sorry... :S

Heya Sorry i havent posted in a while (well on my standards, i have been checking blogger just havent had the energy to actually sit and type something out...ach wells) So yeah, im currently half way through my forth year prelims which i have to say is awesome! - not. it actually sucks, it means im at school at really random times and i don't get to see my friends, plus we just had inservice days and i went to visit my Dad which was good fun, and that leads to inevitably talking about the gig i went to on Friday (which was amzing btw) and talking about the little (ok minor understatment) argument i had with T at it. Ok the band are Twin Atlantic from glasgow and they are really really good, and such lovely guys as well, i ended up spending most of the afternoon on friday talking to them and watching them sound check.. but yeah check 'em out -

But yeah at the gig... Well i was working the door because it was the only way my dad was going to let me off the hook for not working in the resturant.... meh and then T and that arrive and i was all sweet, but then i saw T and it was pretty obvious she was pissed, which annoyed me a bit but i was like whatever, yeah and then this guy i know called J and he was really really drunk, Twin are his favourite band and everything but then the bouncer scottie chucked him out and T went with him, i had a bit of an argument with her, telling her not to go and then she left with him in a taxi while i was talking to a different friend of mine, so yeah shes left with this guy, who is very drunk and has a rep of being a slag, shes 14 and that so me, im worried t'hell what if something happens what if she regrets it etc etc so i try and phone her a couple of times and she doesnt answer, not the best sign so yeah i'm pissed off then i get a text on saturday NIGHT asking if i can apologise to my dad for her, and stuff and its like EXCUSE ME! WHAT ABOUT ME BITCH EVER THOUGHT I COULD HAVE BEEN UPSET ABOUT THIS! so yeah she obviously didnt take my thoughts into concideration and then she text me sayin sorry and shit and i was just like, you need to learn to take the consquences for what youve done and i wont believe your sorry until i know you really mean it, i got back a reply that had my text copied out and then a hyphen and i dont believe it, lol im at J house watching Kung Fu Panda... ok who actually does that, they totally disregard someones feeling and go on to talk about what fucking movie they are watching with the guy that they left the night before with... hmm so not a happy millie, Then last night i get a phonecall, it T shes in tears, she cant believe what she did, shes so stupid she shouldve have done it, blah blah blah blah blah tbh because yeah i think she thinks she means it but its like, hang on this is happened before, but last time it was with my brother, love you need to get yourself sorted out, this is still my turf, it doesnt matter how much attention your getting from them, i was born here i grew up here and i introduced you to these people, you need to think about it. AHHH!! i dont know what to do likes because today i was refusing to speack to her and i came out of my graphics exam and she was there and she was all BABE how are you? giving me a hug and its like for fuck sake i cant be dealing with that, just piss off because you cant expect after one teary phonecall that everything is going to magic itself better, these things take time, and tbqh i need time to decide if she deserves to be forgiven becuase like the more i write about it the more pathetic it seems me being so annoyed but then i remember quite how crap i felt when i realised she had left with him and there was absolutly nothing i could do about it, i guess its one of those times when i love someone so much and care about them so much that when they go and do something stupid i worry a hell of a lot and then im angry because its like they dont appear to give a damn about me. and it really doesnt matter what she says atm its all looking like an atempt to make me forgive her, which isnt going to happen for a while, and the thing is that it kills me to ignore her, i love her to bits and dont want to ignore her but i really dont want to talk to her either becuase its like, what the helll am i suppsoed to say, i let her have her piece, i let her explain herslef but her excuses just werent working for me, and maybe your thinking im a total bitch but hey i dont know why im so angry for such a petty thing that doesnt really involve me but i am, so i will be, its the kinda person i am. And its like i have other reasons to be angry i get the feeling that she usually only shows she loves me when she wants to do something or wants something of mine, she had my straigtners for over a week, and no i dont mind but it sucks when you go to use them and rememeber they arent there, and its stupid stuff like on THursday night, we were recording this song that i've written for my dad for christmas and then we went up to talk to my step-mum for a wee bit and i was like, shall we go back down and do some more and she was all nahh im tired lets just leave it and go to bed and then she procceds to be all chatty and shit when we are in bed, and its like if you were tired you wouldnt be sitting talking at me!! AHHHHHHHHHHH! but yeah, frustration out of the way. i'm sorry that you just wasted that amount of time reading that pathetic blog about pathetic stuff, but yeah..

much love
M

p.s going into art tomorrow, gonna spend the day painting and sketching YAY! :)