heya
you know the last week or so, pretty much scrap it, i feel like shit.
Me and thee poser are no more, fine there i said it, happy now.
Well when i got the text i was standing outside of the changing rooms in Zara in stirling with Effy, kinda wrecked my day if i'm honest, i cried, which sucked, i really hate cryig (i know unbelievable ain't it considering how much i do it :S)
but yeah.. ive been told to write this and now that im actually sitting down to do it i don't know what to say.
i guess i should be brutally honest. i guess, i really dont want to because i realy dont want to hurt him, stupid i know as he hurt me. but still i dont like knowing that im hurting someone its not cool,
but yeah ok this is what i think
i think he should get over that girl, because i dont know how long this has been going on but by the sounds of it too long.
ok said it happy now?
that sting... yeah thought so
but yeha getting dumped stings as it is, i was really looking forward to seeing him too and then im now not sure if im going to go to the talent show or not beacuse its like what the point, he obv doesnt want me to be there.. . :(
but yeah i would sit and rant for aggers but im not ging to because the siblings keep coming and annoying me and they will probably read this over my shoulder... again not cool
but yeah if you really want the truth, i feel like i've been stupid and ive just been screwed over by another one of those guys, but this time it hurts more because i didnt think it was going to happen....
x
M
Sunday, 28 September 2008
Saturday, 27 September 2008
meh
heya everyone,
im uber tired and really can't be bothered but im being kept up so i thought i might as well write something.
Well i know that 2 of the people i know that read this are currently in bed. Burger is in her cosy and warm burger bes and the poser... well apparently hes in bed with ash and andrew atm, i dont know who ash is but oh well :L:L
their all drunk and in bed... what are friday nights for i guess :P
but yeah i have nothing really to say, school was pish, had to play single sex football against 2nd years and it was pish!! not that i have anything against 2nd years, but 1) i could crush them, 2) i don't like it when a teacher takes us out of a perfectly good full pitch game with mixed teams, just to raise the confidence of the bloody 2nd years! not impressed!
ayyyeee well im away now, ive jsut been informed that thee poser is totally out of it and so cannot talk to me just now. lovely... i will be mocking him for a while now. the sensible boy who doesnt get drunk... thats that image ruined :P:P
laters
M
xx
im uber tired and really can't be bothered but im being kept up so i thought i might as well write something.
Well i know that 2 of the people i know that read this are currently in bed. Burger is in her cosy and warm burger bes and the poser... well apparently hes in bed with ash and andrew atm, i dont know who ash is but oh well :L:L
their all drunk and in bed... what are friday nights for i guess :P
but yeah i have nothing really to say, school was pish, had to play single sex football against 2nd years and it was pish!! not that i have anything against 2nd years, but 1) i could crush them, 2) i don't like it when a teacher takes us out of a perfectly good full pitch game with mixed teams, just to raise the confidence of the bloody 2nd years! not impressed!
ayyyeee well im away now, ive jsut been informed that thee poser is totally out of it and so cannot talk to me just now. lovely... i will be mocking him for a while now. the sensible boy who doesnt get drunk... thats that image ruined :P:P
laters
M
xx
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
23rd sept 08
So my day today, started off not too bad, had assembly and the horrible people tried to make us sign up for the Chile trip.. I signed up last time but there was no way I was getting that much money together that quickly. I worked out that I had to give up school and get a full time job to pay for it and then I wouldn’t be able to go cause I wasn’t part of the school, that and I would NEVER be able to quit school. Anyhoo that was assembly oh yeah and the German exchange people arrived last night and so there is a ceildh on Thursday.. If its half as good as the French one it will be awesome fun XD
Good bant
So first period I had maths which was kinda uninteresting we played games the whole of the lesson to decide who was going to go to this enterprising maths day thing through in perth… I will tell you now I’m not going I lost all my games… oh well its only a day off school to piss about and be geeky.
Um second period was a bit more eventful, I had PE and it was trampolining and I nearly died!!! Ok maybe a slight exaggeration. I was doing a backdrop and I landed wrong and did something to my back and it hurts to hell!!! Apparently according to my teacher I’ve done something to the back of my ribs. But apart from being in great pain, I really don’t like my PE class its like there are a bunch of what would be called “popular girls” and then there are a bunch of really sound but totally “we’re too cool” guys. And I’m better at trampolining than the girls because they just scream and run away from the trampoline but I’m not as good as the boys and its bloody difficult to earn their respect, cause as much as they’re all like “boys and girls are just as capable” I can tell they still think guys are better. And yes the guys in this class are natural athletes and that but its like when I try and do anything they laugh at me and take the piss, and its like I need to be bloody amazing to gain some respect off them and even then I don’t think I would get it…. AHH! Its just so frustrating!!
