up for the Chile trip.. I signed up last time but there was no way I was getting that much money together that quickly. I worked out that I had to give up school and get a full time job to pay for it and then I wouldn’t be able to go cause I wasn’t part of the school, that and I would NEVER be able to quit school. Anyhoo that was assembly oh yeah and the German exchange people arrived last night and so there is a ceildh on Thursday.. If its half as good as the French one it will be awesome fun XD
Good bant
So first period I had maths which was kinda uninteresting we played games the whole of the lesson to decide who was going to go to this enterprising maths day thing through in perth… I will tell you now I’m not going I lost all my games… oh well its only a day off school to piss about and be geeky.
Um second period was a bit more eventful, I had PE and it was trampolining and I nearly died!!! Ok maybe a slight exaggeration. I was doing a backdrop and I landed wrong and did something to my back and it hurts to hell!!! Apparently according to my teacher I’ve done something to the back of my ribs. But apart from being in great pain, I really don’t like my PE class its like there are a bunch of what would be called “popular girls” and then there are a bunch of really sound but totally “we’re too cool” guys. And I’m better at trampolining than the girls because they just scream and run away from the trampoline but I’m not as good as the boys and its bloody difficult to earn their respect, cause as much as they’re all like “boys and girls are just as capable” I can tell they still think guys are better. And yes the guys in this class are natural athletes and that but its like when I try and do anything they laugh at me and take the piss, and its like I need to be bloody amazing to gain some respect off them and even then I don’t think I would get it…. AHH! Its just so frustrating!!
The rest of the day wasn’t very eventful, the girlies had rehearsals for talent show at lunch and Moi et Tilly went along to help and they’re really good. I was concerned because they’re doing hallelujah by Paramore and it’s a bloody difficult song to sing but Meghan’s amazing!!
I think it will get there but they need to do some serious practise.
Well aye that and I wasn’t allowed on the computer. .. Hence why this blog is posted later than it was written… sorry..
Much love
M
xx
Good bant
So first period I had maths which was kinda uninteresting we played games the whole of the lesson to decide who was going to go to this enterprising maths day thing through in perth… I will tell you now I’m not going I lost all my games… oh well its only a day off school to piss about and be geeky.
Um second period was a bit more eventful, I had PE and it was trampolining and I nearly died!!! Ok maybe a slight exaggeration. I was doing a backdrop and I landed wrong and did something to my back and it hurts to hell!!! Apparently according to my teacher I’ve done something to the back of my ribs. But apart from being in great pain, I really don’t like my PE class its like there are a bunch of what would be called “popular girls” and then there are a bunch of really sound but totally “we’re too cool” guys. And I’m better at trampolining than the girls because they just scream and run away from the trampoline but I’m not as good as the boys and its bloody difficult to earn their respect, cause as much as they’re all like “boys and girls are just as capable” I can tell they still think guys are better. And yes the guys in this class are natural athletes and that but its like when I try and do anything they laugh at me and take the piss, and its like I need to be bloody amazing to gain some respect off them and even then I don’t think I would get it…. AHH! Its just so frustrating!!
The rest of the day wasn’t very eventful, the girlies had rehearsals for talent show at lunch and Moi et Tilly went along to help and they’re really good. I was concerned because they’re doing hallelujah by Paramore and it’s a bloody difficult song to sing but Meghan’s amazing!!
I think it will get there but they need to do some serious practise.
Well aye that and I wasn’t allowed on the computer. .. Hence why this blog is posted later than it was written… sorry..
Much love
M
xx
22nd september
Moving on…
I’ve decided I need to leave the past behind me and just go for the future. I need to stop giving a damn about what people think like (ok I know I do not do names but screw that) Laura, Peigi and Lucy. It’s like for Christ sake why do I need your approval to do something you don’t rule me. So yeah I’m going to live by new motto. Live for the moment, forget the past and don’t think about the future..
This obv has to have levels to follow it by, I’m not going to forget everything that has happened in the past, I’m gonna learn from the experiences that I have but I’m not going to let them affect decisions I know I should make.
Every time we touch - Cascada
One of the songs that got me into dance beats, it taught me that what the artists are making isn’t just the mindless thumping of a bass it has words and meanings behind it just like any other good song I listen to.
It reminds my of him <3
How I feel when I look at him
How I feel when he hugs me
How I feel when he kisses me
I don’t want to leave him
But I have to just after I see him .
Next time I see him it will be the talent show
He’s gonna be amazing
Playing that song
He better not screw it up
If he screws it up I’m going to hurt him
Because that song like so many others
Makes me cry and it take special pieces of music to do that
They need to have special memories attached to them
I wish he’s tell me what’s going on in his head
Its like I know somethings up
But I don’t know what it is.
Not cool
Oh well I need to sleep or I will collaspe
Xxx
I’ve decided I need to leave the past behind me and just go for the future. I need to stop giving a damn about what people think like (ok I know I do not do names but screw that) Laura, Peigi and Lucy. It’s like for Christ sake why do I need your approval to do something you don’t rule me. So yeah I’m going to live by new motto. Live for the moment, forget the past and don’t think about the future..
This obv has to have levels to follow it by, I’m not going to forget everything that has happened in the past, I’m gonna learn from the experiences that I have but I’m not going to let them affect decisions I know I should make.
Every time we touch - Cascada
One of the songs that got me into dance beats, it taught me that what the artists are making isn’t just the mindless thumping of a bass it has words and meanings behind it just like any other good song I listen to.
It reminds my of him <3
How I feel when I look at him
How I feel when he hugs me
How I feel when he kisses me
I don’t want to leave him
But I have to just after I see him .
Next time I see him it will be the talent show
He’s gonna be amazing
Playing that song
He better not screw it up
If he screws it up I’m going to hurt him
Because that song like so many others
Makes me cry and it take special pieces of music to do that
They need to have special memories attached to them
I wish he’s tell me what’s going on in his head
Its like I know somethings up
But I don’t know what it is.
Not cool
Oh well I need to sleep or I will collaspe
Xxx
Monday, 22 September 2008
oh yeah, just a thought
just a thought. The hairy one says that the poser keeps scaring everyone at school with all this new "positive attitude" stuff. That makes me smile :)
Rawr... for him <3
well as you said you liked reading it so much i thought i'd write one specially for you, i know the past few kinda have been already but thats kinda irrelevant!!
yeah so what can i say
in one REALLY long (well it felt it) week you managed to make me pretty much fall for you.
crazy isn't it
i know i shouldn't have you a
i don't DESERVE to have you
but its nice to know your there all the same :D:D
but ayyyee you said you wanted some of my lyrics well i guess you can have some,
heres a song i wrote when i decided that i was thinking to much about what had happened
]
yeah so what can i say
in one REALLY long (well it felt it) week you managed to make me pretty much fall for you.
crazy isn't it
i know i shouldn't have you a
i don't DESERVE to have you
but its nice to know your there all the same :D:D
but ayyyee you said you wanted some of my lyrics well i guess you can have some,
heres a song i wrote when i decided that i was thinking to much about what had happened
]
Everything just passes me by
As I sit here and cry
And as the tears they fall
Rolling down my cheeks
And no one knows
How I feel tonight
But me
My life will just fly by
If I don’t stop and look around
Every now and then
My world comes to a sudden stop
And everything just falls apart
And I really don’t know where to start
To put it all back together again
Yet I make it through
Every single day
I make it through
Just a little bit at a time
And all I need is to see you smile
And it brightens up my day and
Makes all the bad stuff
Well it just floats away
Just floats away
anyway yeah thats one song, and another one would be
I look into the night sky
And I gaze up at that satr
I look into the night sky
And I wonder just how far
I look into the night sky
And I know which star is yours
It shines so bright
Magnifencent light
High up above this world
I look into the night sky
And I wish I was up there
I look into the night sky
And suddenly I’m scared
But I’m stuck here with people that are laughing and joking
But I know
Whats underneath their smiles
‘cause their crying on the inside
unable to let it out
crying on the inside
uncomplete and full of doubt
crying on the inside
they don’t know which start is theirs
and I’m crying on the outside
now your not there.
yeah thats a song i made from a poem ...
i have one more that i wrote when tom died but i dont have it on this computer and i don't want to type it all up
well one more of the old stuff that is demi semi decent (like a demi semi quaver)
i have some new stuff but thats all working progress sorry ;)
ayyyee thats all now
:P
much love
m
xx
Sunday, 21 September 2008
hmmm, im digressing...
well im supposed to be writing a music essay but i cannot concentrate at all its like why do i care about ska... ok i care hughly about ska music but not at the moment!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!!
miss him <......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................>
this much
well gotta go and try and do more homework
grr
xxxx
AHHHHHHHHHH!!
miss him <......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................>
this much
well gotta go and try and do more homework
grr
xxxx
again..
well thats me home now with cup of hot oj in hand...
