heya guys.. hows everyone ?
well it was christmas yesterday... its that nice.. i had a really good time +D
SM's family are actually really soudn.. i was a bit worried about meeting them all and that, because like they all know each other so well and i well... dont.
but yeah christmas was really fun and all that jazz.. just thought i'd check in and all ;)
but yeah my new cousin that i inherited when the rents got married.. Kieran (from now on K) he's really nice... we've stayed up really late at night just talking about life and stuff and he can totally deal with me crying and shit which is awesome +D
he really made my christmas.. i totally mis everyone and hes there to talk to and stoof
its ace +D
well gotta fly
talk later
xxxxxx
Friday, 26 December 2008
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
23.12.08
sorry i havent written in a while, but tbhi couldnt be bothered...
but yeah i was talking to some of my family (on my step mum's side :L its awfy confusing)
but yeah and Becky (my stepmums sister) and Mark (stepmums cousin) said something that really got me thinking.. they were talking about something that happened to my stepmum that i appear to know ardly anything about.. which i thought i knew quite alot about but anyway...
yeah they were just talking about how its not what bullshit you are put through, its how you deal with it that makes you who you are... then becky made a comment about how it was the first time she had seen me actually sit up and listen and absorb what someone was saying but it was kind of relevent, i was just thinking of all the bull that ive been through in the last couple of years and it was all really relevent and that.. and i was just sitting listening. and i dunno.. i just wanted to cry, if i think of all the things that have happened.. not just to me but to my friends its crazy shit.. and yeah i was just thinking about it... and yeah...
but yeah i was talking to some of my family (on my step mum's side :L its awfy confusing)
but yeah and Becky (my stepmums sister) and Mark (stepmums cousin) said something that really got me thinking.. they were talking about something that happened to my stepmum that i appear to know ardly anything about.. which i thought i knew quite alot about but anyway...
yeah they were just talking about how its not what bullshit you are put through, its how you deal with it that makes you who you are... then becky made a comment about how it was the first time she had seen me actually sit up and listen and absorb what someone was saying but it was kind of relevent, i was just thinking of all the bull that ive been through in the last couple of years and it was all really relevent and that.. and i was just sitting listening. and i dunno.. i just wanted to cry, if i think of all the things that have happened.. not just to me but to my friends its crazy shit.. and yeah i was just thinking about it... and yeah...
Sunday, 14 December 2008
14.12.08
heya.
Well this weekends been a bit exciting hasnt it... :L
not really just really, really busy... meh
I was working, first christmas party i've done of the season .
i started work at 10:30am on saturday and didnt get away until 1:45am sunday... was a leetle tired, to say the least.. :L
meh
Cant be bothered to write..
toodles .
xx
Well this weekends been a bit exciting hasnt it... :L
not really just really, really busy... meh
I was working, first christmas party i've done of the season .
i started work at 10:30am on saturday and didnt get away until 1:45am sunday... was a leetle tired, to say the least.. :L
meh
Cant be bothered to write..
toodles .
xx
Friday, 12 December 2008
what about now?
What the hell?!
this has all got totally confused and fucked up?!
i try and help my friend because if im perfectly honest he needs it because everyone is running around trying to make Gem feel better, but has anyone actually stopped and thought about how he might be feeling? no, didnt think so. and yeah before you go on about it, i know hes the one that dumped her but ive had to dump guys in the past and you feel like fucking shite after, and if no ones noticed hes been wasted every weekend since.. hmm no one realised, didnt think so.
maybe its just me that thinks this way becuase as soon as i start to spend a little time with him and try and talk to him and help him with his problems (OMG! i know a teenage boy that has problems, crazy stuff that.. he doesnt understand girls?! no! -cant you just feel the sarcasim-) i get asked if im secretly dating him, for christ sake, he's one of my best mates ex boyfriends of like 2 weeks ago why the hell would i do that to her??! after sitting with her the other night and sitting up til like 2 am talking about it we're ex's it didnt work last time, why would it work this time?
and yeah maybe shes upset and scared and stuff and yeah thats understandable but excuse me, i have shit going on too, ive been in tears for the last couple of days and feeling completely shit, and i dont know why, but has that made me accuse my so called best mates of backstabbing and lying and being a shit friend.. amazingly no!
im so pissed of because we all have shit going on and its not fair, i hate making people upset and i could tell by her blog that she was on the verge of hating me forever. and all over wanting to be friends with my ex. maybe being mates with him isnt such a good idea. i should probs mention it to him, go back to the shit way it was before when he would hardly talk to me.. yay.
meh
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
this has all got totally confused and fucked up?!
i try and help my friend because if im perfectly honest he needs it because everyone is running around trying to make Gem feel better, but has anyone actually stopped and thought about how he might be feeling? no, didnt think so. and yeah before you go on about it, i know hes the one that dumped her but ive had to dump guys in the past and you feel like fucking shite after, and if no ones noticed hes been wasted every weekend since.. hmm no one realised, didnt think so.
maybe its just me that thinks this way becuase as soon as i start to spend a little time with him and try and talk to him and help him with his problems (OMG! i know a teenage boy that has problems, crazy stuff that.. he doesnt understand girls?! no! -cant you just feel the sarcasim-) i get asked if im secretly dating him, for christ sake, he's one of my best mates ex boyfriends of like 2 weeks ago why the hell would i do that to her??! after sitting with her the other night and sitting up til like 2 am talking about it we're ex's it didnt work last time, why would it work this time?
and yeah maybe shes upset and scared and stuff and yeah thats understandable but excuse me, i have shit going on too, ive been in tears for the last couple of days and feeling completely shit, and i dont know why, but has that made me accuse my so called best mates of backstabbing and lying and being a shit friend.. amazingly no!
im so pissed of because we all have shit going on and its not fair, i hate making people upset and i could tell by her blog that she was on the verge of hating me forever. and all over wanting to be friends with my ex. maybe being mates with him isnt such a good idea. i should probs mention it to him, go back to the shit way it was before when he would hardly talk to me.. yay.
meh
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thursday, 11 December 2008
11.12.08
i hate my violin
i hate school
i hate boys
i hate theories
i hate art essays
i hate,
i hate,
i hate.
it always seems to be i hate with me..
im actually a nervous wreck at the moment
i dont get anything right
i'm totally stressing over stupid things that arent needed
and then there is the stuff thats important and the people that are important and its like im always missing them out...
and then i stress more because im missing them out
and the circle beings again..
meh
x
i hate school
i hate boys
i hate theories
i hate art essays
i hate,
i hate,
i hate.
it always seems to be i hate with me..
im actually a nervous wreck at the moment
i dont get anything right
i'm totally stressing over stupid things that arent needed
and then there is the stuff thats important and the people that are important and its like im always missing them out...
and then i stress more because im missing them out
and the circle beings again..
meh
x
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
blah blah blah
ey up.
well i'm having a loverly day i am.. its really boring actually, imma just in art, im supposed to be writing a critical about poster designers, but tbqh i really cant be bother atm, i just cant think just now. ach wells..
but yeah dont really know what to say..
Favourite song of the moment... speeding cars by imogen heap...
Here's the day you hoped would never come
don't feed me violins just run
with me
through rows of speeding cars
the paper cuts the cheating lovers
the coffees never strong enough
i know you think its more than just bad luck
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie
never far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this...
now's a bad a time as any
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
love it!
Much love
M
xx
well i'm having a loverly day i am.. its really boring actually, imma just in art, im supposed to be writing a critical about poster designers, but tbqh i really cant be bother atm, i just cant think just now. ach wells..
but yeah dont really know what to say..
Favourite song of the moment... speeding cars by imogen heap...
Here's the day you hoped would never come
don't feed me violins just run
with me
through rows of speeding cars
the paper cuts the cheating lovers
the coffees never strong enough
i know you think its more than just bad luck
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie
never far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this...
now's a bad a time as any
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
love it!
Much love
M
xx
Monday, 8 December 2008
08.12.08
*nod*
hey guys
how are you?
i've had a leetle bit of a busy weekend have i..
It started on friday when i stayed at MidgetGems, then got up saturday morning and went shopping in stirling, then the pantomime then to jimmy chungs for tea, then to Katts house for a party then T came and stayed at mine and then on sunday i went to pizza hut and the cinema.. i woke up this morning feeling more tired than i was when i left for gems on friday :L lol
ach wells
was all funsies :)
Much love
M
xxx
hey guys
how are you?
i've had a leetle bit of a busy weekend have i..
It started on friday when i stayed at MidgetGems, then got up saturday morning and went shopping in stirling, then the pantomime then to jimmy chungs for tea, then to Katts house for a party then T came and stayed at mine and then on sunday i went to pizza hut and the cinema.. i woke up this morning feeling more tired than i was when i left for gems on friday :L lol
ach wells
was all funsies :)
Much love
M
xxx
Friday, 5 December 2008
5.12.08
hello there my lovelys
sorry i havent posted in a couple of days ive just been so tired, its ridiculous..
well this evening i'm stayinga t my wonderful friend migetgems, this is because
1) i love her to bits
and
2) my younger sister is having a birthday party which involves her and 5 other 12 year old girls running around my house and gems is so calming in comparison even with her annoying 7 year old brother :P
ach wells
OH yeah i forgot, im writing a lyrics for a song for my friend, and ex MM's invention... i love him to bits i do :) and i really want to help becuase i know that as well as doing this for his school work he needs to work some stuff out in his head aswell
i hope i help.... :S
well thats all really... oh and i watched FAME for the first time today, it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
much love
M
xxx
sorry i havent posted in a couple of days ive just been so tired, its ridiculous..
well this evening i'm stayinga t my wonderful friend migetgems, this is because
1) i love her to bits
and
2) my younger sister is having a birthday party which involves her and 5 other 12 year old girls running around my house and gems is so calming in comparison even with her annoying 7 year old brother :P
ach wells
OH yeah i forgot, im writing a lyrics for a song for my friend, and ex MM's invention... i love him to bits i do :) and i really want to help becuase i know that as well as doing this for his school work he needs to work some stuff out in his head aswell
i hope i help.... :S
well thats all really... oh and i watched FAME for the first time today, it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
much love
M
xxx
Tuesday, 2 December 2008
02.12.08
oi oi oi, hows you all going?
well i've had some FABBYYYY news today :D:D:D:D:D
My friend who i thought might have had cancer, DOESNT!!!!!!!!!!! XDXD
i'm so happy :) i was so worriedful and now i dont need to worry about scary things like her dying or being uber ill or anything..
YAY!
well ski trip blog totally offically set up :)
woop woop
lol
i really cant think of anything to write :L
MUCH LOVE
M
xxxxxxxxx
well i've had some FABBYYYY news today :D:D:D:D:D
My friend who i thought might have had cancer, DOESNT!!!!!!!!!!! XDXD
i'm so happy :) i was so worriedful and now i dont need to worry about scary things like her dying or being uber ill or anything..
YAY!
well ski trip blog totally offically set up :)
woop woop
lol
i really cant think of anything to write :L
MUCH LOVE
M
xxxxxxxxx
Sunday, 30 November 2008
Friday, 28 November 2008
28.11.08
hey hey hey
well its the younger siblings birthday today.... joyeous, shes just turned 12, i reamember my 12th birthday, it was insane, because my dadd owns a music venue and this DJ guy owed him a favour, i had a proper full out disco thing for my 12th there was about 50 people there and i had an amazing night, it was soooo mcuh fun XD
but she got a mobile phone, ooo funsies :L shes been waiting to get one since, well i got one really....
but yeah, imma off school today because im on study leave, only got one more exam to go and then im free until next may... i think i failed a couple... ok maths but yeah :L
i'm currently at my dads house, totally stressing about christmas, i've writen my dad a song and i was going to record it and give it to him on cd, but my stepmum says that i should perform it on christmas and now im stressing laaks..
oh happy st.andrews day btw :)
tis all for now
much love
xxxxxxx
well its the younger siblings birthday today.... joyeous, shes just turned 12, i reamember my 12th birthday, it was insane, because my dadd owns a music venue and this DJ guy owed him a favour, i had a proper full out disco thing for my 12th there was about 50 people there and i had an amazing night, it was soooo mcuh fun XD
but she got a mobile phone, ooo funsies :L shes been waiting to get one since, well i got one really....
but yeah, imma off school today because im on study leave, only got one more exam to go and then im free until next may... i think i failed a couple... ok maths but yeah :L
i'm currently at my dads house, totally stressing about christmas, i've writen my dad a song and i was going to record it and give it to him on cd, but my stepmum says that i should perform it on christmas and now im stressing laaks..
oh happy st.andrews day btw :)
tis all for now
much love
xxxxxxx
Monday, 24 November 2008
sorry... :S
Heya Sorry i havent posted in a while (well on my standards, i have been checking blogger just havent had the energy to actually sit and type something out...ach wells) So yeah, im currently half way through my forth year prelims which i have to say is awesome! - not. it actually sucks, it means im at school at really random times and i don't get to see my friends, plus we just had inservice days and i went to visit my Dad which was good fun, and that leads to inevitably talking about the gig i went to on Friday (which was amzing btw) and talking about the little (ok minor understatment) argument i had with T at it. Ok the band are Twin Atlantic from glasgow and they are really really good, and such lovely guys as well, i ended up spending most of the afternoon on friday talking to them and watching them sound check.. but yeah check 'em out -
But yeah at the gig... Well i was working the door because it was the only way my dad was going to let me off the hook for not working in the resturant.... meh and then T and that arrive and i was all sweet, but then i saw T and it was pretty obvious she was pissed, which annoyed me a bit but i was like whatever, yeah and then this guy i know called J and he was really really drunk, Twin are his favourite band and everything but then the bouncer scottie chucked him out and T went with him, i had a bit of an argument with her, telling her not to go and then she left with him in a taxi while i was talking to a different friend of mine, so yeah shes left with this guy, who is very drunk and has a rep of being a slag, shes 14 and that so me, im worried t'hell what if something happens what if she regrets it etc etc so i try and phone her a couple of times and she doesnt answer, not the best sign so yeah i'm pissed off then i get a text on saturday NIGHT asking if i can apologise to my dad for her, and stuff and its like EXCUSE ME! WHAT ABOUT ME BITCH EVER THOUGHT I COULD HAVE BEEN UPSET ABOUT THIS! so yeah she obviously didnt take my thoughts into concideration and then she text me sayin sorry and shit and i was just like, you need to learn to take the consquences for what youve done and i wont believe your sorry until i know you really mean it, i got back a reply that had my text copied out and then a hyphen and i dont believe it, lol im at J house watching Kung Fu Panda... ok who actually does that, they totally disregard someones feeling and go on to talk about what fucking movie they are watching with the guy that they left the night before with... hmm so not a happy millie, Then last night i get a phonecall, it T shes in tears, she cant believe what she did, shes so stupid she shouldve have done it, blah blah blah blah blah tbh because yeah i think she thinks she means it but its like, hang on this is happened before, but last time it was with my brother, love you need to get yourself sorted out, this is still my turf, it doesnt matter how much attention your getting from them, i was born here i grew up here and i introduced you to these people, you need to think about it. AHHH!! i dont know what to do likes because today i was refusing to speack to her and i came out of my graphics exam and she was there and she was all BABE how are you? giving me a hug and its like for fuck sake i cant be dealing with that, just piss off because you cant expect after one teary phonecall that everything is going to magic itself better, these things take time, and tbqh i need time to decide if she deserves to be forgiven becuase like the more i write about it the more pathetic it seems me being so annoyed but then i remember quite how crap i felt when i realised she had left with him and there was absolutly nothing i could do about it, i guess its one of those times when i love someone so much and care about them so much that when they go and do something stupid i worry a hell of a lot and then im angry because its like they dont appear to give a damn about me. and it really doesnt matter what she says atm its all looking like an atempt to make me forgive her, which isnt going to happen for a while, and the thing is that it kills me to ignore her, i love her to bits and dont want to ignore her but i really dont want to talk to her either becuase its like, what the helll am i suppsoed to say, i let her have her piece, i let her explain herslef but her excuses just werent working for me, and maybe your thinking im a total bitch but hey i dont know why im so angry for such a petty thing that doesnt really involve me but i am, so i will be, its the kinda person i am. And its like i have other reasons to be angry i get the feeling that she usually only shows she loves me when she wants to do something or wants something of mine, she had my straigtners for over a week, and no i dont mind but it sucks when you go to use them and rememeber they arent there, and its stupid stuff like on THursday night, we were recording this song that i've written for my dad for christmas and then we went up to talk to my step-mum for a wee bit and i was like, shall we go back down and do some more and she was all nahh im tired lets just leave it and go to bed and then she procceds to be all chatty and shit when we are in bed, and its like if you were tired you wouldnt be sitting talking at me!! AHHHHHHHHHHH! but yeah, frustration out of the way. i'm sorry that you just wasted that amount of time reading that pathetic blog about pathetic stuff, but yeah..