The rest of the day wasn’t very eventful, the girlies had rehearsals for talent show at lunch and Moi et Tilly went along to help and they’re really good. I was concerned because they’re doing hallelujah by Paramore and it’s a bloody difficult song to sing but Meghan’s amazing!!
I think it will get there but they need to do some serious practise.
Well aye that and I wasn’t allowed on the computer. .. Hence why this blog is posted later than it was written… sorry..
Much love
M
xx
Good bant
So first period I had maths which was kinda uninteresting we played games the whole of the lesson to decide who was going to go to this enterprising maths day thing through in perth… I will tell you now I’m not going I lost all my games… oh well its only a day off school to piss about and be geeky.
Um second period was a bit more eventful, I had PE and it was trampolining and I nearly died!!! Ok maybe a slight exaggeration. I was doing a backdrop and I landed wrong and did something to my back and it hurts to hell!!! Apparently according to my teacher I’ve done something to the back of my ribs. But apart from being in great pain, I really don’t like my PE class its like there are a bunch of what would be called “popular girls” and then there are a bunch of really sound but totally “we’re too cool” guys. And I’m better at trampolining than the girls because they just scream and run away from the trampoline but I’m not as good as the boys and its bloody difficult to earn their respect, cause as much as they’re all like “boys and girls are just as capable” I can tell they still think guys are better. And yes the guys in this class are natural athletes and that but its like when I try and do anything they laugh at me and take the piss, and its like I need to be bloody amazing to gain some respect off them and even then I don’t think I would get it…. AHH! Its just so frustrating!!
The rest of the day wasn’t very eventful, the girlies had rehearsals for talent show at lunch and Moi et Tilly went along to help and they’re really good. I was concerned because they’re doing hallelujah by Paramore and it’s a bloody difficult song to sing but Meghan’s amazing!!
I think it will get there but they need to do some serious practise.
Well aye that and I wasn’t allowed on the computer. .. Hence why this blog is posted later than it was written… sorry..
Much love
M
xx
22nd september
Moving on…
I’ve decided I need to leave the past behind me and just go for the future. I need to stop giving a damn about what people think like (ok I know I do not do names but screw that) Laura, Peigi and Lucy. It’s like for Christ sake why do I need your approval to do something you don’t rule me. So yeah I’m going to live by new motto. Live for the moment, forget the past and don’t think about the future..
This obv has to have levels to follow it by, I’m not going to forget everything that has happened in the past, I’m gonna learn from the experiences that I have but I’m not going to let them affect decisions I know I should make.
Every time we touch - Cascada
One of the songs that got me into dance beats, it taught me that what the artists are making isn’t just the mindless thumping of a bass it has words and meanings behind it just like any other good song I listen to.
It reminds my of him <3
How I feel when I look at him
How I feel when he hugs me
How I feel when he kisses me
I don’t want to leave him
But I have to just after I see him .
Next time I see him it will be the talent show
He’s gonna be amazing
Playing that song
He better not screw it up
If he screws it up I’m going to hurt him
Because that song like so many others
Makes me cry and it take special pieces of music to do that
They need to have special memories attached to them
I wish he’s tell me what’s going on in his head
Its like I know somethings up
But I don’t know what it is.
Not cool
Oh well I need to sleep or I will collaspe
Xxx
I’ve decided I need to leave the past behind me and just go for the future. I need to stop giving a damn about what people think like (ok I know I do not do names but screw that) Laura, Peigi and Lucy. It’s like for Christ sake why do I need your approval to do something you don’t rule me. So yeah I’m going to live by new motto. Live for the moment, forget the past and don’t think about the future..
This obv has to have levels to follow it by, I’m not going to forget everything that has happened in the past, I’m gonna learn from the experiences that I have but I’m not going to let them affect decisions I know I should make.
Every time we touch - Cascada
One of the songs that got me into dance beats, it taught me that what the artists are making isn’t just the mindless thumping of a bass it has words and meanings behind it just like any other good song I listen to.
It reminds my of him <3
How I feel when I look at him
How I feel when he hugs me
How I feel when he kisses me
I don’t want to leave him
But I have to just after I see him .
Next time I see him it will be the talent show
He’s gonna be amazing
Playing that song
He better not screw it up
If he screws it up I’m going to hurt him
Because that song like so many others
Makes me cry and it take special pieces of music to do that
They need to have special memories attached to them
I wish he’s tell me what’s going on in his head
Its like I know somethings up
But I don’t know what it is.