2:15am not so bad doing is it... :L
its just something in my mind is nagging at me and i dont know what it is... :S
burger text me today when i was with the poser... her text im guessing is a response to one of my earlier blogs...
the text goes something like this..
"Theres so much death and pain. We always miss what has and gone, at times spend our what seems like life time missing or in pain". gives me hope the way you always find a smile, you never ask whats up when cant hold back the tears. love you so much be-atch! i can now honestly say that if this thing turns out to be conver, i wont be scared because i know your close and that you wont let me fall. Stuff the bad guys milli, you never deserved their hurt, you never cause hurt. ya finally got the guy you deserve, the good one <3>
it made me cry, i was so glas we were in the cowshed and it was dark so poser couldnt see me crying.. i dont want all the times we're together for me to end up crying so far its been two of two which isn't so good...
hmmmm
well i should really go to sleep its half past two soon
love to those you need it
xxx<3xxx
2:15am not so bad doing is it... :L
its just something in my mind is nagging at me and i dont know what it is... :S
burger text me today when i was with the poser... her text im guessing is a response to one of my earlier blogs...
the text goes something like this..
"Theres so much death and pain. We always miss what has and gone, at times spend our what seems like life time missing or in pain". gives me hope the way you always find a smile, you never ask whats up when cant hold back the tears. love you so much be-atch! i can now honestly say that if this thing turns out to be conver, i wont be scared because i know your close and that you wont let me fall. Stuff the bad guys milli, you never deserved their hurt, you never cause hurt. ya finally got the guy you deserve, the good one <3>
it made me cry, i was so glas we were in the cowshed and it was dark so poser couldnt see me crying.. i dont want all the times we're together for me to end up crying so far its been two of two which isn't so good...
hmmmm
well i should really go to sleep its half past two soon
love to those you need it
xxx<3xxx
Tonight....
I'm still at work.. i got off about an hour ago but the buzz is electric and i dont think that if i went to bed i would be able to sleep so i'm just staying here... its easier.
i saw him.
it was amazing.
My dad made my life incredibly difficult though as he wouldnt give me time off to go spend some time with him, not that dad knew thats what i wanted mind.
it was funny because like we were just standing there and i didnt want to let him go.
i had to of course but it was hard, and it took at least 3 attempts.
but oh dads coming got to go
it was a great night though, through the tears =]
xxxx
i saw him.
it was amazing.
My dad made my life incredibly difficult though as he wouldnt give me time off to go spend some time with him, not that dad knew thats what i wanted mind.
it was funny because like we were just standing there and i didnt want to let him go.
i had to of course but it was hard, and it took at least 3 attempts.
but oh dads coming got to go
it was a great night though, through the tears =]
xxxx
Saturday, 20 September 2008
FINSIHED
i've finished my english talk now i just have to get dad to read and approve it.... dont want him tooo... lol
its 10 past five, yay! i have work in 20 minutes i think i will take a break for a wee while before i have to go and work...
meh
xxx
its 10 past five, yay! i have work in 20 minutes i think i will take a break for a wee while before i have to go and work...
meh
xxx
what up people ?
heya
well im supposed to be writing an english talk but tbh i really cant be bothered and i cant concentrate so does it really matter?!?!?
anyhoo i can't believe its only 3 o clock!! (ok now its 4) thats agggggges until i get to see the poser (i am now in a strop!) so what im talking to him on msn.... irrelevent if i do say so myself!!
hes on probation. he probably already know but the likely hood of me not letting him kiss me when im not gonna see him again for a minimum of 2 weeks is incredibly unlikely... but its a fun game to play.. make him work for it if you know what i mean ;)... i really like him... i like really like him.. but dont want to like to push it because as much as he says it i still dont believe that he really likes me as much as i like him... that and i really dont want him to think im obsessive or anything because its like yeah i do think about him all the time but im not obsessed... am i?
oh shit now im being all self doubting..
i still dont think im good enough, he seems so lovely and why would i deserve lovely, i dont think i do .... bad guys that hurt me seems more apt because i hurt people and i don't like to think that i do but still i do it... not fair is it but life isnt so you just have to get on with it... i'll be writing when i get in tonight about what all went down. I can't believe dad put me on the stovie thing, which means i'm like stuck there all night. i haven't said that to Poser yet because i dont want to... if you know what i mean. because there is a chance i might get to go earlier or do a bit and then get off for a while and then go back but you never know so i just dont want to say anything..
well i better go. i need to write an english talk on Bootstock.. which should be fun.. i dont know what to say about it. oh well what can you do likes.. dad wants me to make it all like funny and stuff and im like its an english talk i dont want to do that. so im just going to stick with what ive got so that it works.
well
TTFN
(lol i love using abv its awesome)
xxxx
well im supposed to be writing an english talk but tbh i really cant be bothered and i cant concentrate so does it really matter?!?!?
anyhoo i can't believe its only 3 o clock!! (ok now its 4) thats agggggges until i get to see the poser (i am now in a strop!) so what im talking to him on msn.... irrelevent if i do say so myself!!
hes on probation. he probably already know but the likely hood of me not letting him kiss me when im not gonna see him again for a minimum of 2 weeks is incredibly unlikely... but its a fun game to play.. make him work for it if you know what i mean ;)... i really like him... i like really like him.. but dont want to like to push it because as much as he says it i still dont believe that he really likes me as much as i like him... that and i really dont want him to think im obsessive or anything because its like yeah i do think about him all the time but im not obsessed... am i?
oh shit now im being all self doubting..
i still dont think im good enough, he seems so lovely and why would i deserve lovely, i dont think i do .... bad guys that hurt me seems more apt because i hurt people and i don't like to think that i do but still i do it... not fair is it but life isnt so you just have to get on with it... i'll be writing when i get in tonight about what all went down. I can't believe dad put me on the stovie thing, which means i'm like stuck there all night. i haven't said that to Poser yet because i dont want to... if you know what i mean. because there is a chance i might get to go earlier or do a bit and then get off for a while and then go back but you never know so i just dont want to say anything..
well i better go. i need to write an english talk on Bootstock.. which should be fun.. i dont know what to say about it. oh well what can you do likes.. dad wants me to make it all like funny and stuff and im like its an english talk i dont want to do that. so im just going to stick with what ive got so that it works.
well
TTFN
(lol i love using abv its awesome)
xxxx
Friday, 19 September 2008
19th sept 08
Heya.
Well I’m on the train at the moment so won’t be able to post this blog until I get up north but hey ho, that gives me quite a while to write this, without feeling pressured to finish up and that. Anyhoo what did I say I was gonna write the other day. Oh yeah about the boy J. Well he’s generally awesome. :D:D I miss him so much and its crazy because I only met him like last week. But I guess that’s what happens eh?
But really like him. And it’s not like it was with boyage or the slutty one (yeah I know I was stupid but still you have to give me a break im a teenager!!)
Ooo that reminds me. Me and Burger wrote a song for the slutty ones band… good crack you wanna read it..