much love
M
p.s going into art tomorrow, gonna spend the day painting and sketching YAY! :)
But yeah at the gig... Well i was working the door because it was the only way my dad was going to let me off the hook for not working in the resturant.... meh and then T and that arrive and i was all sweet, but then i saw T and it was pretty obvious she was pissed, which annoyed me a bit but i was like whatever, yeah and then this guy i know called J and he was really really drunk, Twin are his favourite band and everything but then the bouncer scottie chucked him out and T went with him, i had a bit of an argument with her, telling her not to go and then she left with him in a taxi while i was talking to a different friend of mine, so yeah shes left with this guy, who is very drunk and has a rep of being a slag, shes 14 and that so me, im worried t'hell what if something happens what if she regrets it etc etc so i try and phone her a couple of times and she doesnt answer, not the best sign so yeah i'm pissed off then i get a text on saturday NIGHT asking if i can apologise to my dad for her, and stuff and its like EXCUSE ME! WHAT ABOUT ME BITCH EVER THOUGHT I COULD HAVE BEEN UPSET ABOUT THIS! so yeah she obviously didnt take my thoughts into concideration and then she text me sayin sorry and shit and i was just like, you need to learn to take the consquences for what youve done and i wont believe your sorry until i know you really mean it, i got back a reply that had my text copied out and then a hyphen and i dont believe it, lol im at J house watching Kung Fu Panda... ok who actually does that, they totally disregard someones feeling and go on to talk about what fucking movie they are watching with the guy that they left the night before with... hmm so not a happy millie, Then last night i get a phonecall, it T shes in tears, she cant believe what she did, shes so stupid she shouldve have done it, blah blah blah blah blah tbh because yeah i think she thinks she means it but its like, hang on this is happened before, but last time it was with my brother, love you need to get yourself sorted out, this is still my turf, it doesnt matter how much attention your getting from them, i was born here i grew up here and i introduced you to these people, you need to think about it. AHHH!! i dont know what to do likes because today i was refusing to speack to her and i came out of my graphics exam and she was there and she was all BABE how are you? giving me a hug and its like for fuck sake i cant be dealing with that, just piss off because you cant expect after one teary phonecall that everything is going to magic itself better, these things take time, and tbqh i need time to decide if she deserves to be forgiven becuase like the more i write about it the more pathetic it seems me being so annoyed but then i remember quite how crap i felt when i realised she had left with him and there was absolutly nothing i could do about it, i guess its one of those times when i love someone so much and care about them so much that when they go and do something stupid i worry a hell of a lot and then im angry because its like they dont appear to give a damn about me. and it really doesnt matter what she says atm its all looking like an atempt to make me forgive her, which isnt going to happen for a while, and the thing is that it kills me to ignore her, i love her to bits and dont want to ignore her but i really dont want to talk to her either becuase its like, what the helll am i suppsoed to say, i let her have her piece, i let her explain herslef but her excuses just werent working for me, and maybe your thinking im a total bitch but hey i dont know why im so angry for such a petty thing that doesnt really involve me but i am, so i will be, its the kinda person i am. And its like i have other reasons to be angry i get the feeling that she usually only shows she loves me when she wants to do something or wants something of mine, she had my straigtners for over a week, and no i dont mind but it sucks when you go to use them and rememeber they arent there, and its stupid stuff like on THursday night, we were recording this song that i've written for my dad for christmas and then we went up to talk to my step-mum for a wee bit and i was like, shall we go back down and do some more and she was all nahh im tired lets just leave it and go to bed and then she procceds to be all chatty and shit when we are in bed, and its like if you were tired you wouldnt be sitting talking at me!! AHHHHHHHHHHH! but yeah, frustration out of the way. i'm sorry that you just wasted that amount of time reading that pathetic blog about pathetic stuff, but yeah..
much love
M
p.s going into art tomorrow, gonna spend the day painting and sketching YAY! :)
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
i hate maths
yeah, had my maths exam yesterday... totally screwed it up, like BIG time. I was in the exam and some of the questions i didnt understand, let alone know how to do them. and then there were some that i knew i knew how to do them but my mind just went totally blank, it was so frustrating!
but yeah, got french later on... actually in about 45 mins :S i hope i do better in this one!!
Tomorrow should be good fun, im going to visit my dad over the long weekend, and there's a gig on at the music venue he owns. Its a band called twin atlantic from glasgow which should be good fun, and a bunch of my friends from up north are going to be going, so i'll get to see them all which is ace! Im working for a little bit before hand hand though, which sucks a little but i need the money. And its nothing rubbish, im going to be on the door, becuase the way that everything works is that there is one of us (from the venue) and one of them (from the promotion company) hopefully ill be on the door with Dougie because he's sound ..
well i better fly, ive got a french exam to stress over :P
much love
M
xxxx
but yeah, got french later on... actually in about 45 mins :S i hope i do better in this one!!
Tomorrow should be good fun, im going to visit my dad over the long weekend, and there's a gig on at the music venue he owns. Its a band called twin atlantic from glasgow which should be good fun, and a bunch of my friends from up north are going to be going, so i'll get to see them all which is ace! Im working for a little bit before hand hand though, which sucks a little but i need the money. And its nothing rubbish, im going to be on the door, becuase the way that everything works is that there is one of us (from the venue) and one of them (from the promotion company) hopefully ill be on the door with Dougie because he's sound ..
well i better fly, ive got a french exam to stress over :P
much love
M
xxxx
Monday, 17 November 2008
17.11.08
i hate exams.
end of.
Yeah had my first prelim today, i was quite freaked out because like, i wasnt nervous at all :/ what does it all mean! well got Maths tomorrow and French day after then a 4 day break then back in with graphics and history on monday and then tuesday nothing and wednesday i have a music practical exam. Thursday i have physics and my theory music exam which is quite scary... then i get firday off and then on monday i have a 5 hour art exam in which im going to be sketching and painting my best friend... i really dont want to mess up!! AHHHHHH!! but ill be fine, im always fine... i should scrape through with all credits, hopefully.... :/
then its french speaking on the day after my art exam.. its all quite stressful!!
ach wells you can only try your best then hope XD
....
still shit scared tho :/
much love
M
xxxx
end of.
Yeah had my first prelim today, i was quite freaked out because like, i wasnt nervous at all :/ what does it all mean! well got Maths tomorrow and French day after then a 4 day break then back in with graphics and history on monday and then tuesday nothing and wednesday i have a music practical exam. Thursday i have physics and my theory music exam which is quite scary... then i get firday off and then on monday i have a 5 hour art exam in which im going to be sketching and painting my best friend... i really dont want to mess up!! AHHHHHH!! but ill be fine, im always fine... i should scrape through with all credits, hopefully.... :/
then its french speaking on the day after my art exam.. its all quite stressful!!
ach wells you can only try your best then hope XD
....
still shit scared tho :/
much love
M
xxxx
Saturday, 15 November 2008
side note
yeah i changes the template of my blog, felt like a change... i will probably change it back in a couple of days it is a bit pink...
xx
xx
15.11.08
heya, hows you guys?
im good thanks XD
i went out this evening up at around my dads, it was good fun but really really ( and i mean REALLY) cold! but tres nice to see everyone :)
My friend just broke up with her bf well actually he dumped her, when they were drunk, at an aftershow party.. .i was well pissed off, considering that her bf is my almost brother (hes been like a brother to me ever since i can remember and i really appreciate that) and i cant believe he hurt her like that its like SHEESH MAN cant you see when something amazing is happening to you... grrrrrrrr
anyhoo yeah and another couple that is kinda on hold atm is one of my bessies.. its a pure shame becuase she was so happy on friday and i dont think anyone saw that one coming.. but hopefully they'll get back together after prelims and it will all be good =]
well yeah thats really all atm
i wrote another song today... well thats a lie, i put chords to some lyrics i wrote the other day =]
much love
M
xx
im good thanks XD
i went out this evening up at around my dads, it was good fun but really really ( and i mean REALLY) cold! but tres nice to see everyone :)
My friend just broke up with her bf well actually he dumped her, when they were drunk, at an aftershow party.. .i was well pissed off, considering that her bf is my almost brother (hes been like a brother to me ever since i can remember and i really appreciate that) and i cant believe he hurt her like that its like SHEESH MAN cant you see when something amazing is happening to you... grrrrrrrr
anyhoo yeah and another couple that is kinda on hold atm is one of my bessies.. its a pure shame becuase she was so happy on friday and i dont think anyone saw that one coming.. but hopefully they'll get back together after prelims and it will all be good =]
well yeah thats really all atm
i wrote another song today... well thats a lie, i put chords to some lyrics i wrote the other day =]
much love
M
xx
Friday, 14 November 2008
14.11.08 - yeah ive given up on titles...
‘ello ‘ello ‘ello
Hows it going with you lot tonight then?
Well its that time of the week again where im sitting bored out of my mind on the train on my way to visit my dad, with no internet available… grrr.. But yeah
I am going to fail my exams! Its official, well I think I should do ok in the English writing but reading is gonna be a bit iffy laaks, the music listening I should be fine +D as I got a one on my mock but im bricking I about the performing… I’m on first aswell which is scary scary stuff!!!
History should be ok, as I got full marks on my 8-mark bit after having a total freak out after I’d sat it. I really did think I’d screwed it up totally and I know that I seem like one of these people that go “OMG im gonna fail!” and then promptly get full marks, I am to a certain extent but I do have to work pretty hard towards all my exams and that and its quite horrible coming out of an exam/test knowing that you didn’t do the best you could’ve so you know that your not gonna get as good a mark as you could!
But yeah,
French is just a write off :L if I pass it will be a miracle laak, im going first for that as well.. .. Damn my second name being close to the top of the register :L
Graphics im freaking out about because I really want to do well but last time I got like 1 mark under a one which irritated me lots and lots and this time I don’t think I’ll even get that.!
Maths,… don’t even talk to me about that, im so confused about most of the topics its ridiculous!
Physics hmmm if I revise like lots and lots I might pass it but its such a tedious subject to revise for….
Art I just have to practise shed loads before the actual exam which is after all the other prelims but apart from that I should be fine (:
And that’s all my subjects laaks, hmm hopefully I’ll get all credit marks but you can never be sure with this, everyone is like Millie! You’re gonna be fine!! Yoou’re well clever… yeah im clever-ish but there is a hell of a lot of hard work that goes along with that!!
Anyhoo that’s my little rant about failing everything done..
We’re using blogger for the skit trip blog which is sweet XD
That way I’m gonna know all about how to use it and I’ll be able to check mine and that. I’m thinking of making a group blog so I can go on as me instead of going on as the schools user (that im making btw!!) so yeah it should begood cause that way ill be able to write on here as well which is awesome cause I actually really enjoy writing all about everything and you guys have to leave me loads of comments so that I can keep in touch laaks because I don’t think ill have that much credit to text you both. : (
Anyway
Much Love
M
xxxx
Hows it going with you lot tonight then?
Well its that time of the week again where im sitting bored out of my mind on the train on my way to visit my dad, with no internet available… grrr.. But yeah
I am going to fail my exams! Its official, well I think I should do ok in the English writing but reading is gonna be a bit iffy laaks, the music listening I should be fine +D as I got a one on my mock but im bricking I about the performing… I’m on first aswell which is scary scary stuff!!!
History should be ok, as I got full marks on my 8-mark bit after having a total freak out after I’d sat it. I really did think I’d screwed it up totally and I know that I seem like one of these people that go “OMG im gonna fail!” and then promptly get full marks, I am to a certain extent but I do have to work pretty hard towards all my exams and that and its quite horrible coming out of an exam/test knowing that you didn’t do the best you could’ve so you know that your not gonna get as good a mark as you could!
But yeah,
French is just a write off :L if I pass it will be a miracle laak, im going first for that as well.. .. Damn my second name being close to the top of the register :L
Graphics im freaking out about because I really want to do well but last time I got like 1 mark under a one which irritated me lots and lots and this time I don’t think I’ll even get that.!
Maths,… don’t even talk to me about that, im so confused about most of the topics its ridiculous!
Physics hmmm if I revise like lots and lots I might pass it but its such a tedious subject to revise for….
Art I just have to practise shed loads before the actual exam which is after all the other prelims but apart from that I should be fine (:
And that’s all my subjects laaks, hmm hopefully I’ll get all credit marks but you can never be sure with this, everyone is like Millie! You’re gonna be fine!! Yoou’re well clever… yeah im clever-ish but there is a hell of a lot of hard work that goes along with that!!
Anyhoo that’s my little rant about failing everything done..
We’re using blogger for the skit trip blog which is sweet XD
That way I’m gonna know all about how to use it and I’ll be able to check mine and that. I’m thinking of making a group blog so I can go on as me instead of going on as the schools user (that im making btw!!) so yeah it should begood cause that way ill be able to write on here as well which is awesome cause I actually really enjoy writing all about everything and you guys have to leave me loads of comments so that I can keep in touch laaks because I don’t think ill have that much credit to text you both. : (
Anyway
Much Love
M
xxxx
ayyee
ey up.
well i just worked out that the school computers don't block blogger so that means that i can blog in the morning after swimming.
I did 50 lengths again this morning. So that now takes me up to a total of 150 this week. which is awesome. On monday i did 50 in a 30-20 split (breast stroke - front crawl) and both wednesday and today (friday) i did 50 with a 50:50 split of breaststroke and front crawl, I find the best way to do it is if you do 20 lengths of front crawl as soon as you get in the pool, then do a one length front crawl, one length breaststroke kinda thing for 10 lengths then do 20 lengths of breast stroke... seems to work for me. That way i can get 50 lengths done in 1/2 an hour before school which is sweet :)
but yeah thats really it i dont have anything very interesting to say this morning do i? :L:L
ach wells
with love
M
xxx
well i just worked out that the school computers don't block blogger so that means that i can blog in the morning after swimming.
