Well i'm sure your all dying to know the inside scoop on what has been going on with me and stu this last week.. so i thought i would use this quiet moment to let you in on the secret. The words you read should not be spoken of, to me or to anyone else... apart from each other if you feel like anlaysing... what am i saying... your gonna talk to me about it anyway... :L
But yes.. Master Roger and our fucked up relationship.
As you know we've got pretty close lately and then on sunday he kinda told me that he still felt attracted to me. Its messed up and then we were totally flirting and stuff and we were on msn and we got into, not a fight exactly, more of a i got upset type of thing. but yeah hence why i was upset on Thursday, i felt bad for letting us get too close but i didnt want to talk to stu because i knew that i wasnt going to like what he was going to say and then that just made it worse.. but yeah and then he told me i was being silly and we can just be us, not complicated at all ... and then i made (what i felt was) the valid point of we are never going to be simple.. but yeah. so thats the deal. you may now conferr and get back to me on how much of a bad person i am for pretty mcuh encouraging a guy to cheat on his girlfriend etc and yeah.
Love M
xx
Saturday, 31 January 2009
Sunday, 25 January 2009
its been a while... .
heya.
Well i know its been a while, but i was christmas and new year and then ski trip and all and then i got back to school and i've been so busy its unreal. But yeah. Quite a bit has happened.. but tbh im too tired and i cant really be bothered to reel off all the stuff that happened so that no one can read it.
Main things..
People don't appreciate the truth. i get that now. and so i shall stop telling people what i think becuase if its going to hurt them then there really is no point.
School is fucking stressful man! why does everyhting have to be done and learnt all at the same time. its totally unreasonable... and ive decided that anyone who can coast their standard grades is obviously a fecking genius... becuase there is no way i am going to get the results i want/need without putting in so much hard work but hey thats life i suppose.
but yeah i cant be bothered to write anymore..
but one last thing.
Burger i love you. you are so special to me. and no more nasty thoughts about me not loving you as much as i should.
ILY
xxxx
<3
Well i know its been a while, but i was christmas and new year and then ski trip and all and then i got back to school and i've been so busy its unreal. But yeah. Quite a bit has happened.. but tbh im too tired and i cant really be bothered to reel off all the stuff that happened so that no one can read it.
Main things..
People don't appreciate the truth. i get that now. and so i shall stop telling people what i think becuase if its going to hurt them then there really is no point.
School is fucking stressful man! why does everyhting have to be done and learnt all at the same time. its totally unreasonable... and ive decided that anyone who can coast their standard grades is obviously a fecking genius... becuase there is no way i am going to get the results i want/need without putting in so much hard work but hey thats life i suppose.
but yeah i cant be bothered to write anymore..
but one last thing.
Burger i love you. you are so special to me. and no more nasty thoughts about me not loving you as much as i should.
ILY
xxxx
<3
Saturday, 10 January 2009
10.01.09
Well i'm back.
France was amazing..
I met some wonderful people to start the new year off to, which was awesome!
i shall name as many as i can.
Alex (little legs) - Cute as likes, he was working as a waiter at the hotel we were staying at (ok everyone but one is someone who works at the hotel) and he was dead lovely! he sang with me at the karaoke! :)
Jayde- lovelyful barmaid.. just sat and chatted to her quite a bit, lovely lovely person.. and reminded me alot of flo :L
Duncan - the other bar guy... man does this guy make a nice cocktail ;) and hes not too bad looking either, hes from newtonmore and an actual babe! you can sit and talk to him for aggers and it doesnt seem like that long :L
Adam - the ski tech. really nice.. he was ill though :(
Jack - a guy from the "other" school he was the only one that seemed to be like us, the rest were a bit posh for me tbh
thats the people i dont think ill forget but there was also Jo, Eugean, Rachel and Hans.. they are all ace and all made my ski trip so wonderfully awesome! +D
France was amazing..
I met some wonderful people to start the new year off to, which was awesome!
i shall name as many as i can.