Not cool
Oh well I need to sleep or I will collaspe
Xxx
Monday, 22 September 2008
oh yeah, just a thought
just a thought. The hairy one says that the poser keeps scaring everyone at school with all this new "positive attitude" stuff. That makes me smile :)
Rawr... for him <3
well as you said you liked reading it so much i thought i'd write one specially for you, i know the past few kinda have been already but thats kinda irrelevant!!
yeah so what can i say
in one REALLY long (well it felt it) week you managed to make me pretty much fall for you.
crazy isn't it
i know i shouldn't have you a
i don't DESERVE to have you
but its nice to know your there all the same :D:D
but ayyyee you said you wanted some of my lyrics well i guess you can have some,
heres a song i wrote when i decided that i was thinking to much about what had happened
]
yeah so what can i say
in one REALLY long (well it felt it) week you managed to make me pretty much fall for you.
crazy isn't it
i know i shouldn't have you a
i don't DESERVE to have you
but its nice to know your there all the same :D:D
but ayyyee you said you wanted some of my lyrics well i guess you can have some,
heres a song i wrote when i decided that i was thinking to much about what had happened
]
Everything just passes me by
As I sit here and cry
And as the tears they fall
Rolling down my cheeks
And no one knows
How I feel tonight
But me
My life will just fly by
If I don’t stop and look around
Every now and then
My world comes to a sudden stop
And everything just falls apart
And I really don’t know where to start
To put it all back together again
Yet I make it through
Every single day
I make it through
Just a little bit at a time
And all I need is to see you smile
And it brightens up my day and
Makes all the bad stuff
Well it just floats away
Just floats away
anyway yeah thats one song, and another one would be
I look into the night sky
And I gaze up at that satr
I look into the night sky
And I wonder just how far
I look into the night sky
And I know which star is yours
It shines so bright
Magnifencent light
High up above this world
I look into the night sky
And I wish I was up there
I look into the night sky
And suddenly I’m scared
But I’m stuck here with people that are laughing and joking
But I know
Whats underneath their smiles
‘cause their crying on the inside
unable to let it out
crying on the inside
uncomplete and full of doubt
crying on the inside
they don’t know which start is theirs
and I’m crying on the outside
now your not there.
yeah thats a song i made from a poem ...
i have one more that i wrote when tom died but i dont have it on this computer and i don't want to type it all up
well one more of the old stuff that is demi semi decent (like a demi semi quaver)
i have some new stuff but thats all working progress sorry ;)
ayyyee thats all now
:P
much love
m
xx
Sunday, 21 September 2008
hmmm, im digressing...
well im supposed to be writing a music essay but i cannot concentrate at all its like why do i care about ska... ok i care hughly about ska music but not at the moment!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!!
miss him <......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................>
this much
well gotta go and try and do more homework
grr
xxxx
AHHHHHHHHHH!!
miss him <......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................>
this much
well gotta go and try and do more homework
grr
xxxx
again..
well thats me home now with cup of hot oj in hand...
2:15am not so bad doing is it... :L
its just something in my mind is nagging at me and i dont know what it is... :S
burger text me today when i was with the poser... her text im guessing is a response to one of my earlier blogs...
the text goes something like this..
"Theres so much death and pain. We always miss what has and gone, at times spend our what seems like life time missing or in pain". gives me hope the way you always find a smile, you never ask whats up when cant hold back the tears. love you so much be-atch! i can now honestly say that if this thing turns out to be conver, i wont be scared because i know your close and that you wont let me fall. Stuff the bad guys milli, you never deserved their hurt, you never cause hurt. ya finally got the guy you deserve, the good one <3>
it made me cry, i was so glas we were in the cowshed and it was dark so poser couldnt see me crying.. i dont want all the times we're together for me to end up crying so far its been two of two which isn't so good...
hmmmm
well i should really go to sleep its half past two soon
love to those you need it
xxx<3xxx
2:15am not so bad doing is it... :L
its just something in my mind is nagging at me and i dont know what it is... :S
burger text me today when i was with the poser... her text im guessing is a response to one of my earlier blogs...
the text goes something like this..
"Theres so much death and pain. We always miss what has and gone, at times spend our what seems like life time missing or in pain". gives me hope the way you always find a smile, you never ask whats up when cant hold back the tears. love you so much be-atch! i can now honestly say that if this thing turns out to be conver, i wont be scared because i know your close and that you wont let me fall. Stuff the bad guys milli, you never deserved their hurt, you never cause hurt. ya finally got the guy you deserve, the good one <3>
it made me cry, i was so glas we were in the cowshed and it was dark so poser couldnt see me crying.. i dont want all the times we're together for me to end up crying so far its been two of two which isn't so good...
hmmmm
well i should really go to sleep its half past two soon
love to those you need it
xxx<3xxx
Tonight....
I'm still at work.. i got off about an hour ago but the buzz is electric and i dont think that if i went to bed i would be able to sleep so i'm just staying here... its easier.
i saw him.
it was amazing.