I did 50 lengths again this morning. So that now takes me up to a total of 150 this week. which is awesome. On monday i did 50 in a 30-20 split (breast stroke - front crawl) and both wednesday and today (friday) i did 50 with a 50:50 split of breaststroke and front crawl, I find the best way to do it is if you do 20 lengths of front crawl as soon as you get in the pool, then do a one length front crawl, one length breaststroke kinda thing for 10 lengths then do 20 lengths of breast stroke... seems to work for me. That way i can get 50 lengths done in 1/2 an hour before school which is sweet :)
but yeah thats really it i dont have anything very interesting to say this morning do i? :L:L
ach wells
with love
M
xxx
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
oi oi ;)
heya
how are you all?
sorry i haven't written in a while i havent really had thatmuch to talk about, strange as it seems :L
well yeah secret santa, i think i know what im doing about it but im not really that sure, pippa doesnt know what she wants which doesnt help, but i have a couple of thoughts : )
I have a little problem with T's pressie (yeah i didnt get her for SS but shes been an amazing mate this year so i want to make her something) and yeah i know what i WANT to do, its the lagistics of getting it done that is the problem.. it involves stealing some stuff from her you see... i shall say no more as i have a feeling she reads my blog :L:L
but yeah, worried about burger again. I know that its bad, like really bad but i think she should try and get some help. Guidence is there to help you. They arent out to get you and they helped me for a while, strange, i know the girl who cant put across her emotions and has to look after one else, going to guidence... sounds a bit crazy dont it but hey thats the way life goes, im through that now... well im thinking of going to see them but i know that the people that i would want to talk to them about wouldnt want me to, so i wont :)
Yeah now a new figure i havent spoken about. yeah im worried about her laaks but yeah i shall just keep those worries locked away for the moment..
Good News tho!!
on ski trip Mr B is thinking of doing a blog so he asked for volenteers to like set it up and run it and stuff.. i obviously put my name down as i blog quite regularly (not as regularly as i would if i could but hey..) and i was like "sir what hosting site are you thinking of using?" and he was all "you appear to know a lot more about this than i do so would you be able to run the project?" CHUFFED?! i am :)
so yeah i have to go and see him so that i can get all the details of what he wants so i can see if blogger will fit the bill or if i will need to go and look at other blogging sites, or even vlogging, that would be rather amusing :L
but yeah, if im doing the blogging thing while im in france that means that i can keep up to date on here and everything which is awesome :) and that means i can talk to certain people *cough* T and Burger *cough* :L:L
well thats about it for this evening, i shall probably post something else later
Love
M
xxx
how are you all?
sorry i haven't written in a while i havent really had thatmuch to talk about, strange as it seems :L
well yeah secret santa, i think i know what im doing about it but im not really that sure, pippa doesnt know what she wants which doesnt help, but i have a couple of thoughts : )
I have a little problem with T's pressie (yeah i didnt get her for SS but shes been an amazing mate this year so i want to make her something) and yeah i know what i WANT to do, its the lagistics of getting it done that is the problem.. it involves stealing some stuff from her you see... i shall say no more as i have a feeling she reads my blog :L:L
but yeah, worried about burger again. I know that its bad, like really bad but i think she should try and get some help. Guidence is there to help you. They arent out to get you and they helped me for a while, strange, i know the girl who cant put across her emotions and has to look after one else, going to guidence... sounds a bit crazy dont it but hey thats the way life goes, im through that now... well im thinking of going to see them but i know that the people that i would want to talk to them about wouldnt want me to, so i wont :)
Yeah now a new figure i havent spoken about. yeah im worried about her laaks but yeah i shall just keep those worries locked away for the moment..
Good News tho!!
on ski trip Mr B is thinking of doing a blog so he asked for volenteers to like set it up and run it and stuff.. i obviously put my name down as i blog quite regularly (not as regularly as i would if i could but hey..) and i was like "sir what hosting site are you thinking of using?" and he was all "you appear to know a lot more about this than i do so would you be able to run the project?" CHUFFED?! i am :)
so yeah i have to go and see him so that i can get all the details of what he wants so i can see if blogger will fit the bill or if i will need to go and look at other blogging sites, or even vlogging, that would be rather amusing :L
but yeah, if im doing the blogging thing while im in france that means that i can keep up to date on here and everything which is awesome :) and that means i can talk to certain people *cough* T and Burger *cough* :L:L
well thats about it for this evening, i shall probably post something else later
Love
M
xxx
Monday, 10 November 2008
just a few things...
Why is it that everyone needs to have some kind of point to prove..
I never understand that.
Its like why, if you’re happy bother looking for a point to prove.. It annoys me when people just prove a point for the sake of it.
Grrr
I got my Christmas dance dress!! Well chuffed its so pretty, its red and black and I love it~!
Can’t wait for the dance now….. J
You know when you feel totally alone, like you have no one that you can speak to or that you can trust.
It sucks big time doesn’t it, but you need to take a deep breath and think about it, maybe you want to change everything about yourself, but maybe someone, somewhere loves you for who you really are, and doesn’t care how shit you’re feeling or how much crap you’re getting from you “friends” and your “family” an if only you wanted to talk they would be there. Maybe they caused a gap between you that they only wished they could fix, so that you would trust them enough to let them know what is up and why you feel so alone. Maybe you could let them in… I miss you. < / 3
Much love
M
xxxxx
I never understand that.
Its like why, if you’re happy bother looking for a point to prove.. It annoys me when people just prove a point for the sake of it.
Grrr
I got my Christmas dance dress!! Well chuffed its so pretty, its red and black and I love it~!
Can’t wait for the dance now….. J
You know when you feel totally alone, like you have no one that you can speak to or that you can trust.
It sucks big time doesn’t it, but you need to take a deep breath and think about it, maybe you want to change everything about yourself, but maybe someone, somewhere loves you for who you really are, and doesn’t care how shit you’re feeling or how much crap you’re getting from you “friends” and your “family” an if only you wanted to talk they would be there. Maybe they caused a gap between you that they only wished they could fix, so that you would trust them enough to let them know what is up and why you feel so alone. Maybe you could let them in… I miss you. < / 3
Much love
M
xxxxx
Friday, 7 November 2008
yeah well i gues i should tell you anyway.....
this is from this other blog i was gonna have but then decided that i wouldnt bother,,, i called it "if i said it outloud would it hurt them,.. because it was for where i would write things that would hurt if i wrotethem here because i know that some people i know really well read this blog and i dont have a problem with that or anything but there are somethings that i wouldnt want to tell you because it would upset you but ive decided that i can deal with you reading this and im going to [once ive posted this] delete my other blog because it serves no purpose.Tuesday, 14 October 2008
meh
ok this is just a continuation of my blog talkingsolvesproblems.blogspot.com but i can't write what i'm about to write on their because a certain set of people will read it and i know that is kinda the point but i want to have somewhere, where no one will read and i can just rant...
anyhoo tonight- me=pissed off, well not pissed off more jealous and annoyed but yeah.
T is totally falling for PM and its like yeah thats nice babe but im feeling pish at the moment because im not over my ex and no one looks twice at me. AND you're more popular in somewhere I used ot live and AHHHHH!! its just really annoying. yeah i was using her phone to talk to this guy i know who is really good at sorting things out in my head and all but then she went and took her phone when she went upstairs and i KNOW she will be reading through all the texts so shes gonna find out everything i think anyway but its like MEH! and then she wants to look through my sketchbook and i really dont want her to i was like not until its finsihed but the thing is it has all my thoughts in it when im annoyed or angry or upset i sit down and i draw, so its like hmmm what am i gonna do :( :(
well i gotta fly i need my sleep
Millie loves you
xxxx
meh
ok this is just a continuation of my blog talkingsolvesproblems.blogspot.com but i can't write what i'm about to write on their because a certain set of people will read it and i know that is kinda the point but i want to have somewhere, where no one will read and i can just rant...
anyhoo tonight- me=pissed off, well not pissed off more jealous and annoyed but yeah.
T is totally falling for PM and its like yeah thats nice babe but im feeling pish at the moment because im not over my ex and no one looks twice at me. AND you're more popular in somewhere I used ot live and AHHHHH!! its just really annoying. yeah i was using her phone to talk to this guy i know who is really good at sorting things out in my head and all but then she went and took her phone when she went upstairs and i KNOW she will be reading through all the texts so shes gonna find out everything i think anyway but its like MEH! and then she wants to look through my sketchbook and i really dont want her to i was like not until its finsihed but the thing is it has all my thoughts in it when im annoyed or angry or upset i sit down and i draw, so its like hmmm what am i gonna do :( :(
well i gotta fly i need my sleep
Millie loves you
xxxx
Monday, 3 November 2008
A reply to "random thoughts on love"
well i thought i would answer your question.
"All these things, so crappy. They happen to a lot of people, but for some reason we keep wanting love. What is that all about? We are crushed, shattered, bandaged, and mended. And we want more! It's absurd. No, it's human nature. We want love. We need love; most of us. "
why do we want love. because you want
to wake up in the morning and know someones thinking about you and smile
feel the butterflies in your stomach when see some one
have secret little looks that only the two of you know what they mean
to feel that close to someone
just that feeling you get, i dont know how to explain it
have you ever been in love?
i have, well i thought i was.
being in love means that the verysmell of that someone makes you feel dizzy.
when you look at them you can help but smile.
that you can talk to them about anything and everything and it doesnt matter as long as your talking.
thats what i think love is what do you think?
love
M
xx
"All these things, so crappy. They happen to a lot of people, but for some reason we keep wanting love. What is that all about? We are crushed, shattered, bandaged, and mended. And we want more! It's absurd. No, it's human nature. We want love. We need love; most of us. "
why do we want love. because you want
to wake up in the morning and know someones thinking about you and smile
feel the butterflies in your stomach when see some one
have secret little looks that only the two of you know what they mean
to feel that close to someone
just that feeling you get, i dont know how to explain it
have you ever been in love?
i have, well i thought i was.
being in love means that the verysmell of that someone makes you feel dizzy.
when you look at them you can help but smile.
that you can talk to them about anything and everything and it doesnt matter as long as your talking.
thats what i think love is what do you think?
love
M
xx
well well well
well todays been quite how shall i put it... stressful.
i hate relationships. yet i want one so bad.
I hate them because
they cause trouble
no one is ever happy
some one is always getting hurt
soemthing always have to give
once you get over those problems well... your single really.
i would go into it but i think i might wait a few hours til i cant sleep and then do it.
its ridiculous now becuase its like a rountine... i cant sleep
i write blogs
i go on msn
i try and sleep
i wake up
and im late.
it sucks
:(
meh
xxx
i hate relationships. yet i want one so bad.
I hate them because
they cause trouble
no one is ever happy
some one is always getting hurt
soemthing always have to give
once you get over those problems well... your single really.
i would go into it but i think i might wait a few hours til i cant sleep and then do it.
its ridiculous now becuase its like a rountine... i cant sleep
i write blogs
i go on msn
i try and sleep
i wake up
and im late.
it sucks
:(
meh
xxx
Sunday, 2 November 2008
31st october... happy halloween
Hello there, I’m writing another one of those “on the train” blogs. Get really quite bored when im on the train so it’s a good way to pass the time. What can I say. I’m travelling across the country and I’m missing what could be a really good party… but what can you do, parents come first… right?
A sweetener on the fact that I’m leaving all my friends to go visit my dad, is that I am getting to go out tomorrow night and see a bunch of people that I haven’t seen for a couple of weeks which is awesome…
Halloween today. I’m doing nothing. I don’t really see the point. I was at school all day and now I’m on the train and then when I get to dads it in the middle of nowhere and yes my younger sister is going out trick or treating but I really cannot be bothered to go around the pitiful number of houses that are around my dads, its pretty much a waste of time getting dressed up. But yeah the party im missing tonight is a Halloween party and it sounds like its going to be a pretty good one as well. Well apart from the fact that the girlie that is having it’s parents don’t know she’s having it so everyone may have to disappear at a moments notice, which should be quite funny. Obv its fancy dress and I know what a couple of my mates are going as.. One of the guys is going as a nurse, pippa’s going as a naughty school girl, T is going as a kitten, MM is going as a fireman but im not supposed to know that as it’s a surprise for everyone at the party but pippa told me =] hes got all the proper kit as well which should be awesome J
But yeah tomorrow night im going out to bonfire night up at my dads and I’m not too sure whats gonna happen. Everyone says that its amazing fun but last time I went it seemed incredibly boring but I guess that’s because I wasn’t with all my mates and completely wasted…
Not that im gonna get wasted tomorrow night, because im staying with my dad there is no point in trying anything. If I come home sober I’d be fine but the thing with that is that I have a very short period of time that I get to see everyone. And in that time everyone is drinking a hell of a lot. I can get away with drinking a little because I can hold my drink a hell of a lot better than T but I worked out that when I drink I really just get a sore head.. Not like a hangover but while im drinking I get a sore head, I guess its from the dehydration or whatever but meh… but I don’t really have the desire to get completely wasted like a load of my friends its like love you really don’t need to get wasted to have a good time … but they never listen and some of them (I get quite pissed off when they do this) go the entire day with hardly any food so that they get wasted really quickly and that and I really don’t think that its really necessary cause its like, yeah babe you might be drinking at whatever ,,, and I really don’t have a problem with that or whatever but if your gonna purposefully get yourself para then your just really stupid laak.
Well I’ve pretty much ran outta things to say for the moment and the train has JUST left the station… grrrr… oh well what can you do laak ..
love
M
A sweetener on the fact that I’m leaving all my friends to go visit my dad, is that I am getting to go out tomorrow night and see a bunch of people that I haven’t seen for a couple of weeks which is awesome…
Halloween today. I’m doing nothing. I don’t really see the point. I was at school all day and now I’m on the train and then when I get to dads it in the middle of nowhere and yes my younger sister is going out trick or treating but I really cannot be bothered to go around the pitiful number of houses that are around my dads, its pretty much a waste of time getting dressed up. But yeah the party im missing tonight is a Halloween party and it sounds like its going to be a pretty good one as well. Well apart from the fact that the girlie that is having it’s parents don’t know she’s having it so everyone may have to disappear at a moments notice, which should be quite funny. Obv its fancy dress and I know what a couple of my mates are going as.. One of the guys is going as a nurse, pippa’s going as a naughty school girl, T is going as a kitten, MM is going as a fireman but im not supposed to know that as it’s a surprise for everyone at the party but pippa told me =] hes got all the proper kit as well which should be awesome J
But yeah tomorrow night im going out to bonfire night up at my dads and I’m not too sure whats gonna happen. Everyone says that its amazing fun but last time I went it seemed incredibly boring but I guess that’s because I wasn’t with all my mates and completely wasted…
Not that im gonna get wasted tomorrow night, because im staying with my dad there is no point in trying anything. If I come home sober I’d be fine but the thing with that is that I have a very short period of time that I get to see everyone. And in that time everyone is drinking a hell of a lot. I can get away with drinking a little because I can hold my drink a hell of a lot better than T but I worked out that when I drink I really just get a sore head.. Not like a hangover but while im drinking I get a sore head, I guess its from the dehydration or whatever but meh… but I don’t really have the desire to get completely wasted like a load of my friends its like love you really don’t need to get wasted to have a good time … but they never listen and some of them (I get quite pissed off when they do this) go the entire day with hardly any food so that they get wasted really quickly and that and I really don’t think that its really necessary cause its like, yeah babe you might be drinking at whatever ,,, and I really don’t have a problem with that or whatever but if your gonna purposefully get yourself para then your just really stupid laak.
