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photos of me through the ages...

Last day of school 10/5/10

So yeah. That's me done then. well not really I still have to go in for 4 exams and a NAB but thats me done with my lessons. Im out of that school, into the big bad world. Am I scared... oh yes! Am I excited.... very much so. I can't believe the day has come around so quickly that I'm finished. But I can't wait to see what the future holds and what the next couple of years have in store for me..

Lets go find out

:)

I love him sooooooooo much!

So today was pretty ace. My aunt, uncle and cousin from Australia are over visiting. It was really good fun, we went for lunchup at the golf club and then went back to ours, played mario kart and then Jamie appeared and we played more mario kart and then David pulled out the triva questions and tbh I think we were doing that for at least an hour and a half... i properly knew like none of them. Anyhoo then we played Cluedo, me and Jamie were in a team and we kicked ass, we won the first round easy! Second round we had the weapon but Uncle J made a guess and won :L

Then after a bit it was late and Jamie had to go home, we didn't go on skype last night, but we lay there chatting on the phone for ages, just talking about life and what were gonna do. It was awesome. I do love him very much, he makes me incredibly happy :D

BTW my friends (From Jamie's band) Aaron and his girlfriend Sammi got engaged yesterday.... it was sooooooo lovely. It was ace, cause everyone except Sammi knew it was going to happen. As I said cute as anything. Well anyway I should probably be going to have some breakfast before I go to school and get my leavers form signed.. (last offical day :()

Love you long time
M
xx

studying?

well I'm at the library on a break from studying.. is't that exciting. I thought i was going to kill myself if i wrote about how Gatsby wasn't going to achieve the American dream again tbh! haha
well just checking the emails and that and then back to work :L

byessie byes

love
M
x

27.04.10

well today was ok I guess.. I discovered that I am going to fail higher english. period.

26.4.10

Today Today Today... well Today was a Monday. I went to school,had my double free where I put all the equipment from Friday away and studied some history...then had a break, then actual history class where the fire alarm went off. I wasn't too impressed, this is the second last lesson we are having with Mr.Deans before the exams and i am a TAD stressed. Then I had music where I did sweet FA which annoyed me a bit cause im not overly confident in that and I know that I could have been doing so much more constructive stuff with my time but I was just doing what I was told.

Then it was lunch, I grabbed some grapes and headed for what has to be the LOUDEST library in the world and I tried to study, however younger people kept coming up to be and asking me questions like "what are you doing?" it was rather irritating.. Then after lunch I had double WWO it was pretty fun, we had to fill out our booklets to say what we did for our fundraising thing and how we went about it, was a tad tricky as only two of us in our group had actually done anything for the event the others had just sat about and done sweet FA.

Annnnnyyywhoooo Big news of the day.. I cut my hair.... like myself. Cut my fringe in so it sits across my face like proper.. haha I don't know if Im going to regret it yet or not, ah well we shall wait and see :)

Well Im actually rather of the sleepness so I shall bid you farewell

Love
M
xx

omg shit has CHANGED!

Well I just went through all of my old posts, bloody hell things have changed, well they have and they haven't, It was interesting to read and how easily all the memory comes flooding back.

I gave J this address today.. I'm now not sure about it because like he picked up on spelling and bits and pieces that tbh shouldn't matter and don't matter. It's not the point of this blog. But still I know he didn't know that but it did hurt a little that I effectively let him inside my head and gets at my spelling :( ahh well, it's not really that important :)

I am a tad worried about if he goes back and reads through all the random shit and how petty I was and the boyfriends of days past and the like, I know he doesn't care but like I dunno it's something I don't like to think of, Jamie with someone else, like a while back he was telling me about his ex and then stopped and the sentence has just been spinning round and round my head ever since, I don't want to know but then again I'm curious, what was life like before he knew me, he says it was crap but how am I supposed to believe that.. I don't know.
Well I suppose I should try and sleep...

M
xx

Just another weekend...

So this weekend I had a great time. On Friday night I had what is known as a McGarryokie Night, it's basically an open mic night where people who are pupils and expupils perform covers and original music and that.. it was a MASSIVE success, we raised £658 for The Institute Of Cardiovascular Research. - we did it for them becuase they deal with heart problems and strokes and one of my best friends has recently got a pace maker, so its all quite close to home.