My dad made my life incredibly difficult though as he wouldnt give me time off to go spend some time with him, not that dad knew thats what i wanted mind.
it was funny because like we were just standing there and i didnt want to let him go.
i had to of course but it was hard, and it took at least 3 attempts.
but oh dads coming got to go
it was a great night though, through the tears =]
xxxx
i saw him.
it was amazing.
My dad made my life incredibly difficult though as he wouldnt give me time off to go spend some time with him, not that dad knew thats what i wanted mind.
it was funny because like we were just standing there and i didnt want to let him go.
i had to of course but it was hard, and it took at least 3 attempts.
but oh dads coming got to go
it was a great night though, through the tears =]
xxxx
Saturday, 20 September 2008
FINSIHED
i've finished my english talk now i just have to get dad to read and approve it.... dont want him tooo... lol
its 10 past five, yay! i have work in 20 minutes i think i will take a break for a wee while before i have to go and work...
meh
xxx
its 10 past five, yay! i have work in 20 minutes i think i will take a break for a wee while before i have to go and work...
meh
xxx
what up people ?
heya
well im supposed to be writing an english talk but tbh i really cant be bothered and i cant concentrate so does it really matter?!?!?
anyhoo i can't believe its only 3 o clock!! (ok now its 4) thats agggggges until i get to see the poser (i am now in a strop!) so what im talking to him on msn.... irrelevent if i do say so myself!!
hes on probation. he probably already know but the likely hood of me not letting him kiss me when im not gonna see him again for a minimum of 2 weeks is incredibly unlikely... but its a fun game to play.. make him work for it if you know what i mean ;)... i really like him... i like really like him.. but dont want to like to push it because as much as he says it i still dont believe that he really likes me as much as i like him... that and i really dont want him to think im obsessive or anything because its like yeah i do think about him all the time but im not obsessed... am i?
oh shit now im being all self doubting..
i still dont think im good enough, he seems so lovely and why would i deserve lovely, i dont think i do .... bad guys that hurt me seems more apt because i hurt people and i don't like to think that i do but still i do it... not fair is it but life isnt so you just have to get on with it... i'll be writing when i get in tonight about what all went down. I can't believe dad put me on the stovie thing, which means i'm like stuck there all night. i haven't said that to Poser yet because i dont want to... if you know what i mean. because there is a chance i might get to go earlier or do a bit and then get off for a while and then go back but you never know so i just dont want to say anything..
well i better go. i need to write an english talk on Bootstock.. which should be fun.. i dont know what to say about it. oh well what can you do likes.. dad wants me to make it all like funny and stuff and im like its an english talk i dont want to do that. so im just going to stick with what ive got so that it works.
well
TTFN
(lol i love using abv its awesome)
xxxx
well im supposed to be writing an english talk but tbh i really cant be bothered and i cant concentrate so does it really matter?!?!?
anyhoo i can't believe its only 3 o clock!! (ok now its 4) thats agggggges until i get to see the poser (i am now in a strop!) so what im talking to him on msn.... irrelevent if i do say so myself!!
hes on probation. he probably already know but the likely hood of me not letting him kiss me when im not gonna see him again for a minimum of 2 weeks is incredibly unlikely... but its a fun game to play.. make him work for it if you know what i mean ;)... i really like him... i like really like him.. but dont want to like to push it because as much as he says it i still dont believe that he really likes me as much as i like him... that and i really dont want him to think im obsessive or anything because its like yeah i do think about him all the time but im not obsessed... am i?
oh shit now im being all self doubting..
i still dont think im good enough, he seems so lovely and why would i deserve lovely, i dont think i do .... bad guys that hurt me seems more apt because i hurt people and i don't like to think that i do but still i do it... not fair is it but life isnt so you just have to get on with it... i'll be writing when i get in tonight about what all went down. I can't believe dad put me on the stovie thing, which means i'm like stuck there all night. i haven't said that to Poser yet because i dont want to... if you know what i mean. because there is a chance i might get to go earlier or do a bit and then get off for a while and then go back but you never know so i just dont want to say anything..
well i better go. i need to write an english talk on Bootstock.. which should be fun.. i dont know what to say about it. oh well what can you do likes.. dad wants me to make it all like funny and stuff and im like its an english talk i dont want to do that. so im just going to stick with what ive got so that it works.
well
TTFN
(lol i love using abv its awesome)
xxxx
Friday, 19 September 2008
19th sept 08
Heya.
Well I’m on the train at the moment so won’t be able to post this blog until I get up north but hey ho, that gives me quite a while to write this, without feeling pressured to finish up and that. Anyhoo what did I say I was gonna write the other day. Oh yeah about the boy J. Well he’s generally awesome. :D:D I miss him so much and its crazy because I only met him like last week. But I guess that’s what happens eh?