Well I’ve pretty much ran outta things to say for the moment and the train has JUST left the station… grrrr… oh well what can you do laak ..
love
M
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
im worried
somethings up with my friend. i dunno what it is, i know that i know nothing about him, well i've hardly scratched the surface to knowing him, but i know somethings up and its like i think it might be something big... :/ i dunno what to do. im scared :(
i dont know whats with him. its like i try to be his friend and he all best buds and then he totally blanks me out and i dunno whats up with him. its like i know somethings there but i dont know what and i cant get out of him if he wants me to be there for him.
:(
on a different note, ive caved to the man. i got itunes.
x
i dont know whats with him. its like i try to be his friend and he all best buds and then he totally blanks me out and i dunno whats up with him. its like i know somethings there but i dont know what and i cant get out of him if he wants me to be there for him.
:(
on a different note, ive caved to the man. i got itunes.
x
Tuesday, 28 October 2008
yay friends
rawr, i think ive found myself a really good friend, well actually a couple of really good friends. who help me out when i need them to. they are awesome and i miss them lots.... but i should get to see them satutrday at the bonfire. yay!
millie
x
millie
x
Sunday, 26 October 2008
my weekend...
what up people. its been a long weekend in more ways than one.
Its a year today :(
i miss him sooooo much i cant believe hes really gone , well i can and i cant if that makes any sense ?
i went down to his grave today. it was the first time id been down with some one else... and it was weird. i stood there looking at all the flowers and stuff that had been left for him. there was loads and they were from loadsa different people. I was standing there in the rain with tears rolling down my cheeks but i couldn't feel anything i wasnt happy, i wasnt sad, i was completely numb. it was weird..
Appart from today my weekend has been pretty good. I had all my family over because it was my grannies 85th birthday and it was good crac, mostly when my grannie wasnt there tho.... :/ and everyone got quite drunk. i didnt because i didnt really want to drink to get drunk. i got a bit giggly but that was it..
anyhoo i dont really have much more to say this evening..
gotta fly
Millie
<3
Its a year today :(
i miss him sooooo much i cant believe hes really gone , well i can and i cant if that makes any sense ?
i went down to his grave today. it was the first time id been down with some one else... and it was weird. i stood there looking at all the flowers and stuff that had been left for him. there was loads and they were from loadsa different people. I was standing there in the rain with tears rolling down my cheeks but i couldn't feel anything i wasnt happy, i wasnt sad, i was completely numb. it was weird..
Appart from today my weekend has been pretty good. I had all my family over because it was my grannies 85th birthday and it was good crac, mostly when my grannie wasnt there tho.... :/ and everyone got quite drunk. i didnt because i didnt really want to drink to get drunk. i got a bit giggly but that was it..
anyhoo i dont really have much more to say this evening..
gotta fly
Millie
<3
Thursday, 23 October 2008
nearly a year on...
This is a letter i wrote to Tom tonight. its quite long...
heya Darling,
One year Sunday,
Crazy that.
So much has happened uet i still remember that friday as if it was yesterday. We were all in maths when someone came up and told Mr.Mayne that there was an extended break becasue of an emergency staff meeting. By the time the words were out of their mouth i knew. I said to Tilly who was sitting next to me. I know what it is, i don't want it to be it but it is and she said it was proabably something to do with Mr.Simpson leaving, i said it couldnt be because none of the staff knew about it. When the bell went dor the kreak think there was only one thing on my mind, i needed to find sarah. She was a prefect, she would know what was happening she would be able to confirm my fears or tell me that it was all in my head. O remember bumping into smee, i was in floods of tears by this point and almost hysterics, i needed to know what was going on. When the bell went i went down to Art. I could tell as soon as i saw MrYates that my fears were right. He told us to go in and not to take our folders out, he would talk to us as a class. When everyone was in he said we had to sit and when the three bells went we were to head down to the hall and sit as a class.. Balls to that. When the three bells went, yeah we all headed to the hall but we didnt sit as a class, i don't know who was siting on one side of me but on the other was my music man, Mrs Ross was the one to address us all. I can't remember what she said exactly but it went along the lines of "you were in his year group, you should be the first to know" and "passed away" i was already in tears and so were quite a few others who had worked out what ha happened before we were told. But as soon as she said the words "passed away" it was like someone had put a blanket over everyone. Everyone was in floods, well almost everyone, Mrs Ross told all to hold hands before she actually told us. I'm so grateful that mm was there, he didnt cry either he just held my hand and then when we all stood up he gave me a huge hug.. Then i took a deep breath and went back to art. When the few people who came back to art arrived back Mr yates was asking if he could do anything, if there was anyone we wanted to see, he asked me if i wanted to go see my sister, i did want to see my sister, just not the one he was refering to. I wanted to see sarah, i wanted to see her more than anything. I asked if i could go and he let me.. I went to find her and at first i couldn't find her and i can't remember when i did but all i wanted to give her the biggest hug of all time. After i had found her amd that, my thoughts turned to squirt, she loved you babe, she really did. First sarah and i went outside and sat in the rain with everyone else. when the bell went for lunch they still hadnt told her. i went inside and when i saw her... i dont remember what was said but it was said all the same. It was horrible she practically collasped. o fe;t so bad for her. I think it was at that point that i took another deep breath and put my own emotions to one side, everyone else needed me more than i did. So i started going around everyone, tears still spilling down my cheeks telling everyone it was going to be ok. At one point i turned to TIlly and realised she was doing exactly the same thing. With a grim smile an da quicl hug we parted and continued in our attempts to regain control on a completely helpless situation. When i walked up the stair for third period the school seemed threateningly quiet, a lot of people had gone home. i got to french and there was 6 people in my class. I sat in my seat and blankly copied vocabulary. About ten minutes into the lesson Rachael left, i finished my vocab so i started to draw. I drew the faces of people i didnt know but knew how i felt. when i was finished i dated it and added fresh tears to the ones that i had drawn on the page. Then it was lunch, i cant really remember doing much apart from what ive already said, so there isnt much point in trying to tell you about an hour i cant remember. Then i went to RE, probably the best thing to happen to me all day. Mr Thomson talked to us, about you, about grief, about the people that hardly knew you yet had gone home. It was at that point that i knew that the people that cared, like really cared had stayed or come back. Because who wants to be at home crying on your own when you have your friends at school that cared about you. I was there, Christine was there. She was so brave that day, i cant describe it. how she managed it i dont know it was incredible, she still is. Thatsall i cared about being at school with the people that knew you. After RE i had history. By this point i was no longer visably upset, that was totallyat the back of my mind by now, i needed to concentrate on making everyone else smile. So i bounced into history and asked what we were doing that day. And it was cally at that point that i will never forget she said "Emily, how do you do it? you bounce back and make everyone around you feel better" what she said will stay with me for a long time. It made me want to help even more. That lesson we didnt do very much, we played hangman, talked about you and listened to music, it settled our thoughts i guess. Then when i got home mum came in and i told her that me and amelia had decided to go up north anyway, and it would probably help. she asked me what i was on about and i was like "didnt catriona tell you.. it's tom...." i couldn't say anymore than that. The next thing i remember is being on the train trying to write lyrics for the song i knew i was going to write that weekend, i always write music when anything happens and i was sitting next to this guy and he read the lyrics over my shoulder (its not in the final song btw) and he was like, "let me help£ and i was like "its fine ill do it myslef thanks, its a bit of a touchy subject" and then he was being all im a uni student who is studying maths (he was helping me with my maths earlier that train journey) and being all know-it-all and said "its about some guy you like isnt it" and i was like "not exactly" and he pushed the subject and was all "its fine, i was your age once blah balh blah" and then i totally snapped at him and said "id you MUST know its about my friend who died from brain cancer this morning" and the guy was all "oh, ok umm sorry to hear that" i hated the fact that i had to do that becasuse its like why do you need to know that. But yeah we got to dads and mum must have told him because they were all being all nice and that. I stayed up that night and write, kinda like tonight, well tonight im writing this letter that night i was writing your song which turned into flying with the angels, it still has no accompaniment and its nearly a year on, i really need to fix that. But yeah that was Friday the 26th of October 2007 for me. i guess yours wasnt much better. Graned ot entire year is so much closer now but it wasnt worth losing you
i miss you so much y'know
i love you
forever my love
millie
x<3x
heya Darling,
One year Sunday,
Crazy that.
So much has happened uet i still remember that friday as if it was yesterday. We were all in maths when someone came up and told Mr.Mayne that there was an extended break becasue of an emergency staff meeting. By the time the words were out of their mouth i knew. I said to Tilly who was sitting next to me. I know what it is, i don't want it to be it but it is and she said it was proabably something to do with Mr.Simpson leaving, i said it couldnt be because none of the staff knew about it. When the bell went dor the kreak think there was only one thing on my mind, i needed to find sarah. She was a prefect, she would know what was happening she would be able to confirm my fears or tell me that it was all in my head. O remember bumping into smee, i was in floods of tears by this point and almost hysterics, i needed to know what was going on. When the bell went i went down to Art. I could tell as soon as i saw MrYates that my fears were right. He told us to go in and not to take our folders out, he would talk to us as a class. When everyone was in he said we had to sit and when the three bells went we were to head down to the hall and sit as a class.. Balls to that. When the three bells went, yeah we all headed to the hall but we didnt sit as a class, i don't know who was siting on one side of me but on the other was my music man, Mrs Ross was the one to address us all. I can't remember what she said exactly but it went along the lines of "you were in his year group, you should be the first to know" and "passed away" i was already in tears and so were quite a few others who had worked out what ha happened before we were told. But as soon as she said the words "passed away" it was like someone had put a blanket over everyone. Everyone was in floods, well almost everyone, Mrs Ross told all to hold hands before she actually told us. I'm so grateful that mm was there, he didnt cry either he just held my hand and then when we all stood up he gave me a huge hug.. Then i took a deep breath and went back to art. When the few people who came back to art arrived back Mr yates was asking if he could do anything, if there was anyone we wanted to see, he asked me if i wanted to go see my sister, i did want to see my sister, just not the one he was refering to. I wanted to see sarah, i wanted to see her more than anything. I asked if i could go and he let me.. I went to find her and at first i couldn't find her and i can't remember when i did but all i wanted to give her the biggest hug of all time. After i had found her amd that, my thoughts turned to squirt, she loved you babe, she really did. First sarah and i went outside and sat in the rain with everyone else. when the bell went for lunch they still hadnt told her. i went inside and when i saw her... i dont remember what was said but it was said all the same. It was horrible she practically collasped. o fe;t so bad for her. I think it was at that point that i took another deep breath and put my own emotions to one side, everyone else needed me more than i did. So i started going around everyone, tears still spilling down my cheeks telling everyone it was going to be ok. At one point i turned to TIlly and realised she was doing exactly the same thing. With a grim smile an da quicl hug we parted and continued in our attempts to regain control on a completely helpless situation. When i walked up the stair for third period the school seemed threateningly quiet, a lot of people had gone home. i got to french and there was 6 people in my class. I sat in my seat and blankly copied vocabulary. About ten minutes into the lesson Rachael left, i finished my vocab so i started to draw. I drew the faces of people i didnt know but knew how i felt. when i was finished i dated it and added fresh tears to the ones that i had drawn on the page. Then it was lunch, i cant really remember doing much apart from what ive already said, so there isnt much point in trying to tell you about an hour i cant remember. Then i went to RE, probably the best thing to happen to me all day. Mr Thomson talked to us, about you, about grief, about the people that hardly knew you yet had gone home. It was at that point that i knew that the people that cared, like really cared had stayed or come back. Because who wants to be at home crying on your own when you have your friends at school that cared about you. I was there, Christine was there. She was so brave that day, i cant describe it. how she managed it i dont know it was incredible, she still is. Thatsall i cared about being at school with the people that knew you. After RE i had history. By this point i was no longer visably upset, that was totallyat the back of my mind by now, i needed to concentrate on making everyone else smile. So i bounced into history and asked what we were doing that day. And it was cally at that point that i will never forget she said "Emily, how do you do it? you bounce back and make everyone around you feel better" what she said will stay with me for a long time. It made me want to help even more. That lesson we didnt do very much, we played hangman, talked about you and listened to music, it settled our thoughts i guess. Then when i got home mum came in and i told her that me and amelia had decided to go up north anyway, and it would probably help. she asked me what i was on about and i was like "didnt catriona tell you.. it's tom...." i couldn't say anymore than that. The next thing i remember is being on the train trying to write lyrics for the song i knew i was going to write that weekend, i always write music when anything happens and i was sitting next to this guy and he read the lyrics over my shoulder (its not in the final song btw) and he was like, "let me help£ and i was like "its fine ill do it myslef thanks, its a bit of a touchy subject" and then he was being all im a uni student who is studying maths (he was helping me with my maths earlier that train journey) and being all know-it-all and said "its about some guy you like isnt it" and i was like "not exactly" and he pushed the subject and was all "its fine, i was your age once blah balh blah" and then i totally snapped at him and said "id you MUST know its about my friend who died from brain cancer this morning" and the guy was all "oh, ok umm sorry to hear that" i hated the fact that i had to do that becasuse its like why do you need to know that. But yeah we got to dads and mum must have told him because they were all being all nice and that. I stayed up that night and write, kinda like tonight, well tonight im writing this letter that night i was writing your song which turned into flying with the angels, it still has no accompaniment and its nearly a year on, i really need to fix that. But yeah that was Friday the 26th of October 2007 for me. i guess yours wasnt much better. Graned ot entire year is so much closer now but it wasnt worth losing you
i miss you so much y'know
i love you
forever my love
millie
x<3x
Monday, 20 October 2008
hello again
heya guys
well ive just worked out if i have my laptop at a certain angle icanget the wireless in my room, its ridiculously slow but what can you do its still internet after all :D
anyhoo yeah life in general atm is alright i guess. i cant sleep atm which sucks considering its two in the morning. so i just decided i would put on some music and then the internet was working so i thought. might as well dosome blogging likes :D
ayye so met a bunch of new people,one stood out more than the others like. Before i met him i got the impression he was a complete womanising bastard but i've met him, ive spoken to himand he seems so lovely! its like i can tell him anything and he wont judge me at all. He's well cool and i hope that we grow to be good mates :D
Burger is upset,its totally understandable and ive been so busy lately that i havent been able to be there for her,which isnt good, i need to be there for her. its like no one else is :(
i miss tom
i was thinking about him tonight
and its like i wish i had told him how much he meant to me before it was too late. :(
Poser was on msn earlier, he hardly said anything :( i think ive screwed that up pretty spectacularly.... :(:( why did i have to open my mouth!!! we wouldve been fine if i hadnt at, least we wouldve been mates :(:(
oh well its now 2:11 so i should probably fly
talk soon
xxxxxxx
M
well ive just worked out if i have my laptop at a certain angle icanget the wireless in my room, its ridiculously slow but what can you do its still internet after all :D
anyhoo yeah life in general atm is alright i guess. i cant sleep atm which sucks considering its two in the morning. so i just decided i would put on some music and then the internet was working so i thought. might as well dosome blogging likes :D
ayye so met a bunch of new people,one stood out more than the others like. Before i met him i got the impression he was a complete womanising bastard but i've met him, ive spoken to himand he seems so lovely! its like i can tell him anything and he wont judge me at all. He's well cool and i hope that we grow to be good mates :D
Burger is upset,its totally understandable and ive been so busy lately that i havent been able to be there for her,which isnt good, i need to be there for her. its like no one else is :(
i miss tom
i was thinking about him tonight
and its like i wish i had told him how much he meant to me before it was too late. :(
Poser was on msn earlier, he hardly said anything :( i think ive screwed that up pretty spectacularly.... :(:( why did i have to open my mouth!!! we wouldve been fine if i hadnt at, least we wouldve been mates :(:(
oh well its now 2:11 so i should probably fly
talk soon
xxxxxxx
M
Sunday, 19 October 2008
heya...
this ones directed at someone new.
im sorry, ive screwed things up with you, as friends, not even anything more.