Alex (little legs) - Cute as likes, he was working as a waiter at the hotel we were staying at (ok everyone but one is someone who works at the hotel) and he was dead lovely! he sang with me at the karaoke! :)
Jayde- lovelyful barmaid.. just sat and chatted to her quite a bit, lovely lovely person.. and reminded me alot of flo :L
Duncan - the other bar guy... man does this guy make a nice cocktail ;) and hes not too bad looking either, hes from newtonmore and an actual babe! you can sit and talk to him for aggers and it doesnt seem like that long :L
Adam - the ski tech. really nice.. he was ill though :(
Jack - a guy from the "other" school he was the only one that seemed to be like us, the rest were a bit posh for me tbh
thats the people i dont think ill forget but there was also Jo, Eugean, Rachel and Hans.. they are all ace and all made my ski trip so wonderfully awesome! +D
Sunday, 4 January 2009
To my dearest Kierann cuzzy ;)
Heya babe...
Tis your birthday today ain't it :L
well this is the beginning of the 2 months and 13 days where we're the same age.... make the most of it ;)
I just want to say Thank you. For making my christmas holidays so much fun, you were there for silly times and serious times and it means a lot. it really really does :)
I know that we say were family, but i have to say your a friend before your family.
What i said before, i meant it. She's a lucky girl. and i somehow don't think she realises quite how lucky she is.
You may live what feels like a milllion miles away but your always close lovely :)
True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side
"Of all the door’s I have gone through in life, none was more inviting, welcoming and heartfilled than the one that led me to you..... shame i hit my head on the way up though....."
Means a lot that your in my life these days and i plan to make you stay for quite a while my dearest...
But yes... i hope you have a very happy birthday and don't do anything that i wouldn't do.... :/ ok scratch that... do whatever the hell you like becuase tbh you'd do it anyway :P
Love you lots and lots babe...
Em-Em
p.s Millie is cooler than Kieran! - FACT!!!!
<3
Tis your birthday today ain't it :L
well this is the beginning of the 2 months and 13 days where we're the same age.... make the most of it ;)
I just want to say Thank you. For making my christmas holidays so much fun, you were there for silly times and serious times and it means a lot. it really really does :)
I know that we say were family, but i have to say your a friend before your family.
What i said before, i meant it. She's a lucky girl. and i somehow don't think she realises quite how lucky she is.
You may live what feels like a milllion miles away but your always close lovely :)
True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side
"Of all the door’s I have gone through in life, none was more inviting, welcoming and heartfilled than the one that led me to you..... shame i hit my head on the way up though....."
Means a lot that your in my life these days and i plan to make you stay for quite a while my dearest...
But yes... i hope you have a very happy birthday and don't do anything that i wouldn't do.... :/ ok scratch that... do whatever the hell you like becuase tbh you'd do it anyway :P
Love you lots and lots babe...
Em-Em
p.s Millie is cooler than Kieran! - FACT!!!!
<3
Saturday, 3 January 2009
Friday, 2 January 2009
Thursday, 1 January 2009
=[
i hate it when people are angry with me... esp when its not my fault..
and i hate it when people take the piss, when its obv they've gone to far.
meh
ski trip tomorrow. ... yay
x
and i hate it when people take the piss, when its obv they've gone to far.
meh
ski trip tomorrow. ... yay
x
Friday, 26 December 2008
=]
heya guys.. hows everyone ?
well it was christmas yesterday... its that nice.. i had a really good time +D
SM's family are actually really soudn.. i was a bit worried about meeting them all and that, because like they all know each other so well and i well... dont.
but yeah christmas was really fun and all that jazz.. just thought i'd check in and all ;)
but yeah my new cousin that i inherited when the rents got married.. Kieran (from now on K) he's really nice... we've stayed up really late at night just talking about life and stuff and he can totally deal with me crying and shit which is awesome +D
he really made my christmas.. i totally mis everyone and hes there to talk to and stoof
its ace +D
well gotta fly
talk later
xxxxxx
well it was christmas yesterday... its that nice.. i had a really good time +D
SM's family are actually really soudn.. i was a bit worried about meeting them all and that, because like they all know each other so well and i well... dont.
but yeah christmas was really fun and all that jazz.. just thought i'd check in and all ;)
but yeah my new cousin that i inherited when the rents got married.. Kieran (from now on K) he's really nice... we've stayed up really late at night just talking about life and stuff and he can totally deal with me crying and shit which is awesome +D
he really made my christmas.. i totally mis everyone and hes there to talk to and stoof
its ace +D
well gotta fly
talk later
xxxxxx
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
23.12.08
sorry i havent written in a while, but tbhi couldnt be bothered...
but yeah i was talking to some of my family (on my step mum's side :L its awfy confusing)
but yeah and Becky (my stepmums sister) and Mark (stepmums cousin) said something that really got me thinking.. they were talking about something that happened to my stepmum that i appear to know ardly anything about.. which i thought i knew quite alot about but anyway...