But really like him. And it’s not like it was with boyage or the slutty one (yeah I know I was stupid but still you have to give me a break im a teenager!!)
Ooo that reminds me. Me and Burger wrote a song for the slutty ones band… good crack you wanna read it..
I like to make them then break them
Shoot them while their down
And every day I’m looking for
Someone new to play my game
If she’s the kind of girl
To take on my whole world
She’ll trust me completely
And then
I’ll shoot her while she’s down
Do you see what’s happening
I’m playing a game
That I can’t win
Cause one day they’ll
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Then they’ll shoot me while I’m down
If she’s the kind of girl
To take on my whole world
She’ll trust me completely
And then
I’ll shoot her while she’s down
It’s not quite finished yet and the beat that I’m going for is gonna be kind of bowling for soup/metal which should be good :D:D
Anyhoo I kind of went off subject there (ok by “kind of” I mean completely :L:L )
Where was I, oh yeah I remember telling you all about this fabby fabby guy that by complete accident wandered into my life and made it amazing and horrible all at the same time. I should probably tell you why it’s horrible first (the whole get bad news then good news instead of good news then bad news… I dunno it’s just the way I work) this last week has been horrible.. It’s like you find an amazing guy that you really like (but strangely hardly know…. Watch this space I WILL find out a load of stuff) and then you have to travel across the country so you can go to school. It’s not that I don’t like school, I do all my friends are there and I have a load of amazing times. And bad times as well but mostly good. But I miss him ( I am so gonna have to think up a name for him as you know like NO real names are used on here… well for the time being he can be poser.. Cause that’s what he is a little poser :P ) I miss him so much its insane, the fact he doesn’t have credit is so frustrating because I want to know what he’s thinking when he reads my texts and if he’s thinking about me and stuff. I know its my own insecruities but I keep thinking that he’s gonna wake up and realise he doesn’t like me at all. I guess I don’t think I’m good enough for him. And I don’t really see what he sees in me, like he says I’m gorgeous ( I don’t see it) he says I’m the first person to make him smile in like for ages. I guess what he says could be true but I dunno I want to believe it but can’t help thinking that he’s just saying what I want to hear not what he really thinks.. Meh!!! I think its great because this summer I have spent so much more time with my friends that I used to which is awesome. I am so planning to do more random stuff with my mates, like go out for dinner (me and the monster did that the other week before going to see batman… we felt way grown up J)
But yeah so Poser (:P) is generally awesome and I can’t stop thinking about him so I guess he must be doing something right. And I get the same feeling with him that I used to get with Ting which is awesome because it’s one of the best feelings. It’s like I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t be surprised, he’d say just what I want him to and I just feel completely safe around him :D
But that’s all I can really think of to say at the moment. I’m not even at Newtonmore yet so I’ve still got ages before I’m home… should be back around 9 and I’ll post that then J
Xxxx<3xxxx
Well I’m on the train at the moment so won’t be able to post this blog until I get up north but hey ho, that gives me quite a while to write this, without feeling pressured to finish up and that. Anyhoo what did I say I was gonna write the other day. Oh yeah about the boy J. Well he’s generally awesome. :D:D I miss him so much and its crazy because I only met him like last week. But I guess that’s what happens eh?
But really like him. And it’s not like it was with boyage or the slutty one (yeah I know I was stupid but still you have to give me a break im a teenager!!)
Ooo that reminds me. Me and Burger wrote a song for the slutty ones band… good crack you wanna read it..