I like to make them then break them
Shoot them while their down
And every day I’m looking for
Someone new to play my game
If she’s the kind of girl
To take on my whole world
She’ll trust me completely
And then
I’ll shoot her while she’s down
Do you see what’s happening
I’m playing a game
That I can’t win
Cause one day they’ll
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Then they’ll shoot me while I’m down
If she’s the kind of girl
To take on my whole world
She’ll trust me completely
And then
I’ll shoot her while she’s down
It’s not quite finished yet and the beat that I’m going for is gonna be kind of bowling for soup/metal which should be good :D:D
Anyhoo I kind of went off subject there (ok by “kind of” I mean completely :L:L )
Where was I, oh yeah I remember telling you all about this fabby fabby guy that by complete accident wandered into my life and made it amazing and horrible all at the same time. I should probably tell you why it’s horrible first (the whole get bad news then good news instead of good news then bad news… I dunno it’s just the way I work) this last week has been horrible.. It’s like you find an amazing guy that you really like (but strangely hardly know…. Watch this space I WILL find out a load of stuff) and then you have to travel across the country so you can go to school. It’s not that I don’t like school, I do all my friends are there and I have a load of amazing times. And bad times as well but mostly good. But I miss him ( I am so gonna have to think up a name for him as you know like NO real names are used on here… well for the time being he can be poser.. Cause that’s what he is a little poser :P ) I miss him so much its insane, the fact he doesn’t have credit is so frustrating because I want to know what he’s thinking when he reads my texts and if he’s thinking about me and stuff. I know its my own insecruities but I keep thinking that he’s gonna wake up and realise he doesn’t like me at all. I guess I don’t think I’m good enough for him. And I don’t really see what he sees in me, like he says I’m gorgeous ( I don’t see it) he says I’m the first person to make him smile in like for ages. I guess what he says could be true but I dunno I want to believe it but can’t help thinking that he’s just saying what I want to hear not what he really thinks.. Meh!!! I think its great because this summer I have spent so much more time with my friends that I used to which is awesome. I am so planning to do more random stuff with my mates, like go out for dinner (me and the monster did that the other week before going to see batman… we felt way grown up J)
But yeah so Poser (:P) is generally awesome and I can’t stop thinking about him so I guess he must be doing something right. And I get the same feeling with him that I used to get with Ting which is awesome because it’s one of the best feelings. It’s like I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t be surprised, he’d say just what I want him to and I just feel completely safe around him :D
But that’s all I can really think of to say at the moment. I’m not even at Newtonmore yet so I’ve still got ages before I’m home… should be back around 9 and I’ll post that then J
Xxxx<3xxxx
Well I’m on the train at the moment so won’t be able to post this blog until I get up north but hey ho, that gives me quite a while to write this, without feeling pressured to finish up and that. Anyhoo what did I say I was gonna write the other day. Oh yeah about the boy J. Well he’s generally awesome. :D:D I miss him so much and its crazy because I only met him like last week. But I guess that’s what happens eh?
But really like him. And it’s not like it was with boyage or the slutty one (yeah I know I was stupid but still you have to give me a break im a teenager!!)
Ooo that reminds me. Me and Burger wrote a song for the slutty ones band… good crack you wanna read it..
I like to make them then break them
Shoot them while their down
And every day I’m looking for
Someone new to play my game
If she’s the kind of girl
To take on my whole world
She’ll trust me completely
And then
I’ll shoot her while she’s down
Do you see what’s happening
I’m playing a game
That I can’t win
Cause one day they’ll
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Then they’ll shoot me while I’m down
If she’s the kind of girl
To take on my whole world
She’ll trust me completely
And then
I’ll shoot her while she’s down
It’s not quite finished yet and the beat that I’m going for is gonna be kind of bowling for soup/metal which should be good :D:D
Anyhoo I kind of went off subject there (ok by “kind of” I mean completely :L:L )
Where was I, oh yeah I remember telling you all about this fabby fabby guy that by complete accident wandered into my life and made it amazing and horrible all at the same time. I should probably tell you why it’s horrible first (the whole get bad news then good news instead of good news then bad news… I dunno it’s just the way I work) this last week has been horrible.. It’s like you find an amazing guy that you really like (but strangely hardly know…. Watch this space I WILL find out a load of stuff) and then you have to travel across the country so you can go to school. It’s not that I don’t like school, I do all my friends are there and I have a load of amazing times. And bad times as well but mostly good. But I miss him ( I am so gonna have to think up a name for him as you know like NO real names are used on here… well for the time being he can be poser.. Cause that’s what he is a little poser :P ) I miss him so much its insane, the fact he doesn’t have credit is so frustrating because I want to know what he’s thinking when he reads my texts and if he’s thinking about me and stuff. I know its my own insecruities but I keep thinking that he’s gonna wake up and realise he doesn’t like me at all. I guess I don’t think I’m good enough for him. And I don’t really see what he sees in me, like he says I’m gorgeous ( I don’t see it) he says I’m the first person to make him smile in like for ages. I guess what he says could be true but I dunno I want to believe it but can’t help thinking that he’s just saying what I want to hear not what he really thinks.. Meh!!! I think its great because this summer I have spent so much more time with my friends that I used to which is awesome. I am so planning to do more random stuff with my mates, like go out for dinner (me and the monster did that the other week before going to see batman… we felt way grown up J)
But yeah so Poser (:P) is generally awesome and I can’t stop thinking about him so I guess he must be doing something right. And I get the same feeling with him that I used to get with Ting which is awesome because it’s one of the best feelings. It’s like I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t be surprised, he’d say just what I want him to and I just feel completely safe around him :D
But that’s all I can really think of to say at the moment. I’m not even at Newtonmore yet so I’ve still got ages before I’m home… should be back around 9 and I’ll post that then J
Xxxx<3xxxx
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
happy happy happy millie :D
hey guys, i'm back... well it was bootstock this weekend and i had an amazing time... you know that rant i had like a bunch of months ago, completely ignore it.. .this bootstock has to be the best one yet!!
i met a guy... yeah i know another one but this is different.... promise :D:D
He's actually lovely. and i think he might actually like me back, proper and hes not gonna screw me over like some poeple (see below!!!! and another guy i havent had time to bitch about) but yeah.. mucho likes him... made me blush and everything. :D:D:D
well i shall discuss him in more detail at the weekend... (its 3 days til i see him again)
but im on la home computer and anyone can read what im saying, its much easier to blog when im on my laptop. :D
sleep sweet
<3>
i met a guy... yeah i know another one but this is different.... promise :D:D
He's actually lovely. and i think he might actually like me back, proper and hes not gonna screw me over like some poeple (see below!!!! and another guy i havent had time to bitch about) but yeah.. mucho likes him... made me blush and everything. :D:D:D
well i shall discuss him in more detail at the weekend... (its 3 days til i see him again)
but im on la home computer and anyone can read what im saying, its much easier to blog when im on my laptop. :D
sleep sweet
<3>
Thursday, 14 August 2008
Lifes a bitch.. but i guess we all knew that... oh and some good news aswell :D:D
heya guys, well quite a few things have happened since i last wrote.. which is quite impressive since i wrote the other day....
well shall i start with the good news or the mmhhhmmm i dunno what kinda news it is, type news? ?
i'll start with the good news because well ITS AWESOME news....
MY BURGER IS FINE!!!, well not fine exactly, but shes not horribly ill like they thought she might be... i'm so happy, the one thing i said would take my scare away and then the next week she said it... it's awesome to know that shes ok..... im just sooo happy, my burger sin't going no where :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Now to the mhhhmm i dont know what kinda news it is kinda news....
Well i went to a gig last thursday and it was ok-ish apart from the fact that my loverly twiggy hardly spoke to me for the first 2 hours, but i gues that was stress and half the people that i really wanted to see werent there... oh and the fact that Boyage ignored me the whole night!!!!!
well i texted him the other day telling him he had until the end of the holidays to explain what the hell was going on, and guess what... no reply.... until last night, when i gave him a little reminder.. here's our whole convo...
ME:
Boy:
ME:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
so yeah thats what went down the other night... tbh im not proud of most of what i said and i shouldnt have said it, looking backi totally colasped... i was supposed to be angry.. look how long that lasted...
well thats what happened..
xx
well shall i start with the good news or the mmhhhmmm i dunno what kinda news it is, type news? ?
i'll start with the good news because well ITS AWESOME news....
MY BURGER IS FINE!!!, well not fine exactly, but shes not horribly ill like they thought she might be... i'm so happy, the one thing i said would take my scare away and then the next week she said it... it's awesome to know that shes ok..... im just sooo happy, my burger sin't going no where :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Now to the mhhhmm i dont know what kinda news it is kinda news....
Well i went to a gig last thursday and it was ok-ish apart from the fact that my loverly twiggy hardly spoke to me for the first 2 hours, but i gues that was stress and half the people that i really wanted to see werent there... oh and the fact that Boyage ignored me the whole night!!!!!
well i texted him the other day telling him he had until the end of the holidays to explain what the hell was going on, and guess what... no reply.... until last night, when i gave him a little reminder.. here's our whole convo...