As much as you said that we should just be friends i still thought i had a chance in my head. Then i did what i always do and then i asked all the wrong questions and now i can sense the diference in our conversation... again. i'm sorry
xxxxx
i hope you read this. <3
im sorry, ive screwed things up with you, as friends, not even anything more.
As much as you said that we should just be friends i still thought i had a chance in my head. Then i did what i always do and then i asked all the wrong questions and now i can sense the diference in our conversation... again. i'm sorry
xxxxx
i hope you read this. <3
Monday, 13 October 2008
a sneaky blog
tis quite amusing because tilly says i'm a very sneaky blogger.. cause like she is with me all the time, i share a bed with her at night and spend most of my day with her yet she never sees me blogging, but i always have a blog done in the evening :L
but yeah anyhoo
today was AMAZING fun
i haven't laughed that much in agggers, well apart from kitchen banter but i havent had that for aggggers either... :(
WE NEED TO GET THAT SORTED!! guitar lessons that is... hmmm
but anyhoo yeah i can't really think of much to say just now, T and PM are getting their wedding plans underway, (its quite sweet, their flirting technique) and so their all jolly and happy, and so are pippa and MM... meh oh well
and that loverly hockey boy likes my burger, im sure of it +D
well i gotta fly
sleep is calling
<3
xX<3Xx
but yeah anyhoo
today was AMAZING fun
i haven't laughed that much in agggers, well apart from kitchen banter but i havent had that for aggggers either... :(
WE NEED TO GET THAT SORTED!! guitar lessons that is... hmmm
but anyhoo yeah i can't really think of much to say just now, T and PM are getting their wedding plans underway, (its quite sweet, their flirting technique) and so their all jolly and happy, and so are pippa and MM... meh oh well
and that loverly hockey boy likes my burger, im sure of it +D
well i gotta fly
sleep is calling
<3
xX<3Xx
Sunday, 12 October 2008
burgers blog...xx
Ok I have to say all this because I have a little bit of a nervous break down on my hands.
BURGER! I still love you, I always loved you and I’m not going to run away because you’re ill. I know you’ll need me more if you do get worse and I’m not about to go anywhere. The credit is low and im working shed loads so I cant talk to you as much as I want… L
\you’re not going to lose me. Ok lets get that straight and you’re not pushing me away. I know that sometimes you need space to think things through and I try and oblige but I know that at the moment the last thing you want is space but I have to give it to you because I can’t be there.
Do you know how much I hate not being able to be there it sucks so bad. I hate being away from home in the holidays because I know that I should be at home so that I can keep you smiling.
NEVER STOP SMILING!!
It might not be ok. But even if its not im still gonna be there to make you laugh the best I can.. .
I feel bad because I feel like im moving away when you need me most but im coming back.
One move week and ill be there and I promise that its all gonna be alright
Ok ??
don’t worry about the scare or the hurt I can deal with it.. .ok??
I can cope with this, just don’t forget that even if im not physically talking to you. You’re still in my thoughts and I love you and want you to be happy…. Ok?
Now that we’ve settled that. I think that you should try and get some sleep!!!
Love you lots
MLBL+M+L+SAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3
Never let go
Never forget.
<3
BURGER! I still love you, I always loved you and I’m not going to run away because you’re ill. I know you’ll need me more if you do get worse and I’m not about to go anywhere. The credit is low and im working shed loads so I cant talk to you as much as I want… L
\you’re not going to lose me. Ok lets get that straight and you’re not pushing me away. I know that sometimes you need space to think things through and I try and oblige but I know that at the moment the last thing you want is space but I have to give it to you because I can’t be there.
Do you know how much I hate not being able to be there it sucks so bad. I hate being away from home in the holidays because I know that I should be at home so that I can keep you smiling.
NEVER STOP SMILING!!
It might not be ok. But even if its not im still gonna be there to make you laugh the best I can.. .
I feel bad because I feel like im moving away when you need me most but im coming back.
One move week and ill be there and I promise that its all gonna be alright
Ok ??
don’t worry about the scare or the hurt I can deal with it.. .ok??
I can cope with this, just don’t forget that even if im not physically talking to you. You’re still in my thoughts and I love you and want you to be happy…. Ok?
Now that we’ve settled that. I think that you should try and get some sleep!!!
Love you lots
MLBL+M+L+SAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3
Never let go
Never forget.
<3
12th October 08
Well todays was fun…
I got up REALLY late, it was like midday XD
Havent done that in ages and I miss just lazing about but I have to say that I like having the morning to do stuff in so its kinda a catch 22 ):
But yeah then we went to the loft for lunch and I had duck and it was loverly XD
Then me and T-monster headed back to the house and I was on msn to PM and tried to establish what the deal was with how he feels about T but I guess it has only been a couple of days…
She really likes him. I can tell by the way she laughs at the things he writes on msn and what she says to him and about him, its quite sweet really. I hope she’s happy but still im a bit meh about it all, cause like the nice guys never go for me. But T is the prettier, funnier, generally more lovely person… but still meh…
):
Yeah then after talking to him I went for a walk with T and this guy that was in my year in primary. It was so much fun, I miss all the people from my old school so much its crazy like. I wish that I could live closer so I could see everyone and everyone would be friends, but then again I think its nice for them to be separate because the places are so different and so are the people and the way they look at things..
I miss him
< / 3 hes away this week so its not even like I can fight with him ):
I really did screw that one up spectacularly.. Its like I could have just taken him breaking up with me and been is friend but no I had to try and work it so that I got more and that was really stupid. I let myself get angry with him for things that were my fault or in my head and it was like AHHH!!! I can’t believe i did that. Meh
And im worried about burger (see *burger blog*)
But that’s really it for just now
I gotta fly because T is trying to sleep and im being loud and full of light :L
Xx<3xX
I got up REALLY late, it was like midday XD
Havent done that in ages and I miss just lazing about but I have to say that I like having the morning to do stuff in so its kinda a catch 22 ):
But yeah then we went to the loft for lunch and I had duck and it was loverly XD
Then me and T-monster headed back to the house and I was on msn to PM and tried to establish what the deal was with how he feels about T but I guess it has only been a couple of days…
She really likes him. I can tell by the way she laughs at the things he writes on msn and what she says to him and about him, its quite sweet really. I hope she’s happy but still im a bit meh about it all, cause like the nice guys never go for me. But T is the prettier, funnier, generally more lovely person… but still meh…
):
Yeah then after talking to him I went for a walk with T and this guy that was in my year in primary. It was so much fun, I miss all the people from my old school so much its crazy like. I wish that I could live closer so I could see everyone and everyone would be friends, but then again I think its nice for them to be separate because the places are so different and so are the people and the way they look at things..
I miss him
< / 3 hes away this week so its not even like I can fight with him ):
I really did screw that one up spectacularly.. Its like I could have just taken him breaking up with me and been is friend but no I had to try and work it so that I got more and that was really stupid. I let myself get angry with him for things that were my fault or in my head and it was like AHHH!!! I can’t believe i did that. Meh
And im worried about burger (see *burger blog*)
But that’s really it for just now
I gotta fly because T is trying to sleep and im being loud and full of light :L
Xx<3xX
Saturday, 11 October 2008
jack-obs house :)
well i had funsies last night :D
first time EVER dad let me out in forres :D
and i had good fun, was chilling at jacks during the day and then he was having a party so we stayed for a bit of it. i met a bunch of people and re-met a bunch of other people i havent seen in years... :D:D
but yeah the guys were cute :)
shame none of them like me and they all liked t-monster or had a girlfriend :(
t-monster's lad was actually adorable and i will admitt that i fancy him but he likes t-monster :(:( they are adorable together though :D
well yeah
meet boy - partay - drink - home- sleep
that was t-mosters friday night...
mine went abit like
hang out at jacks - got to tescos - partay - sober t-monster up- home - sleep
:L
but what can you do likes.. .
gotta fly
pip pip
mwah mwah
xxxx
first time EVER dad let me out in forres :D
and i had good fun, was chilling at jacks during the day and then he was having a party so we stayed for a bit of it. i met a bunch of people and re-met a bunch of other people i havent seen in years... :D:D
but yeah the guys were cute :)
shame none of them like me and they all liked t-monster or had a girlfriend :(
t-monster's lad was actually adorable and i will admitt that i fancy him but he likes t-monster :(:( they are adorable together though :D
well yeah
meet boy - partay - drink - home- sleep
that was t-mosters friday night...
mine went abit like
hang out at jacks - got to tescos - partay - sober t-monster up- home - sleep
:L
but what can you do likes.. .
gotta fly
pip pip
mwah mwah
xxxx
Wednesday, 8 October 2008
oh yeah a side note likes..
yeah i forgot to say in all that doom and gloom....
He was amazing. it made me cry listening to it... yep there i go again being all pathetic and stupid likes!!!
but yeah i loved it, hes talented much.
another few song that remind me of him...
Iris: goo goo dolls.
Your call: secondhand serenade
one of these days i'll put up the lyrics to all the songs too,... maybe it'll help me undersatnd..
x
He was amazing. it made me cry listening to it... yep there i go again being all pathetic and stupid likes!!!
but yeah i loved it, hes talented much.
another few song that remind me of him...
Iris: goo goo dolls.
Your call: secondhand serenade
one of these days i'll put up the lyrics to all the songs too,... maybe it'll help me undersatnd..
x
the talent show
Talent shows suck!
nothing happened.. he didn't even say goodbye :(
but i'll be fine.
Ok its pathetic i know but i really wanted him to just look me in the eye and realise he's made a huge mistake and say that that girl means nothing and he wants me.. however it was not the case. but as i know life goes on and you just have to make the best of it....
im more worried about t-monster,
she's had an argument with her dad and she's running away. Tomorrow morning.
I don't know exactly what it was about, something about how she hasn't got a job and that, but anyhoo yeah she's coming to mine tomorrow, getting the 7am bus and traveling all the way up. I don't want her to get into trouble, but im not going to say no to her coming because i think she does just need her space for a wee while.... :S i dunno AHHH!!
Its spreading.. i thought it wasn't cancer but what can it be if its spreading... worried muchly... i can't believe it, i don't know what to do... i want it to be better :(
so a bit of a suckish day really.... :(
hopefully tomorrow will be better
xx
nothing happened.. he didn't even say goodbye :(
but i'll be fine.
Ok its pathetic i know but i really wanted him to just look me in the eye and realise he's made a huge mistake and say that that girl means nothing and he wants me.. however it was not the case. but as i know life goes on and you just have to make the best of it....
im more worried about t-monster,
she's had an argument with her dad and she's running away. Tomorrow morning.
I don't know exactly what it was about, something about how she hasn't got a job and that, but anyhoo yeah she's coming to mine tomorrow, getting the 7am bus and traveling all the way up. I don't want her to get into trouble, but im not going to say no to her coming because i think she does just need her space for a wee while.... :S i dunno AHHH!!
Its spreading.. i thought it wasn't cancer but what can it be if its spreading... worried muchly... i can't believe it, i don't know what to do... i want it to be better :(
so a bit of a suckish day really.... :(
hopefully tomorrow will be better
xx
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
hmmm
yeah i know you're gonna read this but i really couldn't care less atm
ive been talking to him and its like i dunno i can't understand him and how his mind works at all.. it bugs me and i usually know vaguly what people are think (well most, i never know what ting, or boyage are thinking but thats different because with boyage its usually something sexually revolved and ting i dunno he'll just be thinking somehting hes too nice to say.. he does that) but yeah and i want to know whats going on but its strange because once i hear one little thing i want to know the whole story..
and i cant believe it went that far. he should talk to someone. i dunno who. i want to be the person to make him happy. i don't know if i ever will be though.
the songs that make me think of him
emotionless - good charlotte
what about now - Daughtry
Running away - midnight hour
three of many likes...
i'm fking obsessed!! AHHHHH i should just let go and forget, and it would all be so much easier and less complicated..
i want the talent show to go well
i want him to look at me and realise he made a mistake
i want to hear his music
i want to understand
i want alot of things though and just because i want them doesnt mean their gonna happen.
:(
i want to be happy...
it isnt really his fault though, its like i should have known something like this was gonna happen, i dont seem to have happy ever afters
gotta fly
xxx
ive been talking to him and its like i dunno i can't understand him and how his mind works at all.. it bugs me and i usually know vaguly what people are think (well most, i never know what ting, or boyage are thinking but thats different because with boyage its usually something sexually revolved and ting i dunno he'll just be thinking somehting hes too nice to say.. he does that) but yeah and i want to know whats going on but its strange because once i hear one little thing i want to know the whole story..
and i cant believe it went that far. he should talk to someone. i dunno who. i want to be the person to make him happy. i don't know if i ever will be though.
the songs that make me think of him
emotionless - good charlotte
what about now - Daughtry
Running away - midnight hour
three of many likes...
i'm fking obsessed!! AHHHHH i should just let go and forget, and it would all be so much easier and less complicated..
i want the talent show to go well
i want him to look at me and realise he made a mistake
i want to hear his music
i want to understand
i want alot of things though and just because i want them doesnt mean their gonna happen.
:(
i want to be happy...
it isnt really his fault though, its like i should have known something like this was gonna happen, i dont seem to have happy ever afters
gotta fly
xxx
what up peoples?
heya guys
how are you all??
i'm back in Eastgrange XD
lol
i'm going to the talent show tomorrow at the caddy, should be good crac.
get to see some loverly people.
i dunno whats gonna happen though :S
hey ho what can you do?
xx
<3
how are you all??
i'm back in Eastgrange XD
lol
i'm going to the talent show tomorrow at the caddy, should be good crac.
get to see some loverly people.
i dunno whats gonna happen though :S
hey ho what can you do?
xx
<3
Monday, 6 October 2008
msning
well i was on la msn with some of my mateys and we were being all deep and meaningful so thought i'd put it up:
22:23) Barry: go for it
(22:23) Barry: and brutal honesty
(22:23) Emily.B: okay..
(22:23) Emily.B: ummmm
(22:23) Emily.B: 2 seconds. let me compose my thoughts into a readable form
(22:24) Barry: kk
(22:30) Emily.B: umm i think that your really self conscious and you care a hell of a lot about what people think about you. you dont want to hurt people or yourself but it kinda happens quite alot, you blame yourself for stuff that you cant fix but you think you should, you dont do it consciously but you blame your dad for things im not sure what but you do, but you're really strong because you can go into something dark, think your trapped and get out
(22:30) Emily.B: and umm im not really sure
(22:30) Emily.B: im rambling now
(22:30) Barry: anything else? cause what youg ot is very accurate
(22:31) Emily.B: really?
(22:31) Barry: yup very accurate
=======================================================
(22:03) Emily.B: well i think that im like who i am because of dad, because he always expects me to be better at things than i am and always throws me in the deep end. i get my committment from that aswell because im always expected to give up everything for what i do
(22:04) Emily.B: and so i do my best to please poeple that i care about, and the people that i dont because i want everyone to like me...