I like to make them then break them
Shoot them while their down
And every day I’m looking for
Someone new to play my game
If she’s the kind of girl
To take on my whole world
She’ll trust me completely
And then
I’ll shoot her while she’s down
Do you see what’s happening
I’m playing a game
That I can’t win
Cause one day they’ll
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Then they’ll shoot me while I’m down
If she’s the kind of girl
To take on my whole world
She’ll trust me completely
And then
I’ll shoot her while she’s down
It’s not quite finished yet and the beat that I’m going for is gonna be kind of bowling for soup/metal which should be good :D:D
Anyhoo I kind of went off subject there (ok by “kind of” I mean completely :L:L )
Where was I, oh yeah I remember telling you all about this fabby fabby guy that by complete accident wandered into my life and made it amazing and horrible all at the same time. I should probably tell you why it’s horrible first (the whole get bad news then good news instead of good news then bad news… I dunno it’s just the way I work) this last week has been horrible.. It’s like you find an amazing guy that you really like (but strangely hardly know…. Watch this space I WILL find out a load of stuff) and then you have to travel across the country so you can go to school. It’s not that I don’t like school, I do all my friends are there and I have a load of amazing times. And bad times as well but mostly good. But I miss him ( I am so gonna have to think up a name for him as you know like NO real names are used on here… well for the time being he can be poser.. Cause that’s what he is a little poser :P ) I miss him so much its insane, the fact he doesn’t have credit is so frustrating because I want to know what he’s thinking when he reads my texts and if he’s thinking about me and stuff. I know its my own insecruities but I keep thinking that he’s gonna wake up and realise he doesn’t like me at all. I guess I don’t think I’m good enough for him. And I don’t really see what he sees in me, like he says I’m gorgeous ( I don’t see it) he says I’m the first person to make him smile in like for ages. I guess what he says could be true but I dunno I want to believe it but can’t help thinking that he’s just saying what I want to hear not what he really thinks.. Meh!!! I think its great because this summer I have spent so much more time with my friends that I used to which is awesome. I am so planning to do more random stuff with my mates, like go out for dinner (me and the monster did that the other week before going to see batman… we felt way grown up J)
But yeah so Poser (:P) is generally awesome and I can’t stop thinking about him so I guess he must be doing something right. And I get the same feeling with him that I used to get with Ting which is awesome because it’s one of the best feelings. It’s like I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t be surprised, he’d say just what I want him to and I just feel completely safe around him :D
But that’s all I can really think of to say at the moment. I’m not even at Newtonmore yet so I’ve still got ages before I’m home… should be back around 9 and I’ll post that then J
Xxxx<3xxxx
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
happy happy happy millie :D
hey guys, i'm back... well it was bootstock this weekend and i had an amazing time... you know that rant i had like a bunch of months ago, completely ignore it.. .this bootstock has to be the best one yet!!
i met a guy... yeah i know another one but this is different.... promise :D:D
He's actually lovely. and i think he might actually like me back, proper and hes not gonna screw me over like some poeple (see below!!!! and another guy i havent had time to bitch about) but yeah.. mucho likes him... made me blush and everything. :D:D:D
well i shall discuss him in more detail at the weekend... (its 3 days til i see him again)
but im on la home computer and anyone can read what im saying, its much easier to blog when im on my laptop. :D
sleep sweet
<3>
i met a guy... yeah i know another one but this is different.... promise :D:D
He's actually lovely. and i think he might actually like me back, proper and hes not gonna screw me over like some poeple (see below!!!! and another guy i havent had time to bitch about) but yeah.. mucho likes him... made me blush and everything. :D:D:D
well i shall discuss him in more detail at the weekend... (its 3 days til i see him again)
but im on la home computer and anyone can read what im saying, its much easier to blog when im on my laptop. :D
sleep sweet
<3>
Thursday, 14 August 2008
Lifes a bitch.. but i guess we all knew that... oh and some good news aswell :D:D
heya guys, well quite a few things have happened since i last wrote.. which is quite impressive since i wrote the other day....
well shall i start with the good news or the mmhhhmmm i dunno what kinda news it is, type news? ?
i'll start with the good news because well ITS AWESOME news....
MY BURGER IS FINE!!!, well not fine exactly, but shes not horribly ill like they thought she might be... i'm so happy, the one thing i said would take my scare away and then the next week she said it... it's awesome to know that shes ok..... im just sooo happy, my burger sin't going no where :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Now to the mhhhmm i dont know what kinda news it is kinda news....
Well i went to a gig last thursday and it was ok-ish apart from the fact that my loverly twiggy hardly spoke to me for the first 2 hours, but i gues that was stress and half the people that i really wanted to see werent there... oh and the fact that Boyage ignored me the whole night!!!!!
well i texted him the other day telling him he had until the end of the holidays to explain what the hell was going on, and guess what... no reply.... until last night, when i gave him a little reminder.. here's our whole convo...
ME:
Boy:
ME:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
Me:
Boy:
so yeah thats what went down the other night... tbh im not proud of most of what i said and i shouldnt have said it, looking backi totally colasped... i was supposed to be angry.. look how long that lasted...
well thats what happened..
xx
well shall i start with the good news or the mmhhhmmm i dunno what kinda news it is, type news? ?
i'll start with the good news because well ITS AWESOME news....
MY BURGER IS FINE!!!, well not fine exactly, but shes not horribly ill like they thought she might be... i'm so happy, the one thing i said would take my scare away and then the next week she said it... it's awesome to know that shes ok..... im just sooo happy, my burger sin't going no where :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Now to the mhhhmm i dont know what kinda news it is kinda news....
Well i went to a gig last thursday and it was ok-ish apart from the fact that my loverly twiggy hardly spoke to me for the first 2 hours, but i gues that was stress and half the people that i really wanted to see werent there... oh and the fact that Boyage ignored me the whole night!!!!!
well i texted him the other day telling him he had until the end of the holidays to explain what the hell was going on, and guess what... no reply.... until last night, when i gave him a little reminder.. here's our whole convo...