ME:
7 days and counting... i'm waiting
Boy:
ok basically i have a girlfriend and the other thing is i wasnt ready for you being so up close to me around everyone i'm sorry k x
ME:
**** why do you do this to me, tell me you love me and cant wait to see me and the after i manage to get time off work and travel half the country to see you and my mates (half of who didnt turn up in the end) and you pretty much ignore me all night. Just tell me whats wrong with me please
Boy:
Nothing is wrong with you its me im a fucking idiot and i will never deserve someone as amazing as you so you are probably better off forgetting about me x
Me:
Thats what my friends say but **** i dont want to forget about you, you make me feel special but i guess im gona have to arent i x
Boy:
Im sorry you dont have to but its totally your decision x
Me:
If your with some other girl (who is she btw) your hardly gona want to talk to me, one thing i want to know, were you telling the truth when you said you loved me?
Boy:
It's ***** *** and yes i was x
Me:
is it still true?
Boy:
Ye x
Me:
do yo uwant me to forget about you?? (last question) why didnt you just tell me about *****? x
Boy:
i dont want you to but its your choice and i didnt have credit to text you sorry x
Me:
Your such a bastard.. but you were mine... you said forever. i hate you but love you at the same time, i really dont know what to do, im gonna bave to think about it. i was so angry and hurt, now im just upset... if you were in my place what would you do?? x
Boy:
I honestly dont know
Me:
i want to forgive you but i know that when you and ***** split you come to me until you find yourself a new girlfriend, i know thats what'll happen and i dont want to get hurt again.... but i miss you so much x
Boy:
It wont if things dont work out between me and ***** i wont come to you unless you want me x
Me:
Thats the problem... i do, so much, but i know you bad, yet so good... your heart is pure but your mind is currupted... x
Boy:
yep thats me x
Me:
i just want to hug you so bad, and have your pure heart all to myself. But its *****'s now. Now i know why people get upset at breakups i'm gonna stop talking now im just being mean. i dont want you to feel bad about this you and ***** will be happy But i just want my **** back. miss you night xx
Boy:
miss you too xx
so yeah thats what went down the other night... tbh im not proud of most of what i said and i shouldnt have said it, looking backi totally colasped... i was supposed to be angry.. look how long that lasted...
well thats what happened..
xx
Monday, 11 August 2008
la la la
FINSIHED WORK!!!!!!!1
yay!
im gonna go home and eat my tea and do my homework like a good wee gurlie..
i cant believe that my parents are turning on me, i didnt have those drinks that my dad obviously thinks i did, i cant believe he doesnt trust me.
x
yay!
im gonna go home and eat my tea and do my homework like a good wee gurlie..
i cant believe that my parents are turning on me, i didnt have those drinks that my dad obviously thinks i did, i cant believe he doesnt trust me.
x
#1
well i suppose i shall just type some random shizz about something, i just got this new app you see on my laptop and its blogger that is on your desktop so whenever you want to do some blogging you just write into the box and for some reason its soo much easier than actually going on to blogger and typing out a blog....
oh well there is another snippet of randomness for today :)
oh well there is another snippet of randomness for today :)
work...
ok, offically pissed off.. sitting at work and dad was away having his lunch break and he was pronting something or summat and then he ran outta paper, so kulli put more in and then it printed more leaflet things and she needed to print her plane ticket, so i cancelled the leaflet printing thing and then dad came in and got really pissed off because i had cancelled it, every other time ive done it.. what the hells the deal with the people here... its ridiculous!!!!!!
over and out
x
over and out
x
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
maybe im broken....
"Broken Wings"
Thank you for being such a friend to me
Oh I pray a friend for life
And have I ever told you how much you mean to me
Oh, you mean so much to me
I'm thinking all the time
How to tell you what I feel
I'm contemplating phrases
I'm gazing at eternity
I am floating in serenity
And I am so lost for words
And I am so overwhelmed
Please don't go just yet
Can you stay a moment please
We can dance together
We can dance forever
Under your stars tonight
We'll live and breathe this dream
So close your eyes
but don't dream too deep
And please pass me some memories
And when I fall you're underneath
1000 broken hearts
Carried by 1000 broken wings
Thank you for being such a friend to me
Oh I pray a friend for life
And have I ever told you how much you mean to me
Oh, you mean so much to me
I'm thinking all the time
How to tell you what I feel
I'm contemplating phrases
I'm gazing at eternity
I am floating in serenity
And I am so lost for words
And I am so overwhelmed
Please don't go just yet
Can you stay a moment please
We can dance together
We can dance forever
Under your stars tonight
We'll live and breathe this dream
So close your eyes
but don't dream too deep
And please pass me some memories
And when I fall you're underneath
1000 broken hearts
Carried by 1000 broken wings
Monday, 4 August 2008
its so much easier looking in....
i feel like shit.
simple really
and to be honest i really dont know why, well i think i know why but i dont if that makes sense.
yeah this weekend was good and bad and all banterful at the same time i dunno, i just dunno anymore.
i miss the old days and i know that i shouldn't and that isnt true its not that i miss the old days i miss the days that were simple and i just did what i felt like and i didnt worry about things, not money, not what people thought, not what my parents viewed me as and if theey trusted me, i knew they trusted me.. and everything changed.
i hate change.. it sucks and should be banned.
i haate the fact that i can take other peoples problems and give them a simple solution that will work but when its my problems i sit and i think about them for hours and nothing seems to get any simpler..
everyone keeps telling me i help them but thing is i never feel that way, it doesnt seem to matter how much they tell me they love me and that i help them so much, i have this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that they dont really love me, they just think they do.. i'm the most cynical person that i know and i hate it..
the main things that are upsetting me at the moment;
Boyage: WTF?! i dunno what hes about and i dunno whats going through his head, i really want to make it work but i dont know if i can trust him or not and i know that some of my friends say to leave him, but when im with him i dunno, its exciting but i feel totally safe.
its strange and i cnat explain it...
SuperD: i love him... no thats not right because at 15 you rarely feel love, and i duno hes older, hes lovely i dunno if i like him as a friend or more i just know that i really feel safe around him and that hes leaving..
everyone is leaving.. well not everyone is leaving its a total over exageration, it feels like everyones leaving me behind...
shes ill, she might be really ill, they dont know, its horrible not knowing i think if i knew it would help.. but i dunno. i hate not being able to talk about it but i promised and thats one promise im not going to break. not now not ever...
my dad.. i love him so much yet its so hard. its like i want to agree with you because thats what ive grownup believing, daddys always right and now when i do disagree its like, i must be wrong, dad always knows better.. and hes being so harsh i dont know what to do, its like i do a job and its never good enough, never ever.. i know he loves me so much but there is always more that i need to do.... i think in his head i have the ablities of someone who is older... and when i make some stpid mistake he comes down on me like a ton o bricks and i just want to turn and scream at him, im only 15!!! leave me alone im gonna make mistakes and i know as soon as ive made them that its wrong.. but hey i suppose thats what i get for acting older than i am...
well i have so much more i want to say but im really really tired so maybe ill write more another day
love you
X
simple really
and to be honest i really dont know why, well i think i know why but i dont if that makes sense.
yeah this weekend was good and bad and all banterful at the same time i dunno, i just dunno anymore.
i miss the old days and i know that i shouldn't and that isnt true its not that i miss the old days i miss the days that were simple and i just did what i felt like and i didnt worry about things, not money, not what people thought, not what my parents viewed me as and if theey trusted me, i knew they trusted me.. and everything changed.
i hate change.. it sucks and should be banned.
i haate the fact that i can take other peoples problems and give them a simple solution that will work but when its my problems i sit and i think about them for hours and nothing seems to get any simpler..
everyone keeps telling me i help them but thing is i never feel that way, it doesnt seem to matter how much they tell me they love me and that i help them so much, i have this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that they dont really love me, they just think they do.. i'm the most cynical person that i know and i hate it..
the main things that are upsetting me at the moment;
Boyage: WTF?! i dunno what hes about and i dunno whats going through his head, i really want to make it work but i dont know if i can trust him or not and i know that some of my friends say to leave him, but when im with him i dunno, its exciting but i feel totally safe.
its strange and i cnat explain it...