(22:04) Emily.B: and that goes back to primary school when i was picked on to death
(22:04) Emily.B: and then i moved to crieff and i was uber confident
(22:04) Andrew (One 3rd: uber confident? inwardly or outwardly?
(22:05) Emily.B: because i didnt want anyone to think i was a dorrmat and that i could be taken advantage of
(22:05) Emily.B: umm most definatly outwardly than inwardly
(22:05) Emily.B: i've learn over the years how to put on a good show
(22:05) Andrew (One 3rd: i know
(22:05) Emily.B: im a true actress at heart
(22:06) Andrew (One 3rd: yeah but v few ppl can actually hide things and how they feel when under scutiny and only keep things under wraps cause other ppl dont look deep enough
(22:06) Andrew (One 3rd: when you crack though you seem to take it q badly tho
(22:07) Andrew (One 3rd: like its outpouring
(22:07) Emily.B: yeah.
(22:07) Emily.B: happened really badly in the summer... that wasnt fun
(22:09) Andrew (One 3rd: how come?
(22:11) Emily.B: i dunno thats the thing, it was stupid little things, it seemed like everyone was getting at me, and i ttally cracked under what is known as "stress" apparently i was just conviced i was gonna do something wrong and dad was gonna kill me and then with Dean screwing me over big time adn connor going off on one and just general stuff like that i took it all quite badly which dragged up stuff about tom for some reason and then i got really upset in general about pretty mcuh everything
(22:11) Emily.B: and i spend 2 sshifts in the space of a week in the toliets crying because of some stupid little comment dad/paul said
(22:11) Emily.B: oh and allan saying he was gonna walk out every other day didnt help
(22:14) Emily.B: so yeah the nervous breakdowns of summer were fun
(22:14) Andrew (One 3rd: if you dont mind me asking how do you think Toms death affected you as a person?
(22:15) Emily.B: you're sooooooooooo practising being a shrink (btwe i so think you should do that)
(22:15) Andrew (One 3rd: i like helping ppl and ppl are interesting so its all good
(22:15) Andrew (One 3rd:
(22:16) Emily.B: but yea
(22:16) Emily.B: umm
(22:16) Andrew (One 3rd: ive never known anyone thats died so its interesting, i know that sounds a bit cold to use the word ''interesting'' but hey
(22:17) Emily.B: no i get it
(22:17) Emily.B: im not "over" it as such but im much better at talking about it than a lot of people in my year
(22:17) Emily.B: i got him apresent form blackool
(22:17) Emily.B: *blackpool
(22:18) Emily.B: its downstairs
(22:18) Emily.B: a black wooden rose for his grave
(22:18) Emily.B: ive been looking for one for agges
(22:19) Emily.B: but anyhoo
(22:19) Emily.B: as a person
(22:19) Emily.B: its caused me to do a hell of a lot more than i wouldve before, becasue its like you never know whats gonna happen
(22:20) Emily.B: the thing with barry probs wouldnt have happened if tom hadn't have died
(22:20) Emily.B: sounds strange but its true
(22:21) Emily.B: and ive learnt that everyone is affected by these things if they think they will or not
(22:22) Emily.B: and it bring people closer
(22:24) Emily.B: i dunno i think its affected me subconiously but im not sure
(22:24) Emily.B: what with it being subconious and all
(22:24) Emily.B: it made music mean more to me
(22:24) Emily.B: i dont know why but it has
(22:25) Emily.B: i cry at stuff alot easier since then
(22:26) Andrew (One 3rd: musically, did tonnes of lyrics in songs make more sense and then in every song you'd hear a lyric which would remind you?>
(22:27) Emily.B: not every song remind me of him
(22:27) Andrew (One 3rd: but a lot more
(22:27) Emily.B: its weird because like there are certain guitar parts and bass lines that remind me of him
(22:28) Emily.B: but lyrics make mucho more sense and stuff and thinks remind me of other thinks
(22:28) Emily.B: like i have a list that remind me of barry and some that reminf me of certain mates a
(22:28) Emily.B: and all that kinda think
(22:28) Emily.B: that and guys that screw me over... .
(22:28) Emily.B: hmmm
(22:28) Emily.B: grrr
(22:30) Emily.B: but yeah music makes sense
(22:30) Emily.B: it made me write shedloads more
(22:30) Andrew (One 3rd: guys screw you over?
(22:30) Emily.B: quite often
(22:31) Andrew (One 3rd: why'd you think? after you said earlier you dont want to seen as a pushover yet you think guys screw you over a lot?
(22:34) Emily.B: i think because i usually go into that kind of relationship knowing that it will end soon and i try not to take it seriously but then i fall for the guy but most of the realtionships ive had havent been offical so they usually goa dn get a girlfriend and ditch me and dont speak to me and expect me to fine with it and then when they break up with wahtever girl it is that week they expect me to be there waiting and because im such a stupid whore i go back to them and let them and the cycle repeats...
(22:34) Emily.B: everytime i promise myself it wont happen again but it always does
(22:36) Emily.B: thats why i was so excited about barry because he was different i could tell, that and he didnt try to shag me as soon as he met me. and in my head it was perfect, i knew it wasnt, but i persuaded myself it was and then as usual something happened and it all ended, but he at least told me, which is a step up on some people
(22:38) Emily.B: but yeah...
(22:38) Emily.B:
(22:40) Emily.B has changed his/her personal message to "Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~Victor Hugo"
(22:41) Emily.B: meh
(22:42) Andrew (One 3rd: did you think at the start that you and Barry would last or wer you just trying to convinve yourself that?
(22:43) Emily.B: at the very start, (like the beginning of the weekend) i thought it woudl jsut be another stupid fling for a weekend
(22:43) Emily.B: but then when i got SO excited and SO nervous about seeing him at the law gig i thought it would last, i would make it work
(22:45) Emily.B: so i guess convince myself
===============================================================================
there you go an insight to my mind again :L
xxx
22:23) Barry: go for it
(22:23) Barry: and brutal honesty
(22:23) Emily.B: okay..
(22:23) Emily.B: ummmm
(22:23) Emily.B: 2 seconds. let me compose my thoughts into a readable form
(22:24) Barry: kk
(22:30) Emily.B: umm i think that your really self conscious and you care a hell of a lot about what people think about you. you dont want to hurt people or yourself but it kinda happens quite alot, you blame yourself for stuff that you cant fix but you think you should, you dont do it consciously but you blame your dad for things im not sure what but you do, but you're really strong because you can go into something dark, think your trapped and get out
(22:30) Emily.B: and umm im not really sure
(22:30) Emily.B: im rambling now
(22:30) Barry: anything else? cause what youg ot is very accurate
(22:31) Emily.B: really?
(22:31) Barry: yup very accurate
=======================================================
(22:03) Emily.B: well i think that im like who i am because of dad, because he always expects me to be better at things than i am and always throws me in the deep end. i get my committment from that aswell because im always expected to give up everything for what i do
(22:04) Emily.B: and so i do my best to please poeple that i care about, and the people that i dont because i want everyone to like me...
(22:04) Emily.B: and that goes back to primary school when i was picked on to death
(22:04) Emily.B: and then i moved to crieff and i was uber confident
(22:04) Andrew (One 3rd: uber confident? inwardly or outwardly?
(22:05) Emily.B: because i didnt want anyone to think i was a dorrmat and that i could be taken advantage of
(22:05) Emily.B: umm most definatly outwardly than inwardly
(22:05) Emily.B: i've learn over the years how to put on a good show
(22:05) Andrew (One 3rd: i know
(22:05) Emily.B: im a true actress at heart
(22:06) Andrew (One 3rd: yeah but v few ppl can actually hide things and how they feel when under scutiny and only keep things under wraps cause other ppl dont look deep enough
(22:06) Andrew (One 3rd: when you crack though you seem to take it q badly tho
(22:07) Andrew (One 3rd: like its outpouring
(22:07) Emily.B: yeah.
(22:07) Emily.B: happened really badly in the summer... that wasnt fun
(22:09) Andrew (One 3rd: how come?
(22:11) Emily.B: i dunno thats the thing, it was stupid little things, it seemed like everyone was getting at me, and i ttally cracked under what is known as "stress" apparently i was just conviced i was gonna do something wrong and dad was gonna kill me and then with Dean screwing me over big time adn connor going off on one and just general stuff like that i took it all quite badly which dragged up stuff about tom for some reason and then i got really upset in general about pretty mcuh everything
(22:11) Emily.B: and i spend 2 sshifts in the space of a week in the toliets crying because of some stupid little comment dad/paul said
(22:11) Emily.B: oh and allan saying he was gonna walk out every other day didnt help
(22:14) Emily.B: so yeah the nervous breakdowns of summer were fun
(22:14) Andrew (One 3rd: if you dont mind me asking how do you think Toms death affected you as a person?
(22:15) Emily.B: you're sooooooooooo practising being a shrink (btwe i so think you should do that)
(22:15) Andrew (One 3rd: i like helping ppl and ppl are interesting so its all good
(22:15) Andrew (One 3rd:
(22:16) Emily.B: but yea
(22:16) Emily.B: umm
(22:16) Andrew (One 3rd: ive never known anyone thats died so its interesting, i know that sounds a bit cold to use the word ''interesting'' but hey
(22:17) Emily.B: no i get it
(22:17) Emily.B: im not "over" it as such but im much better at talking about it than a lot of people in my year
(22:17) Emily.B: i got him apresent form blackool
(22:17) Emily.B: *blackpool
(22:18) Emily.B: its downstairs
(22:18) Emily.B: a black wooden rose for his grave
(22:18) Emily.B: ive been looking for one for agges
(22:19) Emily.B: but anyhoo
(22:19) Emily.B: as a person
(22:19) Emily.B: its caused me to do a hell of a lot more than i wouldve before, becasue its like you never know whats gonna happen
(22:20) Emily.B: the thing with barry probs wouldnt have happened if tom hadn't have died
(22:20) Emily.B: sounds strange but its true
(22:21) Emily.B: and ive learnt that everyone is affected by these things if they think they will or not
(22:22) Emily.B: and it bring people closer
(22:24) Emily.B: i dunno i think its affected me subconiously but im not sure
(22:24) Emily.B: what with it being subconious and all
(22:24) Emily.B: it made music mean more to me
(22:24) Emily.B: i dont know why but it has
(22:25) Emily.B: i cry at stuff alot easier since then
(22:26) Andrew (One 3rd: musically, did tonnes of lyrics in songs make more sense and then in every song you'd hear a lyric which would remind you?>
(22:27) Emily.B: not every song remind me of him
(22:27) Andrew (One 3rd: but a lot more
(22:27) Emily.B: its weird because like there are certain guitar parts and bass lines that remind me of him
(22:28) Emily.B: but lyrics make mucho more sense and stuff and thinks remind me of other thinks
(22:28) Emily.B: like i have a list that remind me of barry and some that reminf me of certain mates a
(22:28) Emily.B: and all that kinda think
(22:28) Emily.B: that and guys that screw me over... .
(22:28) Emily.B: hmmm
(22:28) Emily.B: grrr
(22:30) Emily.B: but yeah music makes sense
(22:30) Emily.B: it made me write shedloads more
(22:30) Andrew (One 3rd: guys screw you over?
(22:30) Emily.B: quite often
(22:31) Andrew (One 3rd: why'd you think? after you said earlier you dont want to seen as a pushover yet you think guys screw you over a lot?
(22:34) Emily.B: i think because i usually go into that kind of relationship knowing that it will end soon and i try not to take it seriously but then i fall for the guy but most of the realtionships ive had havent been offical so they usually goa dn get a girlfriend and ditch me and dont speak to me and expect me to fine with it and then when they break up with wahtever girl it is that week they expect me to be there waiting and because im such a stupid whore i go back to them and let them and the cycle repeats...
(22:34) Emily.B: everytime i promise myself it wont happen again but it always does
(22:36) Emily.B: thats why i was so excited about barry because he was different i could tell, that and he didnt try to shag me as soon as he met me. and in my head it was perfect, i knew it wasnt, but i persuaded myself it was and then as usual something happened and it all ended, but he at least told me, which is a step up on some people
(22:38) Emily.B: but yeah...
(22:38) Emily.B:
(22:40) Emily.B has changed his/her personal message to "Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~Victor Hugo"
(22:41) Emily.B: meh
(22:42) Andrew (One 3rd: did you think at the start that you and Barry would last or wer you just trying to convinve yourself that?
(22:43) Emily.B: at the very start, (like the beginning of the weekend) i thought it woudl jsut be another stupid fling for a weekend
(22:43) Emily.B: but then when i got SO excited and SO nervous about seeing him at the law gig i thought it would last, i would make it work
(22:45) Emily.B: so i guess convince myself
===============================================================================
there you go an insight to my mind again :L
xxx
Sunday, 28 September 2008
(8) we were all in love and we all got hurt... (8)
heya
you know the last week or so, pretty much scrap it, i feel like shit.
Me and thee poser are no more, fine there i said it, happy now.
Well when i got the text i was standing outside of the changing rooms in Zara in stirling with Effy, kinda wrecked my day if i'm honest, i cried, which sucked, i really hate cryig (i know unbelievable ain't it considering how much i do it :S)
but yeah.. ive been told to write this and now that im actually sitting down to do it i don't know what to say.
i guess i should be brutally honest. i guess, i really dont want to because i realy dont want to hurt him, stupid i know as he hurt me. but still i dont like knowing that im hurting someone its not cool,
but yeah ok this is what i think
i think he should get over that girl, because i dont know how long this has been going on but by the sounds of it too long.
ok said it happy now?
that sting... yeah thought so
but yeha getting dumped stings as it is, i was really looking forward to seeing him too and then im now not sure if im going to go to the talent show or not beacuse its like what the point, he obv doesnt want me to be there.. . :(
but yeah i would sit and rant for aggers but im not ging to because the siblings keep coming and annoying me and they will probably read this over my shoulder... again not cool
but yeah if you really want the truth, i feel like i've been stupid and ive just been screwed over by another one of those guys, but this time it hurts more because i didnt think it was going to happen....
x
M
you know the last week or so, pretty much scrap it, i feel like shit.
Me and thee poser are no more, fine there i said it, happy now.
Well when i got the text i was standing outside of the changing rooms in Zara in stirling with Effy, kinda wrecked my day if i'm honest, i cried, which sucked, i really hate cryig (i know unbelievable ain't it considering how much i do it :S)
but yeah.. ive been told to write this and now that im actually sitting down to do it i don't know what to say.
i guess i should be brutally honest. i guess, i really dont want to because i realy dont want to hurt him, stupid i know as he hurt me. but still i dont like knowing that im hurting someone its not cool,
but yeah ok this is what i think
i think he should get over that girl, because i dont know how long this has been going on but by the sounds of it too long.
ok said it happy now?
that sting... yeah thought so
but yeha getting dumped stings as it is, i was really looking forward to seeing him too and then im now not sure if im going to go to the talent show or not beacuse its like what the point, he obv doesnt want me to be there.. . :(
but yeah i would sit and rant for aggers but im not ging to because the siblings keep coming and annoying me and they will probably read this over my shoulder... again not cool
but yeah if you really want the truth, i feel like i've been stupid and ive just been screwed over by another one of those guys, but this time it hurts more because i didnt think it was going to happen....
x
M
Saturday, 27 September 2008
meh
heya everyone,
im uber tired and really can't be bothered but im being kept up so i thought i might as well write something.