Saturday, I got up and I studied and studied cause I am a cool kid like that... and my first exam is in less than a month haha... then I went through to Stirling and met up with Jamie (the new boyfriend- well he's not really "new" we've been together for 8 months now) and go to his gig with his band The Colony (who i have now made my personal mission to help get them a following) when I got to the venue, I will admitt I was a tad worried, there was like no p.a kit, the lights didn't work cause there had been flooding and stuff, plus the other bands were a little bit.. i dunno none of us got a good feeling from them. Then we went for subway - yay! and then back to the venue for doors... no one pitched up... then at like 20 past most of Jamie's mates pitched up and it started getting really fun. The rest of the evening just got more and more enjoyable and because we were all a little tiddled and we were all mates with The Colony we were all rather excitable when they came on, and regardless of the poor sound quality and the fact pete (the singer) counldnt hear himself so was rather flat it was probably the most fun I have had at a gig in a long time, and as much as I didn't really like the style of music the boys played last time I went to one of their gigs this time generally the actual music was so much more to my taste which was awesome, becuase tbh Im not gonna say it was amazing and I loved it if I didn't but I did and I had a great time. Unfortunatly after the gig was over and we'd been to a pub for a couple of drinks then decided to go to a nightclub I didn't get in becuase the bouncer unfortunatly could actually count up to 18, knew I was only 17 so me and Jamie went home and went to bed..

Today was pretty good, woke up, was handed toast, got up and bought cake, went for a nice walk and then got the bus home, had waffles for lunch, studied for the majority of the afternoon and then watched Doc.Who (OMG I WANT THE NEXT EPISODE NOW!!!) and then studied some more, then "rediscovered my internet identity" which was nice haha
hence the blogging.. Im going to try and keep it up for the majority of summer if I can.

Well night (:

M
xxx

well hey there....

So yeah, it'sbeenrather a long time since i've written here and I know I said I was done completely, but it doesnt hurt to check in every once in a while.. right?

So yeah, Life...its pretty busy atm, generally with highers being about a month away and having a joba nd a boyfriend and what not. you begin to lose track of where you are and what you want to do.

I want to be able to live for the moment, wake up and decide i want to do something/go somewhere and then just do it. no need to think of anything else-just go with your insticts and do what feels right for you right then.

that it what i wish for.

hmm

Its been two years. Feels like it was only yesterday i was being told the news. I cant believe it. I managed not to cry, i guess im getting numb to the feeling. either that or maybe i am just getting over it. I dunno.
But anyway, its that time of year again. and i couldnt go and visit him because i had to go to PYO :(

xxxx

CV and things and stuff

Personal profile:

Adaptable and ambitious with effective organisation skills keen to take on the daily challenges and rewards of working. Enjoys Arranging meetings or events and able to exercise good judgement and sound reasoning. An effective team worker with excellent interpersonal and communication skills and the to organise and motivate staff.

Interests & Hobbies and other relevant information

I am involved in many activities within school and the local community. I have been a member of the school Netball team for the last three years and have been Captain for the past season, I have also been a member of the school Hockey team and through that I have achieved a UKCC level 1 coaching award. I have been on three school ski trips and achieved level 3 ESP international skier qualification. I enjoy acting, singing and being involved in the technical side of theatre, as a result of this I have been in two school shows and a one act play and was a member of the Perth Youth Theatre company for two years. I spend a lot of my time on my music and have achieved my Grade 5 violin and Grade 2 Music Theory, both Associated Board of the Royal Schools of Music. I have also recently been successful in auditioning for the Perth Youth Orchestra. I am also a member of the school choir and school String group who have both competed in Perform in Perth. I also enjoy reading, going to live music, swimming and writing. I have a good knowledge of computer skills including word and excel.

I have basic French skills. I was a member of the school pupil council for a year.

personal statement

Every little girl wants to become a pop star and see themselves on MTV or Top of the pops. Instead I have always been fascinated by the way that the technical crew and management worked.

Ever since I was young I have always been drawn to the music industry. When I was five my parents bought me my first violin and I started lessons soon after. Then when I was nine my parents renovated an old hay loft and cattle shed on the farm we lived on into a music venue. I remember going to my first live gig and being in complete awe at the confidence and skill that the performers seemed to have and the way that the backstage crew could work together, sometimes without even speaking and create an appropriate atmosphere for their performer to work in. From then I have never looked back.

Meeting so many different members of the music industry throughout my childhood has inspired me, not to be in a band and be famous, but be the person behind the famous face, to go out and find the talent and make them into the next big thing. I have good organisation skills that I have developed through my work at Quake Central Sounds as a stage manager and through my involvement with school productions and events. I love to know that I'm the one behind the scenes making everything run smoothly. I have tried my hand at performing and have been involved in school shows and theatre productions. I also have had to do presentations and talks at year and house assemblies so I have the confidence to stand in front of a large group of people and perform or speak and get my message across in a simple yet effective way.