ME:
7 days and counting... i'm waiting
Boy:
ok basically i have a girlfriend and the other thing is i wasnt ready for you being so up close to me around everyone i'm sorry k x
ME:
**** why do you do this to me, tell me you love me and cant wait to see me and the after i manage to get time off work and travel half the country to see you and my mates (half of who didnt turn up in the end) and you pretty much ignore me all night. Just tell me whats wrong with me please
Boy:
Nothing is wrong with you its me im a fucking idiot and i will never deserve someone as amazing as you so you are probably better off forgetting about me x
Me:
Thats what my friends say but **** i dont want to forget about you, you make me feel special but i guess im gona have to arent i x
Boy:
Im sorry you dont have to but its totally your decision x
Me:
If your with some other girl (who is she btw) your hardly gona want to talk to me, one thing i want to know, were you telling the truth when you said you loved me?
Boy:
It's ***** *** and yes i was x
Me:
is it still true?
Boy:
Ye x
Me:
do yo uwant me to forget about you?? (last question) why didnt you just tell me about *****? x
Boy:
i dont want you to but its your choice and i didnt have credit to text you sorry x
Me:
Your such a bastard.. but you were mine... you said forever. i hate you but love you at the same time, i really dont know what to do, im gonna bave to think about it. i was so angry and hurt, now im just upset... if you were in my place what would you do?? x
Boy:
I honestly dont know
Me:
i want to forgive you but i know that when you and ***** split you come to me until you find yourself a new girlfriend, i know thats what'll happen and i dont want to get hurt again.... but i miss you so much x
Boy:
It wont if things dont work out between me and ***** i wont come to you unless you want me x
Me:
Thats the problem... i do, so much, but i know you bad, yet so good... your heart is pure but your mind is currupted... x
Boy:
yep thats me x
Me:
i just want to hug you so bad, and have your pure heart all to myself. But its *****'s now. Now i know why people get upset at breakups i'm gonna stop talking now im just being mean. i dont want you to feel bad about this you and ***** will be happy But i just want my **** back. miss you night xx
Boy:
miss you too xx
so yeah thats what went down the other night... tbh im not proud of most of what i said and i shouldnt have said it, looking backi totally colasped... i was supposed to be angry.. look how long that lasted...
well thats what happened..
xx
Monday, 11 August 2008
la la la
FINSIHED WORK!!!!!!!1
yay!
im gonna go home and eat my tea and do my homework like a good wee gurlie..
i cant believe that my parents are turning on me, i didnt have those drinks that my dad obviously thinks i did, i cant believe he doesnt trust me.
x
yay!
im gonna go home and eat my tea and do my homework like a good wee gurlie..
i cant believe that my parents are turning on me, i didnt have those drinks that my dad obviously thinks i did, i cant believe he doesnt trust me.
x
#1
well i suppose i shall just type some random shizz about something, i just got this new app you see on my laptop and its blogger that is on your desktop so whenever you want to do some blogging you just write into the box and for some reason its soo much easier than actually going on to blogger and typing out a blog....
oh well there is another snippet of randomness for today :)
oh well there is another snippet of randomness for today :)
work...
ok, offically pissed off.. sitting at work and dad was away having his lunch break and he was pronting something or summat and then he ran outta paper, so kulli put more in and then it printed more leaflet things and she needed to print her plane ticket, so i cancelled the leaflet printing thing and then dad came in and got really pissed off because i had cancelled it, every other time ive done it.. what the hells the deal with the people here... its ridiculous!!!!!!
over and out
x
over and out
x
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
maybe im broken....
"Broken Wings"
Thank you for being such a friend to me
Oh I pray a friend for life
And have I ever told you how much you mean to me
Oh, you mean so much to me
I'm thinking all the time
How to tell you what I feel
I'm contemplating phrases
I'm gazing at eternity
I am floating in serenity
And I am so lost for words
And I am so overwhelmed
Please don't go just yet
Can you stay a moment please
We can dance together
We can dance forever
Under your stars tonight
We'll live and breathe this dream
So close your eyes
but don't dream too deep
And please pass me some memories
And when I fall you're underneath
1000 broken hearts
Carried by 1000 broken wings
Thank you for being such a friend to me
Oh I pray a friend for life
And have I ever told you how much you mean to me
Oh, you mean so much to me
I'm thinking all the time
How to tell you what I feel
I'm contemplating phrases
I'm gazing at eternity
I am floating in serenity
And I am so lost for words
And I am so overwhelmed
Please don't go just yet
Can you stay a moment please
We can dance together
We can dance forever
Under your stars tonight
We'll live and breathe this dream
So close your eyes
but don't dream too deep
And please pass me some memories
And when I fall you're underneath
1000 broken hearts
Carried by 1000 broken wings
Monday, 4 August 2008
its so much easier looking in....