SuperD: i love him... no thats not right because at 15 you rarely feel love, and i duno hes older, hes lovely i dunno if i like him as a friend or more i just know that i really feel safe around him and that hes leaving..
everyone is leaving.. well not everyone is leaving its a total over exageration, it feels like everyones leaving me behind...
shes ill, she might be really ill, they dont know, its horrible not knowing i think if i knew it would help.. but i dunno. i hate not being able to talk about it but i promised and thats one promise im not going to break. not now not ever...
my dad.. i love him so much yet its so hard. its like i want to agree with you because thats what ive grownup believing, daddys always right and now when i do disagree its like, i must be wrong, dad always knows better.. and hes being so harsh i dont know what to do, its like i do a job and its never good enough, never ever.. i know he loves me so much but there is always more that i need to do.... i think in his head i have the ablities of someone who is older... and when i make some stpid mistake he comes down on me like a ton o bricks and i just want to turn and scream at him, im only 15!!! leave me alone im gonna make mistakes and i know as soon as ive made them that its wrong.. but hey i suppose thats what i get for acting older than i am...
well i have so much more i want to say but im really really tired so maybe ill write more another day
love you
X
Sunday, 3 August 2008
30th July 08
Well well well, yeah im at Eastgrange… again.. .I remember this time last year when I was writing blogs at random times when I was supposed to be working and stuff that was werid. I would never do that anymore, I’m too busy working. The T-monster is here at the moment and its awesome to see her but… well yeah. I’m trying to work and stuff and she knows that but SM keeps trying to get me to take time off work to hang out with T and SM and her sister and my family etc…. its not cool because I really need the money and I don’t quite think that they get that quite as much as I first thought they did… Well music man has officially moved on from me, on to one of best friends…. Yeah I’m cool about it and all and im not going to try and stop her or anything because that just wouldn’t be very cool, but I do miss him and I do still think about him and stuff.. But hey she’s happy , he’s happy… I should be happy….
Love you
XXX
Love you
XXX
Monday, 14 July 2008
hello from sunny france
hello there, its been a while since i've written and i guess thats because of anumber of things...
i havent had time, i didnt want to share... ive had more important things to do i guess..
well im currently in france missing my friends like crazy and loving the time away all at the same time, i wish that i could just take all my friends out here for my last week, they could meet my new friends and i could hang out with my old ones...
but i guess thats not gonna happen, also ifeel bad that ive left burger behind, by the sounds of things shes had a lot of thinking time since i went away and i want to be there to give her advice (well whatever advice i can- which isnt much,) and just be there for her... lifes a bitch.. .
im trying to make it up to sarah - me being a bitch.
and as soon as i get back to the UK (in my mind) the run up to scribblers starts properly and i have to talk to sarah and lorna and mike and get this show on the road..
hoepfully everyhting will go to plan but i cant just hope ive got to make this shit happen..
i miss tom... i know that now its a pharse very accustom to alot of peoples vocabualary but i do and its stupid things like during my exams that i start thinking about him and wondering what would be happening if he was here... i know for example that him and christine would - if my dates are correct- would have just celebrated their one year anniversary, i doubt anyone will remember that it was this time last year when he was fresh outta hospital that they got together, it was so sweet and tbh i was a little jealous, yes i had stuart but what they had seemed somehow so perfect... i knew it would last for a long time. but i suppose it is the way things are....
well i gotta go, the pool is waiting so i've gotta just go jump right in :P
love you all
XXXXX
i havent had time, i didnt want to share... ive had more important things to do i guess..
well im currently in france missing my friends like crazy and loving the time away all at the same time, i wish that i could just take all my friends out here for my last week, they could meet my new friends and i could hang out with my old ones...
but i guess thats not gonna happen, also ifeel bad that ive left burger behind, by the sounds of things shes had a lot of thinking time since i went away and i want to be there to give her advice (well whatever advice i can- which isnt much,) and just be there for her... lifes a bitch.. .
im trying to make it up to sarah - me being a bitch.
and as soon as i get back to the UK (in my mind) the run up to scribblers starts properly and i have to talk to sarah and lorna and mike and get this show on the road..
hoepfully everyhting will go to plan but i cant just hope ive got to make this shit happen..
i miss tom... i know that now its a pharse very accustom to alot of peoples vocabualary but i do and its stupid things like during my exams that i start thinking about him and wondering what would be happening if he was here... i know for example that him and christine would - if my dates are correct- would have just celebrated their one year anniversary, i doubt anyone will remember that it was this time last year when he was fresh outta hospital that they got together, it was so sweet and tbh i was a little jealous, yes i had stuart but what they had seemed somehow so perfect... i knew it would last for a long time. but i suppose it is the way things are....
well i gotta go, the pool is waiting so i've gotta just go jump right in :P
love you all
XXXXX
Friday, 9 May 2008
Life is a confusing thing
Ok here's the deal...
Sarah has grown to be one of my best friends over the course of the last year, and now shes leaving... i know she isn't going far but its hard, and i didn't get to see her last day, that crushed me. Typical that work experience is on the same week as that 6th years last week. i loved my work experience don't get me wrong but i wish i could've been there... i miss her....
Its weird because i think i tried to distance myself from her to stop me from getting hurt and now that she''s finally left i miss her terribly it's not cool. But yeah i love my sarahkins and will miss her dearly, my life will never be the same.
Some say the angels fly above us, i say they walk among us
Sarah has grown to be one of my best friends over the course of the last year, and now shes leaving... i know she isn't going far but its hard, and i didn't get to see her last day, that crushed me. Typical that work experience is on the same week as that 6th years last week. i loved my work experience don't get me wrong but i wish i could've been there... i miss her....
Its weird because i think i tried to distance myself from her to stop me from getting hurt and now that she''s finally left i miss her terribly it's not cool. But yeah i love my sarahkins and will miss her dearly, my life will never be the same.
Some say the angels fly above us, i say they walk among us
Saturday, 19 April 2008
Wednesday, 9 April 2008
Bootstock 08
ok my dad helps put on this festival every year called BOOTSTOCK to raise money for deprived kids in nepal. I was speaking to our chef tonight and he has told me dad hasnt done ANYTHING for it yet and when i mean anything, i mean ANYTHING, but the thing is that all he really has to orginise is the bands to come and play, thats it, you have say £7k to spend on the bands and away you go, the chef will orginise everything else....... but no dad hasnt go in touch with anyone and now all the main bands that we might have just been able to get , wont be able to come cause there booked for somewhere else, that and that another festival LOOPALLU is the week after so the likely hood of us getting a decent amount of people is minimal, i'm so angry though, because i can do all this shizz, im perfectly capably but no one will take me seriously because im only 15, which is why i cant wait til im 18... people say you shouldnt wish away your childhood but the thing is, its not that im wishing away my childhood, im doing the exact same things as i think i would be its jsut i need to be older, because people dont take people my age seriously and its not fair. I would love to orginise a festival myself and i probably could but i can't because of my age. And its not that it wouldnt happen its jsut stupid little comments that people make..
well thats my rant for today finished
X
well thats my rant for today finished
X
fitting in...
i was sitting by myself the other day, i dont really fit in anywhere
some of my friends are older than me so have different ways of looking at things and their leaving school soon, 15 school day to be exact and it sucks and im gonna miss them big time, well its not really a them more a her, My Twigs is going and i dont know where, she doesnt know where and im not gonna get to see her and im gonna miss her like hell, i dont know what i would have done without her these last couple of months its insane....
but yeah back to my point, after she leaves i dont really know what im gonna do friend wise, because yes i have friends, quite alot of them tbh but i dont really have that special group that everyone bangs on about, after tw=igs goes i dont know where i;ll belong because like shes holding our group together i dunno what guy will do when she leaves with hanging out with me and i dont really have a group that i hang with at lunch, im so fking busy... i have my dancer, but she has other "close" friends she hangs with and K and K are lovely but i dont think ill be hanging out with them and my old friends i cant really go back to them coz i sorta ditched them at the end of last year for all my activities and i know they understand that but its like, will they take me back, im not in with what they do anymore, we used to have a routine and now that routine has changed and i guess i left before that happened. i dunno, i'll figure something out, but i dont think there will be any danger of me gettinf in with the comrie lot, too much clash of personalities there as it is, i really shouldn't get involved.
well
X
some of my friends are older than me so have different ways of looking at things and their leaving school soon, 15 school day to be exact and it sucks and im gonna miss them big time, well its not really a them more a her, My Twigs is going and i dont know where, she doesnt know where and im not gonna get to see her and im gonna miss her like hell, i dont know what i would have done without her these last couple of months its insane....
but yeah back to my point, after she leaves i dont really know what im gonna do friend wise, because yes i have friends, quite alot of them tbh but i dont really have that special group that everyone bangs on about, after tw=igs goes i dont know where i;ll belong because like shes holding our group together i dunno what guy will do when she leaves with hanging out with me and i dont really have a group that i hang with at lunch, im so fking busy... i have my dancer, but she has other "close" friends she hangs with and K and K are lovely but i dont think ill be hanging out with them and my old friends i cant really go back to them coz i sorta ditched them at the end of last year for all my activities and i know they understand that but its like, will they take me back, im not in with what they do anymore, we used to have a routine and now that routine has changed and i guess i left before that happened. i dunno, i'll figure something out, but i dont think there will be any danger of me gettinf in with the comrie lot, too much clash of personalities there as it is, i really shouldn't get involved.