Well i know that 2 of the people i know that read this are currently in bed. Burger is in her cosy and warm burger bes and the poser... well apparently hes in bed with ash and andrew atm, i dont know who ash is but oh well :L:L
their all drunk and in bed... what are friday nights for i guess :P
but yeah i have nothing really to say, school was pish, had to play single sex football against 2nd years and it was pish!! not that i have anything against 2nd years, but 1) i could crush them, 2) i don't like it when a teacher takes us out of a perfectly good full pitch game with mixed teams, just to raise the confidence of the bloody 2nd years! not impressed!
ayyyeee well im away now, ive jsut been informed that thee poser is totally out of it and so cannot talk to me just now. lovely... i will be mocking him for a while now. the sensible boy who doesnt get drunk... thats that image ruined :P:P
laters
M
xx
im uber tired and really can't be bothered but im being kept up so i thought i might as well write something.
Well i know that 2 of the people i know that read this are currently in bed. Burger is in her cosy and warm burger bes and the poser... well apparently hes in bed with ash and andrew atm, i dont know who ash is but oh well :L:L
their all drunk and in bed... what are friday nights for i guess :P
but yeah i have nothing really to say, school was pish, had to play single sex football against 2nd years and it was pish!! not that i have anything against 2nd years, but 1) i could crush them, 2) i don't like it when a teacher takes us out of a perfectly good full pitch game with mixed teams, just to raise the confidence of the bloody 2nd years! not impressed!
ayyyeee well im away now, ive jsut been informed that thee poser is totally out of it and so cannot talk to me just now. lovely... i will be mocking him for a while now. the sensible boy who doesnt get drunk... thats that image ruined :P:P
laters
M
xx
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
23rd sept 08
So my day today, started off not too bad, had assembly and the horrible people tried to make us sign up for the Chile trip.. I signed up last time but there was no way I was getting that much money together that quickly. I worked out that I had to give up school and get a full time job to pay for it and then I wouldn’t be able to go cause I wasn’t part of the school, that and I would NEVER be able to quit school. Anyhoo that was assembly oh yeah and the German exchange people arrived last night and so there is a ceildh on Thursday.. If its half as good as the French one it will be awesome fun XD
Good bant
So first period I had maths which was kinda uninteresting we played games the whole of the lesson to decide who was going to go to this enterprising maths day thing through in perth… I will tell you now I’m not going I lost all my games… oh well its only a day off school to piss about and be geeky.
Um second period was a bit more eventful, I had PE and it was trampolining and I nearly died!!! Ok maybe a slight exaggeration. I was doing a backdrop and I landed wrong and did something to my back and it hurts to hell!!! Apparently according to my teacher I’ve done something to the back of my ribs. But apart from being in great pain, I really don’t like my PE class its like there are a bunch of what would be called “popular girls” and then there are a bunch of really sound but totally “we’re too cool” guys. And I’m better at trampolining than the girls because they just scream and run away from the trampoline but I’m not as good as the boys and its bloody difficult to earn their respect, cause as much as they’re all like “boys and girls are just as capable” I can tell they still think guys are better. And yes the guys in this class are natural athletes and that but its like when I try and do anything they laugh at me and take the piss, and its like I need to be bloody amazing to gain some respect off them and even then I don’t think I would get it…. AHH! Its just so frustrating!!
The rest of the day wasn’t very eventful, the girlies had rehearsals for talent show at lunch and Moi et Tilly went along to help and they’re really good. I was concerned because they’re doing hallelujah by Paramore and it’s a bloody difficult song to sing but Meghan’s amazing!!
I think it will get there but they need to do some serious practise.
Well aye that and I wasn’t allowed on the computer. .. Hence why this blog is posted later than it was written… sorry..
Much love
M
xx
Good bant
So first period I had maths which was kinda uninteresting we played games the whole of the lesson to decide who was going to go to this enterprising maths day thing through in perth… I will tell you now I’m not going I lost all my games… oh well its only a day off school to piss about and be geeky.
Um second period was a bit more eventful, I had PE and it was trampolining and I nearly died!!! Ok maybe a slight exaggeration. I was doing a backdrop and I landed wrong and did something to my back and it hurts to hell!!! Apparently according to my teacher I’ve done something to the back of my ribs. But apart from being in great pain, I really don’t like my PE class its like there are a bunch of what would be called “popular girls” and then there are a bunch of really sound but totally “we’re too cool” guys. And I’m better at trampolining than the girls because they just scream and run away from the trampoline but I’m not as good as the boys and its bloody difficult to earn their respect, cause as much as they’re all like “boys and girls are just as capable” I can tell they still think guys are better. And yes the guys in this class are natural athletes and that but its like when I try and do anything they laugh at me and take the piss, and its like I need to be bloody amazing to gain some respect off them and even then I don’t think I would get it…. AHH! Its just so frustrating!!
The rest of the day wasn’t very eventful, the girlies had rehearsals for talent show at lunch and Moi et Tilly went along to help and they’re really good. I was concerned because they’re doing hallelujah by Paramore and it’s a bloody difficult song to sing but Meghan’s amazing!!
I think it will get there but they need to do some serious practise.
Well aye that and I wasn’t allowed on the computer. .. Hence why this blog is posted later than it was written… sorry..
Much love
M
xx
22nd september
Moving on…
I’ve decided I need to leave the past behind me and just go for the future. I need to stop giving a damn about what people think like (ok I know I do not do names but screw that) Laura, Peigi and Lucy. It’s like for Christ sake why do I need your approval to do something you don’t rule me. So yeah I’m going to live by new motto. Live for the moment, forget the past and don’t think about the future..
This obv has to have levels to follow it by, I’m not going to forget everything that has happened in the past, I’m gonna learn from the experiences that I have but I’m not going to let them affect decisions I know I should make.
Every time we touch - Cascada
One of the songs that got me into dance beats, it taught me that what the artists are making isn’t just the mindless thumping of a bass it has words and meanings behind it just like any other good song I listen to.
It reminds my of him <3
How I feel when I look at him
How I feel when he hugs me
How I feel when he kisses me
I don’t want to leave him
But I have to just after I see him .
Next time I see him it will be the talent show
He’s gonna be amazing
Playing that song
He better not screw it up
If he screws it up I’m going to hurt him
Because that song like so many others
Makes me cry and it take special pieces of music to do that
They need to have special memories attached to them
I wish he’s tell me what’s going on in his head
Its like I know somethings up
But I don’t know what it is.
Not cool
Oh well I need to sleep or I will collaspe
Xxx
I’ve decided I need to leave the past behind me and just go for the future. I need to stop giving a damn about what people think like (ok I know I do not do names but screw that) Laura, Peigi and Lucy. It’s like for Christ sake why do I need your approval to do something you don’t rule me. So yeah I’m going to live by new motto. Live for the moment, forget the past and don’t think about the future..
This obv has to have levels to follow it by, I’m not going to forget everything that has happened in the past, I’m gonna learn from the experiences that I have but I’m not going to let them affect decisions I know I should make.
Every time we touch - Cascada
One of the songs that got me into dance beats, it taught me that what the artists are making isn’t just the mindless thumping of a bass it has words and meanings behind it just like any other good song I listen to.
It reminds my of him <3
How I feel when I look at him
How I feel when he hugs me
How I feel when he kisses me
I don’t want to leave him
But I have to just after I see him .
Next time I see him it will be the talent show
He’s gonna be amazing
Playing that song
He better not screw it up
If he screws it up I’m going to hurt him
Because that song like so many others
Makes me cry and it take special pieces of music to do that
They need to have special memories attached to them
I wish he’s tell me what’s going on in his head
Its like I know somethings up
But I don’t know what it is.
Not cool
Oh well I need to sleep or I will collaspe
Xxx
Monday, 22 September 2008
oh yeah, just a thought
just a thought. The hairy one says that the poser keeps scaring everyone at school with all this new "positive attitude" stuff. That makes me smile :)
Rawr... for him <3
well as you said you liked reading it so much i thought i'd write one specially for you, i know the past few kinda have been already but thats kinda irrelevant!!
yeah so what can i say
in one REALLY long (well it felt it) week you managed to make me pretty much fall for you.
crazy isn't it
i know i shouldn't have you a
i don't DESERVE to have you
but its nice to know your there all the same :D:D
but ayyyee you said you wanted some of my lyrics well i guess you can have some,
heres a song i wrote when i decided that i was thinking to much about what had happened
]
yeah so what can i say
in one REALLY long (well it felt it) week you managed to make me pretty much fall for you.
crazy isn't it
i know i shouldn't have you a
i don't DESERVE to have you
but its nice to know your there all the same :D:D
but ayyyee you said you wanted some of my lyrics well i guess you can have some,
heres a song i wrote when i decided that i was thinking to much about what had happened
]
Everything just passes me by
As I sit here and cry
And as the tears they fall
Rolling down my cheeks
And no one knows
How I feel tonight
But me
My life will just fly by
If I don’t stop and look around
Every now and then
My world comes to a sudden stop
And everything just falls apart
And I really don’t know where to start
To put it all back together again
Yet I make it through
Every single day
I make it through
Just a little bit at a time
And all I need is to see you smile
And it brightens up my day and
Makes all the bad stuff
Well it just floats away
Just floats away
anyway yeah thats one song, and another one would be
I look into the night sky
And I gaze up at that satr
I look into the night sky
And I wonder just how far
I look into the night sky
And I know which star is yours
It shines so bright
Magnifencent light
High up above this world
I look into the night sky
And I wish I was up there
I look into the night sky
And suddenly I’m scared
But I’m stuck here with people that are laughing and joking
But I know
Whats underneath their smiles
‘cause their crying on the inside
unable to let it out
crying on the inside
uncomplete and full of doubt
crying on the inside
they don’t know which start is theirs
and I’m crying on the outside
now your not there.
yeah thats a song i made from a poem ...
i have one more that i wrote when tom died but i dont have it on this computer and i don't want to type it all up
well one more of the old stuff that is demi semi decent (like a demi semi quaver)
i have some new stuff but thats all working progress sorry ;)
ayyyee thats all now
:P
much love
m
xx
Sunday, 21 September 2008
hmmm, im digressing...
well im supposed to be writing a music essay but i cannot concentrate at all its like why do i care about ska... ok i care hughly about ska music but not at the moment!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!!
miss him <......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................>
this much
well gotta go and try and do more homework
grr
xxxx
AHHHHHHHHHH!!
miss him <......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................>
this much
well gotta go and try and do more homework
grr
xxxx
again..
well thats me home now with cup of hot oj in hand...
2:15am not so bad doing is it... :L
its just something in my mind is nagging at me and i dont know what it is... :S
burger text me today when i was with the poser... her text im guessing is a response to one of my earlier blogs...
the text goes something like this..
"Theres so much death and pain. We always miss what has and gone, at times spend our what seems like life time missing or in pain". gives me hope the way you always find a smile, you never ask whats up when cant hold back the tears. love you so much be-atch! i can now honestly say that if this thing turns out to be conver, i wont be scared because i know your close and that you wont let me fall. Stuff the bad guys milli, you never deserved their hurt, you never cause hurt. ya finally got the guy you deserve, the good one <3>
it made me cry, i was so glas we were in the cowshed and it was dark so poser couldnt see me crying.. i dont want all the times we're together for me to end up crying so far its been two of two which isn't so good...
hmmmm
well i should really go to sleep its half past two soon
love to those you need it
xxx<3xxx
2:15am not so bad doing is it... :L
its just something in my mind is nagging at me and i dont know what it is... :S
burger text me today when i was with the poser... her text im guessing is a response to one of my earlier blogs...
the text goes something like this..
"Theres so much death and pain. We always miss what has and gone, at times spend our what seems like life time missing or in pain". gives me hope the way you always find a smile, you never ask whats up when cant hold back the tears. love you so much be-atch! i can now honestly say that if this thing turns out to be conver, i wont be scared because i know your close and that you wont let me fall. Stuff the bad guys milli, you never deserved their hurt, you never cause hurt. ya finally got the guy you deserve, the good one <3>
it made me cry, i was so glas we were in the cowshed and it was dark so poser couldnt see me crying.. i dont want all the times we're together for me to end up crying so far its been two of two which isn't so good...
hmmmm
well i should really go to sleep its half past two soon
love to those you need it
xxx<3xxx
Tonight....
I'm still at work.. i got off about an hour ago but the buzz is electric and i dont think that if i went to bed i would be able to sleep so i'm just staying here... its easier.
i saw him.
it was amazing.
My dad made my life incredibly difficult though as he wouldnt give me time off to go spend some time with him, not that dad knew thats what i wanted mind.
it was funny because like we were just standing there and i didnt want to let him go.
i had to of course but it was hard, and it took at least 3 attempts.
but oh dads coming got to go
it was a great night though, through the tears =]
xxxx
i saw him.
it was amazing.
My dad made my life incredibly difficult though as he wouldnt give me time off to go spend some time with him, not that dad knew thats what i wanted mind.
it was funny because like we were just standing there and i didnt want to let him go.
i had to of course but it was hard, and it took at least 3 attempts.
but oh dads coming got to go
it was a great night though, through the tears =]
xxxx
Saturday, 20 September 2008
FINSIHED
i've finished my english talk now i just have to get dad to read and approve it.... dont want him tooo... lol
its 10 past five, yay! i have work in 20 minutes i think i will take a break for a wee while before i have to go and work...
meh
xxx
its 10 past five, yay! i have work in 20 minutes i think i will take a break for a wee while before i have to go and work...
meh
xxx
what up people ?
heya
well im supposed to be writing an english talk but tbh i really cant be bothered and i cant concentrate so does it really matter?!?!?
anyhoo i can't believe its only 3 o clock!! (ok now its 4) thats agggggges until i get to see the poser (i am now in a strop!) so what im talking to him on msn.... irrelevent if i do say so myself!!
hes on probation. he probably already know but the likely hood of me not letting him kiss me when im not gonna see him again for a minimum of 2 weeks is incredibly unlikely... but its a fun game to play.. make him work for it if you know what i mean ;)... i really like him... i like really like him.. but dont want to like to push it because as much as he says it i still dont believe that he really likes me as much as i like him... that and i really dont want him to think im obsessive or anything because its like yeah i do think about him all the time but im not obsessed... am i?
oh shit now im being all self doubting..
i still dont think im good enough, he seems so lovely and why would i deserve lovely, i dont think i do .... bad guys that hurt me seems more apt because i hurt people and i don't like to think that i do but still i do it... not fair is it but life isnt so you just have to get on with it... i'll be writing when i get in tonight about what all went down. I can't believe dad put me on the stovie thing, which means i'm like stuck there all night. i haven't said that to Poser yet because i dont want to... if you know what i mean. because there is a chance i might get to go earlier or do a bit and then get off for a while and then go back but you never know so i just dont want to say anything..
well i better go. i need to write an english talk on Bootstock.. which should be fun.. i dont know what to say about it. oh well what can you do likes.. dad wants me to make it all like funny and stuff and im like its an english talk i dont want to do that. so im just going to stick with what ive got so that it works.
well
TTFN
(lol i love using abv its awesome)
xxxx
well im supposed to be writing an english talk but tbh i really cant be bothered and i cant concentrate so does it really matter?!?!?
anyhoo i can't believe its only 3 o clock!! (ok now its 4) thats agggggges until i get to see the poser (i am now in a strop!) so what im talking to him on msn.... irrelevent if i do say so myself!!
hes on probation. he probably already know but the likely hood of me not letting him kiss me when im not gonna see him again for a minimum of 2 weeks is incredibly unlikely... but its a fun game to play.. make him work for it if you know what i mean ;)... i really like him... i like really like him.. but dont want to like to push it because as much as he says it i still dont believe that he really likes me as much as i like him... that and i really dont want him to think im obsessive or anything because its like yeah i do think about him all the time but im not obsessed... am i?
oh shit now im being all self doubting..
i still dont think im good enough, he seems so lovely and why would i deserve lovely, i dont think i do .... bad guys that hurt me seems more apt because i hurt people and i don't like to think that i do but still i do it... not fair is it but life isnt so you just have to get on with it... i'll be writing when i get in tonight about what all went down. I can't believe dad put me on the stovie thing, which means i'm like stuck there all night. i haven't said that to Poser yet because i dont want to... if you know what i mean. because there is a chance i might get to go earlier or do a bit and then get off for a while and then go back but you never know so i just dont want to say anything..
well i better go. i need to write an english talk on Bootstock.. which should be fun.. i dont know what to say about it. oh well what can you do likes.. dad wants me to make it all like funny and stuff and im like its an english talk i dont want to do that. so im just going to stick with what ive got so that it works.
well
TTFN
(lol i love using abv its awesome)
xxxx
Friday, 19 September 2008
19th sept 08
Heya.