To think that I will be out in the workplace dealing with problems and overcoming difficulties appeals to me. I am a strong team leader but can also take direction and appreciate other peoples opinions. Through my work in The Meikle Restaurant at Crieff Hydro I have learnt how to deal with difficult customers and make them feel at ease.

I love to learn new things and I take every opportunity I can. I have been on many school trips both within Scotland and abroad. My experience on the French Exchange gave me a glimpse into a different culture and made me more confident about being somewhere I'm not familiar with and only have a basic understanding of the language. I always aim to be the best, I don't ever settle for “second best” or “scraping through,” because of this I have developed a very good work ethic, in my studies and in the workplace.

Overall I'm an enthusiastic student who wants to be the best that I can possibly be. I am an effective team worker and I know that I have the qualities, attitude, skills and qualifications to be an asset to your team and I look forward to discovering what I can do for you.

yeah.. i know

Well its the summer again, and i'm working a ridiculous amount... again. Next week im doing a 6 day week with my day off being spent hanging out with my mate Adam who im helping out with his sound company (: But yes, ive taken up writing, like properly... i'm trying to write a book... its not very good and im only on chapter 4 and im not really sure where i want the story to go. well i know the beginning and the ending, its just the bit in the middle that is the problem :L well here is the first chapter... and i if anyone stumbles across this, please do comment, i would love to know what you think, it is only the first draft and all but yeah...

Love
M
x

The day started like any other. I woke up. I got up. I looked out the window to see the familiar and comforting view of the train station. I remember seeing the 7:15 to Glasgow, the same as every other day. I looked around the room. It was empty except for a single bed and a small black briefcase. All of the rooms in the flat were the same, all empty except for a few essential pieces of furniture, it had been a few years since I had last over-indulged. Picking up the briefcase and taking one final look around the room I walked out of the door, closing it quietly behind me.

I should introduce myself, my name is Rupert Alexander-Murray. I've lived in Edinburgh my entire life, and although my parents put me through the best education available, nothing would prepare me for what I've got myself involved in. I started working for The Company when I was 16, it's kind of a family tradition, of course my parents didn't know anything about it. I'm sure they would have put a stop to it as soon as they found out. The parents are like that though. They are “respected members of the community.” Daddy dearest is a lawyer at some top firm in the U.K and Julie, well she, I think the official term is, a trophy wife. Dad has had quite a few wives since mum died giving birth to me. Jooles is wife number five I think. She's fine. A good laugh, more like a good mate than a step-mother. That might have something to do with the fact that she's only 2 years older than me. I'm 21 these days, just so you know. I moved out of the family town house the minute I turned 18, I couldn't stand the elitism that went on. It was suffocating. I moved into my flat, it's a small one bedroom deal, I only have the bare minimum there, I'm hardly there anyway, so I didn't see the point.

I have two brothers and one sister, all older than me, all who work for The Company, as I said it's kind of a family tradition. Hugo got involved first, apparently he was “chosen” at Fettes to do this programme thing and that ended in a job with The Company, the others just followed by example, we all got involved in different ways but it all lead to the same thing.

I started on my sixteenth birthday with Pip giving me a present, it wasn't much, just an envelope with a card in it saying, “Happy Birthday Roo love P.” I obviously wasn't too impressed, it's my sixteenth birthday and all, and this is Pip, every other birthday or Christmas she would take Dad's credit card and buy us all expensive and elaborate presents so I was a bit suspicious of this single card birthday gift thing she had going on. On closer inspection of the card I noticed something a little bit weird, you know the bit on the back, where they put the logo and name of the company that makes the card, well this card just had a white circle in a black square and under it was written “The company, join us Rupert.” and then some website. This obviously confused the hell out of me. I had two choices, I could interrogate Pip about it, or go on the website on the back of the card.

I started with the website, cause I knew Pip wouldn't tell me anything unless I begged (and I wasn't going to give her that satisfaction) so I headed straight for my computer and brought up the site. It was for the programme thing that Hugo was on when he was 15. An all singing, all dancing cadets course. Seemed pretty cool, but I didn't see how that linked to the card that I was given. Then I saw a button that said “Join us” I clicked it and it brought me to a page that I had to put in my last name. So, purely out of curiosity, I typed in “Alexander-Murray” and clicked “submit.” The next bit caught me completely off guard, I should have suspected it, but I guess I just thought it was some kind of coincidence that the card had my name on it. I sat, staring at the screen and for a split second I was sure I was seeing things. In the top left hand corner was The Company logo and under that was a box had the six words that would change my life forever. “Hello Rupert, Welcome to The Company.”

goodbye.