i feel like shit.
simple really
and to be honest i really dont know why, well i think i know why but i dont if that makes sense.
yeah this weekend was good and bad and all banterful at the same time i dunno, i just dunno anymore.
i miss the old days and i know that i shouldn't and that isnt true its not that i miss the old days i miss the days that were simple and i just did what i felt like and i didnt worry about things, not money, not what people thought, not what my parents viewed me as and if theey trusted me, i knew they trusted me.. and everything changed.
i hate change.. it sucks and should be banned.
i haate the fact that i can take other peoples problems and give them a simple solution that will work but when its my problems i sit and i think about them for hours and nothing seems to get any simpler..
everyone keeps telling me i help them but thing is i never feel that way, it doesnt seem to matter how much they tell me they love me and that i help them so much, i have this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that they dont really love me, they just think they do.. i'm the most cynical person that i know and i hate it..
the main things that are upsetting me at the moment;
Boyage: WTF?! i dunno what hes about and i dunno whats going through his head, i really want to make it work but i dont know if i can trust him or not and i know that some of my friends say to leave him, but when im with him i dunno, its exciting but i feel totally safe.
its strange and i cnat explain it...
SuperD: i love him... no thats not right because at 15 you rarely feel love, and i duno hes older, hes lovely i dunno if i like him as a friend or more i just know that i really feel safe around him and that hes leaving..
everyone is leaving.. well not everyone is leaving its a total over exageration, it feels like everyones leaving me behind...
shes ill, she might be really ill, they dont know, its horrible not knowing i think if i knew it would help.. but i dunno. i hate not being able to talk about it but i promised and thats one promise im not going to break. not now not ever...
my dad.. i love him so much yet its so hard. its like i want to agree with you because thats what ive grownup believing, daddys always right and now when i do disagree its like, i must be wrong, dad always knows better.. and hes being so harsh i dont know what to do, its like i do a job and its never good enough, never ever.. i know he loves me so much but there is always more that i need to do.... i think in his head i have the ablities of someone who is older... and when i make some stpid mistake he comes down on me like a ton o bricks and i just want to turn and scream at him, im only 15!!! leave me alone im gonna make mistakes and i know as soon as ive made them that its wrong.. but hey i suppose thats what i get for acting older than i am...
well i have so much more i want to say but im really really tired so maybe ill write more another day
love you
X
simple really
and to be honest i really dont know why, well i think i know why but i dont if that makes sense.
yeah this weekend was good and bad and all banterful at the same time i dunno, i just dunno anymore.
i miss the old days and i know that i shouldn't and that isnt true its not that i miss the old days i miss the days that were simple and i just did what i felt like and i didnt worry about things, not money, not what people thought, not what my parents viewed me as and if theey trusted me, i knew they trusted me.. and everything changed.
i hate change.. it sucks and should be banned.
i haate the fact that i can take other peoples problems and give them a simple solution that will work but when its my problems i sit and i think about them for hours and nothing seems to get any simpler..
everyone keeps telling me i help them but thing is i never feel that way, it doesnt seem to matter how much they tell me they love me and that i help them so much, i have this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that they dont really love me, they just think they do.. i'm the most cynical person that i know and i hate it..
the main things that are upsetting me at the moment;
Boyage: WTF?! i dunno what hes about and i dunno whats going through his head, i really want to make it work but i dont know if i can trust him or not and i know that some of my friends say to leave him, but when im with him i dunno, its exciting but i feel totally safe.
its strange and i cnat explain it...
SuperD: i love him... no thats not right because at 15 you rarely feel love, and i duno hes older, hes lovely i dunno if i like him as a friend or more i just know that i really feel safe around him and that hes leaving..
everyone is leaving.. well not everyone is leaving its a total over exageration, it feels like everyones leaving me behind...
shes ill, she might be really ill, they dont know, its horrible not knowing i think if i knew it would help.. but i dunno. i hate not being able to talk about it but i promised and thats one promise im not going to break. not now not ever...
my dad.. i love him so much yet its so hard. its like i want to agree with you because thats what ive grownup believing, daddys always right and now when i do disagree its like, i must be wrong, dad always knows better.. and hes being so harsh i dont know what to do, its like i do a job and its never good enough, never ever.. i know he loves me so much but there is always more that i need to do.... i think in his head i have the ablities of someone who is older... and when i make some stpid mistake he comes down on me like a ton o bricks and i just want to turn and scream at him, im only 15!!! leave me alone im gonna make mistakes and i know as soon as ive made them that its wrong.. but hey i suppose thats what i get for acting older than i am...
well i have so much more i want to say but im really really tired so maybe ill write more another day
love you
X
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