Well I’m on the train at the moment so won’t be able to post this blog until I get up north but hey ho, that gives me quite a while to write this, without feeling pressured to finish up and that. Anyhoo what did I say I was gonna write the other day. Oh yeah about the boy J. Well he’s generally awesome. :D:D I miss him so much and its crazy because I only met him like last week. But I guess that’s what happens eh?
But really like him. And it’s not like it was with boyage or the slutty one (yeah I know I was stupid but still you have to give me a break im a teenager!!)
Ooo that reminds me. Me and Burger wrote a song for the slutty ones band… good crack you wanna read it..
I like to make them then break them
Shoot them while their down
And every day I’m looking for
Someone new to play my game
If she’s the kind of girl
To take on my whole world
She’ll trust me completely
And then
I’ll shoot her while she’s down
Do you see what’s happening
I’m playing a game
That I can’t win
Cause one day they’ll
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Then they’ll shoot me while I’m down
If she’s the kind of girl
To take on my whole world
She’ll trust me completely
And then
I’ll shoot her while she’s down
It’s not quite finished yet and the beat that I’m going for is gonna be kind of bowling for soup/metal which should be good :D:D
Anyhoo I kind of went off subject there (ok by “kind of” I mean completely :L:L )
Where was I, oh yeah I remember telling you all about this fabby fabby guy that by complete accident wandered into my life and made it amazing and horrible all at the same time. I should probably tell you why it’s horrible first (the whole get bad news then good news instead of good news then bad news… I dunno it’s just the way I work) this last week has been horrible.. It’s like you find an amazing guy that you really like (but strangely hardly know…. Watch this space I WILL find out a load of stuff) and then you have to travel across the country so you can go to school. It’s not that I don’t like school, I do all my friends are there and I have a load of amazing times. And bad times as well but mostly good. But I miss him ( I am so gonna have to think up a name for him as you know like NO real names are used on here… well for the time being he can be poser.. Cause that’s what he is a little poser :P ) I miss him so much its insane, the fact he doesn’t have credit is so frustrating because I want to know what he’s thinking when he reads my texts and if he’s thinking about me and stuff. I know its my own insecruities but I keep thinking that he’s gonna wake up and realise he doesn’t like me at all. I guess I don’t think I’m good enough for him. And I don’t really see what he sees in me, like he says I’m gorgeous ( I don’t see it) he says I’m the first person to make him smile in like for ages. I guess what he says could be true but I dunno I want to believe it but can’t help thinking that he’s just saying what I want to hear not what he really thinks.. Meh!!! I think its great because this summer I have spent so much more time with my friends that I used to which is awesome. I am so planning to do more random stuff with my mates, like go out for dinner (me and the monster did that the other week before going to see batman… we felt way grown up J)
But yeah so Poser (:P) is generally awesome and I can’t stop thinking about him so I guess he must be doing something right. And I get the same feeling with him that I used to get with Ting which is awesome because it’s one of the best feelings. It’s like I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t be surprised, he’d say just what I want him to and I just feel completely safe around him :D
But that’s all I can really think of to say at the moment. I’m not even at Newtonmore yet so I’ve still got ages before I’m home… should be back around 9 and I’ll post that then J
Xxxx<3xxxx
Well I’m on the train at the moment so won’t be able to post this blog until I get up north but hey ho, that gives me quite a while to write this, without feeling pressured to finish up and that. Anyhoo what did I say I was gonna write the other day. Oh yeah about the boy J. Well he’s generally awesome. :D:D I miss him so much and its crazy because I only met him like last week. But I guess that’s what happens eh?
But really like him. And it’s not like it was with boyage or the slutty one (yeah I know I was stupid but still you have to give me a break im a teenager!!)
Ooo that reminds me. Me and Burger wrote a song for the slutty ones band… good crack you wanna read it..
I like to make them then break them
Shoot them while their down
And every day I’m looking for
Someone new to play my game
If she’s the kind of girl
To take on my whole world
She’ll trust me completely
And then
I’ll shoot her while she’s down
Do you see what’s happening
I’m playing a game
That I can’t win
Cause one day they’ll
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Then they’ll shoot me while I’m down
If she’s the kind of girl
To take on my whole world
She’ll trust me completely
And then
I’ll shoot her while she’s down
It’s not quite finished yet and the beat that I’m going for is gonna be kind of bowling for soup/metal which should be good :D:D
Anyhoo I kind of went off subject there (ok by “kind of” I mean completely :L:L )
Where was I, oh yeah I remember telling you all about this fabby fabby guy that by complete accident wandered into my life and made it amazing and horrible all at the same time. I should probably tell you why it’s horrible first (the whole get bad news then good news instead of good news then bad news… I dunno it’s just the way I work) this last week has been horrible.. It’s like you find an amazing guy that you really like (but strangely hardly know…. Watch this space I WILL find out a load of stuff) and then you have to travel across the country so you can go to school. It’s not that I don’t like school, I do all my friends are there and I have a load of amazing times. And bad times as well but mostly good. But I miss him ( I am so gonna have to think up a name for him as you know like NO real names are used on here… well for the time being he can be poser.. Cause that’s what he is a little poser :P ) I miss him so much its insane, the fact he doesn’t have credit is so frustrating because I want to know what he’s thinking when he reads my texts and if he’s thinking about me and stuff. I know its my own insecruities but I keep thinking that he’s gonna wake up and realise he doesn’t like me at all. I guess I don’t think I’m good enough for him. And I don’t really see what he sees in me, like he says I’m gorgeous ( I don’t see it) he says I’m the first person to make him smile in like for ages. I guess what he says could be true but I dunno I want to believe it but can’t help thinking that he’s just saying what I want to hear not what he really thinks.. Meh!!! I think its great because this summer I have spent so much more time with my friends that I used to which is awesome. I am so planning to do more random stuff with my mates, like go out for dinner (me and the monster did that the other week before going to see batman… we felt way grown up J)
But yeah so Poser (:P) is generally awesome and I can’t stop thinking about him so I guess he must be doing something right. And I get the same feeling with him that I used to get with Ting which is awesome because it’s one of the best feelings. It’s like I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t be surprised, he’d say just what I want him to and I just feel completely safe around him :D
But that’s all I can really think of to say at the moment. I’m not even at Newtonmore yet so I’ve still got ages before I’m home… should be back around 9 and I’ll post that then J
Xxxx<3xxxx
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
happy happy happy millie :D
hey guys, i'm back... well it was bootstock this weekend and i had an amazing time... you know that rant i had like a bunch of months ago, completely ignore it.. .this bootstock has to be the best one yet!!
i met a guy... yeah i know another one but this is different.... promise :D:D
He's actually lovely. and i think he might actually like me back, proper and hes not gonna screw me over like some poeple (see below!!!! and another guy i havent had time to bitch about) but yeah.. mucho likes him... made me blush and everything. :D:D:D
well i shall discuss him in more detail at the weekend... (its 3 days til i see him again)
but im on la home computer and anyone can read what im saying, its much easier to blog when im on my laptop. :D
sleep sweet
<3>
i met a guy... yeah i know another one but this is different.... promise :D:D
He's actually lovely. and i think he might actually like me back, proper and hes not gonna screw me over like some poeple (see below!!!! and another guy i havent had time to bitch about) but yeah.. mucho likes him... made me blush and everything. :D:D:D
well i shall discuss him in more detail at the weekend... (its 3 days til i see him again)
but im on la home computer and anyone can read what im saying, its much easier to blog when im on my laptop. :D
sleep sweet
<3>
Thursday, 14 August 2008
Lifes a bitch.. but i guess we all knew that... oh and some good news aswell :D:D
heya guys, well quite a few things have happened since i last wrote.. which is quite impressive since i wrote the other day....
well shall i start with the good news or the mmhhhmmm i dunno what kinda news it is, type news? ?
i'll start with the good news because well ITS AWESOME news....
MY BURGER IS FINE!!!, well not fine exactly, but shes not horribly ill like they thought she might be... i'm so happy, the one thing i said would take my scare away and then the next week she said it... it's awesome to know that shes ok..... im just sooo happy, my burger sin't going no where :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Now to the mhhhmm i dont know what kinda news it is kinda news....
Well i went to a gig last thursday and it was ok-ish apart from the fact that my loverly twiggy hardly spoke to me for the first 2 hours, but i gues that was stress and half the people that i really wanted to see werent there... oh and the fact that Boyage ignored me the whole night!!!!!
well i texted him the other day telling him he had until the end of the holidays to explain what the hell was going on, and guess what... no reply.... until last night, when i gave him a little reminder.. here's our whole convo...
ME:
Boy:
ME:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
so yeah thats what went down the other night... tbh im not proud of most of what i said and i shouldnt have said it, looking backi totally colasped... i was supposed to be angry.. look how long that lasted...
well thats what happened..
xx
well shall i start with the good news or the mmhhhmmm i dunno what kinda news it is, type news? ?
i'll start with the good news because well ITS AWESOME news....
MY BURGER IS FINE!!!, well not fine exactly, but shes not horribly ill like they thought she might be... i'm so happy, the one thing i said would take my scare away and then the next week she said it... it's awesome to know that shes ok..... im just sooo happy, my burger sin't going no where :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Now to the mhhhmm i dont know what kinda news it is kinda news....
Well i went to a gig last thursday and it was ok-ish apart from the fact that my loverly twiggy hardly spoke to me for the first 2 hours, but i gues that was stress and half the people that i really wanted to see werent there... oh and the fact that Boyage ignored me the whole night!!!!!
well i texted him the other day telling him he had until the end of the holidays to explain what the hell was going on, and guess what... no reply.... until last night, when i gave him a little reminder.. here's our whole convo...
ME:
7 days and counting... i'm waiting
Boy:
ok basically i have a girlfriend and the other thing is i wasnt ready for you being so up close to me around everyone i'm sorry k x
ME:
**** why do you do this to me, tell me you love me and cant wait to see me and the after i manage to get time off work and travel half the country to see you and my mates (half of who didnt turn up in the end) and you pretty much ignore me all night. Just tell me whats wrong with me please
Boy:
Nothing is wrong with you its me im a fucking idiot and i will never deserve someone as amazing as you so you are probably better off forgetting about me x
Me:
Thats what my friends say but **** i dont want to forget about you, you make me feel special but i guess im gona have to arent i x
Boy:
Im sorry you dont have to but its totally your decision x
Me:
If your with some other girl (who is she btw) your hardly gona want to talk to me, one thing i want to know, were you telling the truth when you said you loved me?
Boy:
It's ***** *** and yes i was x
Me:
is it still true?
Boy:
Ye x
Me:
do yo uwant me to forget about you?? (last question) why didnt you just tell me about *****? x
Boy:
i dont want you to but its your choice and i didnt have credit to text you sorry x
Me:
Your such a bastard.. but you were mine... you said forever. i hate you but love you at the same time, i really dont know what to do, im gonna bave to think about it. i was so angry and hurt, now im just upset... if you were in my place what would you do?? x
Boy:
I honestly dont know
Me:
i want to forgive you but i know that when you and ***** split you come to me until you find yourself a new girlfriend, i know thats what'll happen and i dont want to get hurt again.... but i miss you so much x
Boy:
It wont if things dont work out between me and ***** i wont come to you unless you want me x
Me:
Thats the problem... i do, so much, but i know you bad, yet so good... your heart is pure but your mind is currupted... x
Boy:
yep thats me x
Me:
i just want to hug you so bad, and have your pure heart all to myself. But its *****'s now. Now i know why people get upset at breakups i'm gonna stop talking now im just being mean. i dont want you to feel bad about this you and ***** will be happy But i just want my **** back. miss you night xx
Boy:
miss you too xx
so yeah thats what went down the other night... tbh im not proud of most of what i said and i shouldnt have said it, looking backi totally colasped... i was supposed to be angry.. look how long that lasted...
well thats what happened..
xx
Monday, 11 August 2008
la la la
FINSIHED WORK!!!!!!!1
yay!
im gonna go home and eat my tea and do my homework like a good wee gurlie..
i cant believe that my parents are turning on me, i didnt have those drinks that my dad obviously thinks i did, i cant believe he doesnt trust me.
x
yay!
im gonna go home and eat my tea and do my homework like a good wee gurlie..
i cant believe that my parents are turning on me, i didnt have those drinks that my dad obviously thinks i did, i cant believe he doesnt trust me.
x
#1
well i suppose i shall just type some random shizz about something, i just got this new app you see on my laptop and its blogger that is on your desktop so whenever you want to do some blogging you just write into the box and for some reason its soo much easier than actually going on to blogger and typing out a blog....
oh well there is another snippet of randomness for today :)
oh well there is another snippet of randomness for today :)
work...
ok, offically pissed off.. sitting at work and dad was away having his lunch break and he was pronting something or summat and then he ran outta paper, so kulli put more in and then it printed more leaflet things and she needed to print her plane ticket, so i cancelled the leaflet printing thing and then dad came in and got really pissed off because i had cancelled it, every other time ive done it.. what the hells the deal with the people here... its ridiculous!!!!!!
over and out
x
over and out
x
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
maybe im broken....
"Broken Wings"
Thank you for being such a friend to me
Oh I pray a friend for life
And have I ever told you how much you mean to me
Oh, you mean so much to me
I'm thinking all the time
How to tell you what I feel
I'm contemplating phrases
I'm gazing at eternity
I am floating in serenity
And I am so lost for words
And I am so overwhelmed
Please don't go just yet
Can you stay a moment please
We can dance together
We can dance forever
Under your stars tonight
We'll live and breathe this dream
So close your eyes
but don't dream too deep
And please pass me some memories
And when I fall you're underneath
1000 broken hearts
Carried by 1000 broken wings
Thank you for being such a friend to me
Oh I pray a friend for life
And have I ever told you how much you mean to me
Oh, you mean so much to me
I'm thinking all the time
How to tell you what I feel
I'm contemplating phrases
I'm gazing at eternity
I am floating in serenity
And I am so lost for words
And I am so overwhelmed
Please don't go just yet
Can you stay a moment please
We can dance together
We can dance forever
Under your stars tonight
We'll live and breathe this dream
So close your eyes
but don't dream too deep
And please pass me some memories
And when I fall you're underneath
1000 broken hearts
Carried by 1000 broken wings
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