Its ridiculous... I made my blog so that I could write what I thought and not worry about people finding out what I thought or how I felt... now I can't say anything anymore... I have to filter it. Because as much as I trust everyone that reads my blog. I really can't say some of the things I want to say. And before you all go and freak out and think that you've done something to annoy/ upset me. I want to tell you this, the world does not revolve around you. This is my blog, here the world revolves around me. And this stuff is purely me. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else for that matter, ok thats a lie, it is to do with other people. But its not things I want to share but I need to get out of my system and putting things on my blog, so I could see the words and know that they are finally out, thats when I know I don't need to think about them anymore but no. I can't even have that anymore.. I guess before it was ok, because I was using my blog to talk to you, without talking to you.. and that is all well and good. But there are things I don't want to tell everyone about but I need to figure out in my mind.. for various reasons, you worry, you don't approve, you judge. Whatever the reason, I don't want you to read it. And that is the only thing that it is. And I don't want texts, or emails, or phone calls asking if i'm ok, and I know that you will all discuss this amongst yourself, knock yourselves out tbh I'm past caring. I stopped caring a long time ago. Say what you want, speculate all you want. This is my story and i'm keeping it. The fact that my space is no longer my space.. is irrelevent. I have to keep my secrets, everyone has secrets. Just some people display them more publicly than others.. but everyone has something they havent told anyone, something that is purely theirs and that is all I want. And its not that I dont trust you, or I don't love you or whatever the hell you are going to think up to make it seem like it has something to do with you. NOT EVERYTHING IS TO DO WITH YOU! Seriously get over yourself. Tbh I'm fed up with every situation no matter who its about returns to have something to do with you. And thats another thing. I feel that I can't write things that I want to blog about because it will upset people... the whole point of this bloody thing was so that I didn't upset people but still got to channel my thoughts.. I should never told anyone about it. I'm such an idiot.

So in conclusion this will be my last post for a while, if not forever. This blog was good for what I wanted it for until it lost its purpose and I had to start thinking about what I wrote. Then it failed because that was the point. I don't need to think, I can just write and get all the messed up thoughts out of my head and onto my blog.

Goodbye

Much love
M
x

Small things affect people in big ways. Small things that wouldn’t mean anything to some people can mean the world to another. It’s like when a person who loves you smiles at you, it’s nothing special, yet feels utterly magical. Some say that it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But in the time after love is lost you can feel as if you never wanted it in the first place.

15.02.09

hello fair blog readers.
how are we all... bet you dont feel as shite as me because i do feel truely crappy :)
i appear to have some form of flu..

so i am going to go to sleep
xxxxxxxxxx

why i havent been about for a while...

31st Janurary 2009

Well i'm sure your all dying to know the inside scoop on what has been going on with me and stu this last week.. so i thought i would use this quiet moment to let you in on the secret. The words you read should not be spoken of, to me or to anyone else... apart from each other if you feel like anlaysing... what am i saying... your gonna talk to me about it anyway... :L

But yes.. Master Roger and our fucked up relationship.
As you know we've got pretty close lately and then on sunday he kinda told me that he still felt attracted to me. Its messed up and then we were totally flirting and stuff and we were on msn and we got into, not a fight exactly, more of a i got upset type of thing. but yeah hence why i was upset on Thursday, i felt bad for letting us get too close but i didnt want to talk to stu because i knew that i wasnt going to like what he was going to say and then that just made it worse.. but yeah and then he told me i was being silly and we can just be us, not complicated at all ... and then i made (what i felt was) the valid point of we are never going to be simple.. but yeah. so thats the deal. you may now conferr and get back to me on how much of a bad person i am for pretty mcuh encouraging a guy to cheat on his girlfriend etc and yeah.

Love M
xx

its been a while... .

heya.
Well i know its been a while, but i was christmas and new year and then ski trip and all and then i got back to school and i've been so busy its unreal. But yeah. Quite a bit has happened.. but tbh im too tired and i cant really be bothered to reel off all the stuff that happened so that no one can read it.

Main things..
People don't appreciate the truth. i get that now. and so i shall stop telling people what i think becuase if its going to hurt them then there really is no point.

School is fucking stressful man! why does everyhting have to be done and learnt all at the same time. its totally unreasonable... and ive decided that anyone who can coast their standard grades is obviously a fecking genius... becuase there is no way i am going to get the results i want/need without putting in so much hard work but hey thats life i suppose.

but yeah i cant be bothered to write anymore..
but one last thing.
Burger i love you. you are so special to me. and no more nasty thoughts about me not loving you as much as i should.

ILY
xxxx
<3