well
X
a special girl
This post is directed at one girl in particular, she knows who she is so it really don't matter, names arent important in this. I just want her to know, even though i've said it a thousand times, and i'll say it a thousand times more if i need to. That i am here all the time, everyday, everynight. She doesnt need to pretend that everything is find, FUCK THAT!! if she wants to be sad i'll be there, if she wants to be happy ill be there, if she wants to pretend everything is ok then fine but im not going to and i dont think she should. IM AT THE END OF A PHONE.... no matter where i am in this god forsaken planet i'm always on the end of my phone, ill keep topped up and batteried up just for her, just so that if she needs to talk, no matter what about im here. if she wants a hug she knows where i am. And i know that i am selfish sometimes, like when im with guy and i want to just talk to him and the twirls come up and i ignore them, IM SORRY and just thump me and tell me to remember what i said. im here for you.. ok
and just so we're clear, you are accepted, by the coolest group of people ever, us. We love you and you can hang out with us, whenever!! ok??
well yeah I LOVE YOU BURGER DONT EVER FORGET THAT!
and just so we're clear, you are accepted, by the coolest group of people ever, us. We love you and you can hang out with us, whenever!! ok??
well yeah I LOVE YOU BURGER DONT EVER FORGET THAT!
Monday, 7 April 2008
My little fairy
I love her,
i miss her
she is beautiful,
she is smart
she is lovely
she doesnt hurt people
she doesnt hurt herself
The worst way to miss someone is for them to be sitting right there in front of you!
this isnt only true for lovers, this is also true for friends
she hates herself for what has happened and its not her fault
i wish i could make it better
i wish i could help
i only hope she knows how much everyone loves her!
She lost him
she lost without him
what can i do to make her better
how can i fix her
what can i do
She is the fairy that blew off her wings
help me..
please..............
i miss her
she is beautiful,
she is smart
she is lovely
she doesnt hurt people
she doesnt hurt herself
The worst way to miss someone is for them to be sitting right there in front of you!
this isnt only true for lovers, this is also true for friends
she hates herself for what has happened and its not her fault
i wish i could make it better
i wish i could help
i only hope she knows how much everyone loves her!
She lost him
she lost without him
what can i do to make her better
how can i fix her
what can i do
She is the fairy that blew off her wings
help me..
please..............
Today...
Today i sang a song with my bestfriend kirsty, it was good fun and i was terrible in it but still, its all fun and games right??
yeah we sang this song i wrote called fly by and its about how you can get wrapped up in problems and shizz that you forget to live your life and that there is always someone special in your life that can help you, and when you look at them, or even think about them you feel so much better and its so much easier to think straight.
well yeah thats really all my news for today..
love you all
sleep sweet
<3
yeah we sang this song i wrote called fly by and its about how you can get wrapped up in problems and shizz that you forget to live your life and that there is always someone special in your life that can help you, and when you look at them, or even think about them you feel so much better and its so much easier to think straight.
well yeah thats really all my news for today..
love you all
sleep sweet
<3
First Full Day at la musique camp
Well today is the first full day of music camp and it was ok, I guess, I was having fun but im still a 2nd desk 2nd violinist and I’m like well pissed off but hey ho, yeah well I don’t relaly have much to say today and that so I think im just gonna leave it there…. Love you
XX
XX
Music camp the first night
Well I’m now at music camp 08, it’s rather good fun, but there has been a big deal made over the dorms and shizz and its such a pain, because we were all given dorms at the beginning of the day and then everyone swapped about so they could be with their mates - fair enough (I didn’t bother because I always just talk to the people who are put in my dorm) but now theirs a bunch of people that don’t have dorms and there is like 5 of them and they want to share TOGETHER and it’s like come on people, you need to like grow up, you can be split into a 3 and a 3 or something. And the thing that really pissed me off was that they actually nearly asked if WE (the people that have been here all day and didn’t cause any trouble) to move so that they could have beds together and I was like, excuse me?! To start with your like 1st/2nd year and your expecting ME to move for you??
Come on. There is a pecking order here and sorry lovelies but your at the bottom!!!
Oh and within actual rehearsals, I am 2nd violin, 2nd desk. And I’m rather hacked off about that because I am like grade 5 standard and that. And then I know we need strong players in 2nds but I got demoted from 1st desk which sucked big time L
The pieces we’re playing this year are alright, a bit cheesy but fun, :
Boulevard of broken dreams - Greenday, which is ace, ‘cause we have to do ghost sixteenths, which is tres fun
Harry Potter and Goblet of Fire - alright but yeah…
African American air - is good, a couple of bits that I had to think about but otherwise easy
Victorious Knight - awesome
Come on. There is a pecking order here and sorry lovelies but your at the bottom!!!
Oh and within actual rehearsals, I am 2nd violin, 2nd desk. And I’m rather hacked off about that because I am like grade 5 standard and that. And then I know we need strong players in 2nds but I got demoted from 1st desk which sucked big time L
The pieces we’re playing this year are alright, a bit cheesy but fun, :
Boulevard of broken dreams - Greenday, which is ace, ‘cause we have to do ghost sixteenths, which is tres fun
Harry Potter and Goblet of Fire - alright but yeah…
African American air - is good, a couple of bits that I had to think about but otherwise easy
Victorious Knight - awesome
Sunday, 23 March 2008
hey hey hey
heya guys...
well just thought i let you in on a secret, i'm a bit random :P
but shhhhtt not many people know :)
well yesh i cant really think of anything to write so i think ill stop lol
night
XX
well just thought i let you in on a secret, i'm a bit random :P
but shhhhtt not many people know :)
well yesh i cant really think of anything to write so i think ill stop lol
night
XX
FINALLY!
well hello there, well my new laptop is finally up and running and on the net which is ace, and means that i will be able to post more often :):)
well um yeah im at work lol and thats really it, oh that and its easter :)
well um yeah im at work lol and thats really it, oh that and its easter :)
Saturday, 15 March 2008
again its a working progress
well yeah its guy problem and i don't know what to do, but i will get there it's just gonna take time and effort but i'll get there. no matter his decision i will be fine... i always am.
well yeah.. working process
i really don't know what to do, i like this guy and i don't know if he likes me and yes this is gonna be your average teenage girl rant, because yes i know millions of other people have gone through this millions of times before me but still, i haven't done this before and i dunno whats gonna happen...
well yeah there's this guy and he's older than me, by like a year and a bit (and at the age i am thats quite alot as that puts me at roughly the same age as his sister) and like i dunno and i dont like this feeling.. and i wish i could just ask if he likes me or if i should back off, yes it would most probably hurt as my friend spoke to him about me and he said he had never thought of me like that before ( which implies he was thinking about it then... ) and stuff then he was acted different tonight than he has been before or maybe i was just being paranoid; i don't know any more - i really don't...
but yeah I've been working with him for the last few weeks and its been uber cool, but i dunno.. well i turn 15 on Monday which should be fun.. lol .. and i know that if something happens with him then it will make me the happiest I've been in a long while..
bye guys
xXXx
well yeah there's this guy and he's older than me, by like a year and a bit (and at the age i am thats quite alot as that puts me at roughly the same age as his sister) and like i dunno and i dont like this feeling.. and i wish i could just ask if he likes me or if i should back off, yes it would most probably hurt as my friend spoke to him about me and he said he had never thought of me like that before ( which implies he was thinking about it then... ) and stuff then he was acted different tonight than he has been before or maybe i was just being paranoid; i don't know any more - i really don't...
but yeah I've been working with him for the last few weeks and its been uber cool, but i dunno.. well i turn 15 on Monday which should be fun.. lol .. and i know that if something happens with him then it will make me the happiest I've been in a long while..
bye guys
xXXx
Saturday, 16 February 2008
well ... yeah
heya guys, i know i havent writtten in a while, ok ages but i've been really busy and that and i dont really like writing my blog on the home computer because no one ever leaves me alone. Well its been about 4 months since tom died and its still pretty rough, i have very close friends that are doing things i wouldnt inflict on anyone... yeah well i suppose we all have to have our outlets but still that isn't a good way...
well i shall write again soon and catch up properly
XXX
Sunday, 28 October 2007
a boy who is now gone...
ther was this one boy... in first year when i arrived at the high school that sat behind me in maths...
he was really nice and we would have fun, laughing and joking, i started to enjoy coming to maths....
then one day i was just lying in bed texting him and we were playing a game called Random Question and we were mucking about asking stupid questions...
then he asked me if i would go out with him...
i didnt know what to say..
i thought about it for along time and decided to say yes and that was me for months...
we went out for ages - he was my first relationship that lasted longer than a week...
and then we just fell apart...
it was okish break up and we were still good friends...
then he went into hospital- he was diagonised with a brain tumor,
but he was going to get radio theorpy and it was going to be ok....
he was getting better by the end of 2nd year
and came back school at the beginning of third year..
then he started going out with this girl
shes really nice and pretty and she deserved so much to have a boyfriend that loved her that much...
then in the october holidays he went back into hospital... the tumor had spread to his spine...