yeah they were just talking about how its not what bullshit you are put through, its how you deal with it that makes you who you are... then becky made a comment about how it was the first time she had seen me actually sit up and listen and absorb what someone was saying but it was kind of relevent, i was just thinking of all the bull that ive been through in the last couple of years and it was all really relevent and that.. and i was just sitting listening. and i dunno.. i just wanted to cry, if i think of all the things that have happened.. not just to me but to my friends its crazy shit.. and yeah i was just thinking about it... and yeah...
but yeah i was talking to some of my family (on my step mum's side :L its awfy confusing)
but yeah and Becky (my stepmums sister) and Mark (stepmums cousin) said something that really got me thinking.. they were talking about something that happened to my stepmum that i appear to know ardly anything about.. which i thought i knew quite alot about but anyway...
yeah they were just talking about how its not what bullshit you are put through, its how you deal with it that makes you who you are... then becky made a comment about how it was the first time she had seen me actually sit up and listen and absorb what someone was saying but it was kind of relevent, i was just thinking of all the bull that ive been through in the last couple of years and it was all really relevent and that.. and i was just sitting listening. and i dunno.. i just wanted to cry, if i think of all the things that have happened.. not just to me but to my friends its crazy shit.. and yeah i was just thinking about it... and yeah...
Sunday, 14 December 2008
14.12.08
heya.
Well this weekends been a bit exciting hasnt it... :L
not really just really, really busy... meh
I was working, first christmas party i've done of the season .
i started work at 10:30am on saturday and didnt get away until 1:45am sunday... was a leetle tired, to say the least.. :L
meh
Cant be bothered to write..
toodles .
xx
Well this weekends been a bit exciting hasnt it... :L
not really just really, really busy... meh
I was working, first christmas party i've done of the season .
i started work at 10:30am on saturday and didnt get away until 1:45am sunday... was a leetle tired, to say the least.. :L
meh
Cant be bothered to write..
toodles .
xx
Friday, 12 December 2008
what about now?
What the hell?!
this has all got totally confused and fucked up?!
i try and help my friend because if im perfectly honest he needs it because everyone is running around trying to make Gem feel better, but has anyone actually stopped and thought about how he might be feeling? no, didnt think so. and yeah before you go on about it, i know hes the one that dumped her but ive had to dump guys in the past and you feel like fucking shite after, and if no ones noticed hes been wasted every weekend since.. hmm no one realised, didnt think so.
maybe its just me that thinks this way becuase as soon as i start to spend a little time with him and try and talk to him and help him with his problems (OMG! i know a teenage boy that has problems, crazy stuff that.. he doesnt understand girls?! no! -cant you just feel the sarcasim-) i get asked if im secretly dating him, for christ sake, he's one of my best mates ex boyfriends of like 2 weeks ago why the hell would i do that to her??! after sitting with her the other night and sitting up til like 2 am talking about it we're ex's it didnt work last time, why would it work this time?
and yeah maybe shes upset and scared and stuff and yeah thats understandable but excuse me, i have shit going on too, ive been in tears for the last couple of days and feeling completely shit, and i dont know why, but has that made me accuse my so called best mates of backstabbing and lying and being a shit friend.. amazingly no!
im so pissed of because we all have shit going on and its not fair, i hate making people upset and i could tell by her blog that she was on the verge of hating me forever. and all over wanting to be friends with my ex. maybe being mates with him isnt such a good idea. i should probs mention it to him, go back to the shit way it was before when he would hardly talk to me.. yay.
meh
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
this has all got totally confused and fucked up?!
i try and help my friend because if im perfectly honest he needs it because everyone is running around trying to make Gem feel better, but has anyone actually stopped and thought about how he might be feeling? no, didnt think so. and yeah before you go on about it, i know hes the one that dumped her but ive had to dump guys in the past and you feel like fucking shite after, and if no ones noticed hes been wasted every weekend since.. hmm no one realised, didnt think so.
maybe its just me that thinks this way becuase as soon as i start to spend a little time with him and try and talk to him and help him with his problems (OMG! i know a teenage boy that has problems, crazy stuff that.. he doesnt understand girls?! no! -cant you just feel the sarcasim-) i get asked if im secretly dating him, for christ sake, he's one of my best mates ex boyfriends of like 2 weeks ago why the hell would i do that to her??! after sitting with her the other night and sitting up til like 2 am talking about it we're ex's it didnt work last time, why would it work this time?