That boy died at quater past four on the morning of the 26th of October 2007
That boy was fourteen years old........
R.I.P Thomas....
he was really nice and we would have fun, laughing and joking, i started to enjoy coming to maths....
then one day i was just lying in bed texting him and we were playing a game called Random Question and we were mucking about asking stupid questions...
then he asked me if i would go out with him...
i didnt know what to say..
i thought about it for along time and decided to say yes and that was me for months...
we went out for ages - he was my first relationship that lasted longer than a week...
and then we just fell apart...
it was okish break up and we were still good friends...
then he went into hospital- he was diagonised with a brain tumor,
but he was going to get radio theorpy and it was going to be ok....
he was getting better by the end of 2nd year
and came back school at the beginning of third year..
then he started going out with this girl
shes really nice and pretty and she deserved so much to have a boyfriend that loved her that much...
then in the october holidays he went back into hospital... the tumor had spread to his spine...
That boy died at quater past four on the morning of the 26th of October 2007
That boy was fourteen years old........
R.I.P Thomas....
Thursday, 11 October 2007
hey hey hey
welll i havent blogged i na little bit becasue ive been watching lonelygirl15 and gettting caught up on the whole thing becasue i didnt watch it when it first came out ... anyhoo its really good and all but i need a break from watching it 24/7 so i decided to write stuff and go on bebo and all that kinda thing i havent done in a little bit... .
so well Whats new with me.. umm well now at the loft there is this umm new waitress called leanne (or however you spell it) and shes really nice, she comes from canada and i asked her "why the UK" and she was funny and really didnt know... apparently she has reletives near perth at some castle and their like royalty or sumthing i dont really know. BUT yeah she working tonight so i dont have to (result!) or i could go home and get changed and work for a bit.. i think ill do that
ok well ill blog properly soon
XX
Monday, 8 October 2007
ambush .. a strange term
when you get ambush, dragged into a school and then forced to communicate to people you dont know it all gets a bit stressful... today my friend pan and her friend Emily ambushed me and toook me to there school it wax nice to see them and everything as i havent seen pan for about 3 months and Emily a year and a half. soo yeah but then they had to go to some meeting in the school and i couldnt come because i wasnt 1) wearing school uniform and 2) a member of their school so yeah i got ditched with a bunch of pans mates (who may i add were very nice and umm ... lively... ) yeah ooo and i went crimbo shopping ( i know its early but i figure go shopping for htings you need when you have the money!)
but apart form that nothing much has happened so cheery pip
XxX
but apart form that nothing much has happened so cheery pip
XxX
Sunday, 7 October 2007
well well well what have we here!
oo ive been watching alot of stuff on youtube.com lately and i stumbled across this asutalian duo called the veronicas
their 21 year old identical twins form brisbane, Australia and well good musicians
check them out : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRyNdTiwysQ
XXX
their 21 year old identical twins form brisbane, Australia and well good musicians
check them out : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRyNdTiwysQ
XXX
yeah another "song" ...
if i needed some space
to get you out my face
would you respect that
or would you just neglet that
if i wanted some time
to put my thoughts all in line
would you respect that
or just neglect that
Cause everything i do
i do it for you
did you notice
i didn't think so
everything i say
i plan everyday
to make it perfect
but it never ends up that way
if i sang out of tune
and looked like a spoon
would you correct me
or just let me flow
if i said something wrong
and you knew all along
would you correct me
or just let it slide
Cause everything i do
i do it for you
did you notice
i didn't think so
everything i say
i plan everyday
to make it perfect
but it never ends up that way
i do it for you
did you notice
i didn't think so
everything i say
i plan everyday
to make it perfect
but it never ends up that way
Saturday, 6 October 2007
karaoke is a strange but funny thing.....
hee hee
just in from work anad what not
lol
its was sooo funny.
because tonight there was a private function on upstairs and it was a 70's theme night and it was sooooo funny
and people that get drunk and thing they can sing are soooo funny coz like every so often you get one person that is like good at singing but everyone else is like soo bad and they think they are liek awesome and it amuses me....
but yeah at work today we had 23 people in and i only got £6:70 tips those people are soo tight... .its so annoying actually, coz like there was this one couple, booked a table for 8/830 and then turned up at nearly quater to nine then insisted on eating really slowly and i had to stay until about 11o'clock waiting for them to finsih and its like GAWSH you could have eaten a bit faster!! :O
umm yeah thats all the news i have today,
i might write another song soon i dont know
i have melodys for them but no like composisions
ah well
love you all
Nighty night my dearys
XxX
just in from work anad what not
lol
its was sooo funny.
because tonight there was a private function on upstairs and it was a 70's theme night and it was sooooo funny
and people that get drunk and thing they can sing are soooo funny coz like every so often you get one person that is like good at singing but everyone else is like soo bad and they think they are liek awesome and it amuses me....
but yeah at work today we had 23 people in and i only got £6:70 tips those people are soo tight... .its so annoying actually, coz like there was this one couple, booked a table for 8/830 and then turned up at nearly quater to nine then insisted on eating really slowly and i had to stay until about 11o'clock waiting for them to finsih and its like GAWSH you could have eaten a bit faster!! :O
umm yeah thats all the news i have today,
i might write another song soon i dont know
i have melodys for them but no like composisions
ah well
love you all
Nighty night my dearys
XxX
dislexia......: ]
dislexic, such a stupid term really coz like dislexic people have trouble spelling abnd then they go and give it a name like f**king dislexia (i cant even spell it but that doesnt really say much .. lol ) and so all the people with it cant spell what it is. I totally agree that people who have it arent stupid coz my little sister has it and she isnt thick just takes a wee bit longer to work stuff out but when she gets it, she finds it really easy and she is AWESOME at art its quite unbelievable... yeah probly come back to this post later
love you all
XX
love you all
XX
Friday, 5 October 2007
when at work....
hey hey hey
this is me at work and as you can see i have such alot to do i have time to blog...
Nah whats actually happened is dads bought a new computer for the video editing stuff which is like AWESOME!!! and so the old computer got moved across the desk so now i can use 2 computers at once so i have one with blogger and bebo and stuff on it and the other with all my worky video editin stuff on it, which is sooo cool it makes me feel like you garcia from NCIS with all her computers and what not..... well maybe you dont and i suppose i dont quite have as many computers as her but its still awesome.
Um mwhat have i been up to hmm wel yesterday i did like loadsa holiday homework that we got given i cant believe i have an Art essay, a History report, a bunch of maths stuff, some french vocabulary to learn and a load of music things to pratise and my grade 5 theroy whichi m also supposed to be doing so its all quite mental
I guess i did around 4 hours of homework yesterday and i still haev tons to do!!!
ummm yeah but at the moment im waiting for the bootstock files to transfer on to the other computer so that i can sit and spend a few hours editing them as i have until 5 o'clock so that gives me three hours!!
I'm soo not gona get all 15 hours of footage or what ever edited in that time but could get a reletive chunk.
i dont even know who reads all the garbage that i write, i hope that you arent too bored of it, im using proper english and everything
well thats all i cant think of to write atm soo toodles
XxX
Oh my!!! some random song
well i just wrote this just now
umm yeah any comments very much apprectiated
thanks
Every song that you sang to me
all those words echo in my head
Every word that you ever said
did you mean anything
i didnt think so
NO
Now everything has changed
you've got new friends
you've got a new style
Everything has changed
since ive been here a little while
but
Was the guy that i fell in love with
was he really you
Was the guy that i thought i trusted
was he really you
was the guy that i met that night
was he really you
or was he just invented to make me fall in love with you
i dont know what to think
who to believe
can you help me
here
was anything real
or was it an act
i dont know how
you make me
feel
do i hate you or love you
my heads messed up
i cant believe you'd do that to
me
i think i'll go away
Away from here today
AWay from it all
since now that everything has changed
do i have go too
or do you love me still
i want it to be true
but
Was the guy that i fell in love with
was he really you
Was the guy that i thought i trusted
was he really you
was the guy that i met that night
was he really you
or was he just invented to make me fall in love with you
oh oh
oh yeah
umm yeah any comments very much apprectiated
thanks
Every song that you sang to me
all those words echo in my head
Every word that you ever said
did you mean anything
i didnt think so
NO
Now everything has changed
you've got new friends
you've got a new style
Everything has changed
since ive been here a little while
but
Was the guy that i fell in love with
was he really you
Was the guy that i thought i trusted
was he really you
was the guy that i met that night
was he really you
or was he just invented to make me fall in love with you
i dont know what to think
who to believe
can you help me
here
was anything real
or was it an act
i dont know how
you make me
feel
do i hate you or love you
my heads messed up
i cant believe you'd do that to
me
i think i'll go away
Away from here today
AWay from it all
since now that everything has changed
do i have go too
or do you love me still
i want it to be true
but
Was the guy that i fell in love with
was he really you
Was the guy that i thought i trusted
was he really you
was the guy that i met that night
was he really you
or was he just invented to make me fall in love with you
oh oh
oh yeah
Tuesday, 2 October 2007
i like writing
i do like writing in this blog its quite fun
i just write whatever the hell i want and it dont really mind.... its great
lol
XXX
i just write whatever the hell i want and it dont really mind.... its great
lol
XXX
of course im on holiday.....
well yeah just back from my first shift of the holiday
was alright i guess was working the floor by myslef most of the night because we're short on staff - oh well
dad came down for a bit to have his tea and totally took over but i suppose its his job.
ummmmmm yeah well it sucks a bit becasue like im here at my dads and im well up for going out and seeing everyone but i cant because their not on holiday so when im not working their at school and vise versa which SUCKS!! but the sexy emo is ill so i can go up and see him which is ace and crap all at the same time coz its ace that i get to see him and crap that he's ill.....
yeah but tomorrow im going in2 the caddy to see kirsty at lunch and what haev you which should be awesome havent had n up da street lunch in what seems like forever!!! :O
And then next WEdnesday im going to pans house then to the other caddy for a talent show which she and her mates are in that i said i'd go see, it should be ace aswell
Then on next friday i am going to stay over at pans to have a good old catch up oo and this saturday afternoon im off to Alves to see kisrty and talk to her for a whiley and catch up with her and that should mean that i've seen just about everyone AND i've managed to help dad out by working all the shifts so far im working most ever night except next wednesday and friday but then im back on saturday to work at a wedding which is a bit daunting as ive never done weddings before adn itsl ike the person "special" day and i don't want to screw it up for them but HEY im a good enough waitress to get through it!
oh my ive written quite alot this evening
i think i might just stop keeping a diary and just write it all up here its easier and all my good mateys that ive given the URL to can read it and know whats going on in my life. GREAT!! :D:D
well im gonna love you and leave you my darlings
NIGHT
XXX
was alright i guess was working the floor by myslef most of the night because we're short on staff - oh well
dad came down for a bit to have his tea and totally took over but i suppose its his job.
ummmmmm yeah well it sucks a bit becasue like im here at my dads and im well up for going out and seeing everyone but i cant because their not on holiday so when im not working their at school and vise versa which SUCKS!! but the sexy emo is ill so i can go up and see him which is ace and crap all at the same time coz its ace that i get to see him and crap that he's ill.....
yeah but tomorrow im going in2 the caddy to see kirsty at lunch and what haev you which should be awesome havent had n up da street lunch in what seems like forever!!! :O
And then next WEdnesday im going to pans house then to the other caddy for a talent show which she and her mates are in that i said i'd go see, it should be ace aswell
Then on next friday i am going to stay over at pans to have a good old catch up oo and this saturday afternoon im off to Alves to see kisrty and talk to her for a whiley and catch up with her and that should mean that i've seen just about everyone AND i've managed to help dad out by working all the shifts so far im working most ever night except next wednesday and friday but then im back on saturday to work at a wedding which is a bit daunting as ive never done weddings before adn itsl ike the person "special" day and i don't want to screw it up for them but HEY im a good enough waitress to get through it!
oh my ive written quite alot this evening
i think i might just stop keeping a diary and just write it all up here its easier and all my good mateys that ive given the URL to can read it and know whats going on in my life. GREAT!! :D:D
well im gonna love you and leave you my darlings
NIGHT
XXX
am about to go to work
Well i'm here, at my dads and i'm supposed to be getting ready for work but hey ho it can wait, i dont take THAT long to get ready just need to change into my work people unifor which is like nearly the same as my school uniform with exception of the tie and blazer woo!!!!
lol
um yeah nothing that exciting happened to me today, got told that i was working like ALOT, aka most evenings lol
hee hee
well if i dont go soon ill be later so
cheery-pip
XxXxX
lol
um yeah nothing that exciting happened to me today, got told that i was working like ALOT, aka most evenings lol
hee hee
well if i dont go soon ill be later so
cheery-pip
XxXxX
Monday, 1 October 2007
while im away
OH yeah im away to my dads tomorrow
so i shall be posting regualarly to keep you up 2 date with all the amazing gossip from the excitin loft and such like lol
not that anything ever happens
XXXXX
so i shall be posting regualarly to keep you up 2 date with all the amazing gossip from the excitin loft and such like lol
not that anything ever happens
XXXXX
mates that are ill :(
its sucks sooo bad when your mates are ill and they either can't help themsleves or wont help themsleves!!
some people its just bad luck that gets them ill, you cant help a bust apendix or a brain tumor
you cant help that and you just have to put your faith in the doctors and hope that you get better
but there are other illnesses in this world that you as a person have to fight themselves with help from their family and friends
things like eating disorders
i think the people that have them are aware deep down that what they are doing to themselves is wrong and that they should stop but their conscious mind is telling them that what they are doing to themselves and the people that are about them and s**t.
its such a a shame when a person cant see that all everyone is trying t odo is help yet they continue to push them away and lock themselves in their own little world.
i wanna say.. that anyone who is thinking that their fat even though everyone is telling them their not the likely thing is that your not!
And for that one person that i know, that i car about and think is soo gorgus it hurts. you are beautiful and you deserve a fun life. go on have mars bar you know you want to
love you
XXXXXXXXXXX
some people its just bad luck that gets them ill, you cant help a bust apendix or a brain tumor
you cant help that and you just have to put your faith in the doctors and hope that you get better
but there are other illnesses in this world that you as a person have to fight themselves with help from their family and friends
things like eating disorders
i think the people that have them are aware deep down that what they are doing to themselves is wrong and that they should stop but their conscious mind is telling them that what they are doing to themselves and the people that are about them and s**t.
its such a a shame when a person cant see that all everyone is trying t odo is help yet they continue to push them away and lock themselves in their own little world.
i wanna say.. that anyone who is thinking that their fat even though everyone is telling them their not the likely thing is that your not!
And for that one person that i know, that i car about and think is soo gorgus it hurts. you are beautiful and you deserve a fun life. go on have mars bar you know you want to
love you
XXXXXXXXXXX
LA LA LA HOLIDAYS!!
Heya just back from a weekend away in blackpool, was the shizz
spent the whole of Saturday at the pleasure beach and bought rock for ll my awesome friendys....
lol went on the pepsi max twice and only went on the second time because you know how when your waiting for the ride they have like tv screens advertising things well i saw half an ad for a movie and it looked really good so i was like give me a name please.... but it didnt and i was gone before the name bit came and i was sooo annoyed
so i lined up and went on again so i could find out what the movie was called
oh for anyone who cares
its
disturbia
looks wel good
XXXXXX
spent the whole of Saturday at the pleasure beach and bought rock for ll my awesome friendys....
lol went on the pepsi max twice and only went on the second time because you know how when your waiting for the ride they have like tv screens advertising things well i saw half an ad for a movie and it looked really good so i was like give me a name please.... but it didnt and i was gone before the name bit came and i was sooo annoyed
so i lined up and went on again so i could find out what the movie was called
oh for anyone who cares
its
disturbia
looks wel good
XXXXXX
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