and yeah maybe shes upset and scared and stuff and yeah thats understandable but excuse me, i have shit going on too, ive been in tears for the last couple of days and feeling completely shit, and i dont know why, but has that made me accuse my so called best mates of backstabbing and lying and being a shit friend.. amazingly no!
im so pissed of because we all have shit going on and its not fair, i hate making people upset and i could tell by her blog that she was on the verge of hating me forever. and all over wanting to be friends with my ex. maybe being mates with him isnt such a good idea. i should probs mention it to him, go back to the shit way it was before when he would hardly talk to me.. yay.
meh
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thursday, 11 December 2008
11.12.08
i hate my violin
i hate school
i hate boys
i hate theories
i hate art essays
i hate,
i hate,
i hate.
it always seems to be i hate with me..
im actually a nervous wreck at the moment
i dont get anything right
i'm totally stressing over stupid things that arent needed
and then there is the stuff thats important and the people that are important and its like im always missing them out...
and then i stress more because im missing them out
and the circle beings again..
meh
x
i hate school
i hate boys
i hate theories
i hate art essays
i hate,
i hate,
i hate.
it always seems to be i hate with me..
im actually a nervous wreck at the moment
i dont get anything right
i'm totally stressing over stupid things that arent needed
and then there is the stuff thats important and the people that are important and its like im always missing them out...
and then i stress more because im missing them out
and the circle beings again..
meh
x
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
blah blah blah
ey up.
well i'm having a loverly day i am.. its really boring actually, imma just in art, im supposed to be writing a critical about poster designers, but tbqh i really cant be bother atm, i just cant think just now. ach wells..
but yeah dont really know what to say..
Favourite song of the moment... speeding cars by imogen heap...
Here's the day you hoped would never come
don't feed me violins just run
with me
through rows of speeding cars
the paper cuts the cheating lovers
the coffees never strong enough
i know you think its more than just bad luck
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie
never far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this...
now's a bad a time as any
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
love it!
Much love
M
xx
well i'm having a loverly day i am.. its really boring actually, imma just in art, im supposed to be writing a critical about poster designers, but tbqh i really cant be bother atm, i just cant think just now. ach wells..
but yeah dont really know what to say..
Favourite song of the moment... speeding cars by imogen heap...
Here's the day you hoped would never come
don't feed me violins just run
with me
through rows of speeding cars
the paper cuts the cheating lovers
the coffees never strong enough
i know you think its more than just bad luck
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie
never far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this...
now's a bad a time as any
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
love it!
Much love
M
xx
Monday, 8 December 2008
08.12.08
*nod*
hey guys
how are you?
i've had a leetle bit of a busy weekend have i..
It started on friday when i stayed at MidgetGems, then got up saturday morning and went shopping in stirling, then the pantomime then to jimmy chungs for tea, then to Katts house for a party then T came and stayed at mine and then on sunday i went to pizza hut and the cinema.. i woke up this morning feeling more tired than i was when i left for gems on friday :L lol
ach wells
was all funsies :)
Much love
M
xxx
hey guys
how are you?
i've had a leetle bit of a busy weekend have i..
It started on friday when i stayed at MidgetGems, then got up saturday morning and went shopping in stirling, then the pantomime then to jimmy chungs for tea, then to Katts house for a party then T came and stayed at mine and then on sunday i went to pizza hut and the cinema.. i woke up this morning feeling more tired than i was when i left for gems on friday :L lol
ach wells
was all funsies :)
Much love
M
xxx
Friday, 5 December 2008
5.12.08
hello there my lovelys
sorry i havent posted in a couple of days ive just been so tired, its ridiculous..
well this evening i'm stayinga t my wonderful friend migetgems, this is because
1) i love her to bits
and
2) my younger sister is having a birthday party which involves her and 5 other 12 year old girls running around my house and gems is so calming in comparison even with her annoying 7 year old brother :P
ach wells
OH yeah i forgot, im writing a lyrics for a song for my friend, and ex MM's invention... i love him to bits i do :) and i really want to help becuase i know that as well as doing this for his school work he needs to work some stuff out in his head aswell
i hope i help.... :S
well thats all really... oh and i watched FAME for the first time today, it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
much love
M
xxx
sorry i havent posted in a couple of days ive just been so tired, its ridiculous..
well this evening i'm stayinga t my wonderful friend migetgems, this is because
1) i love her to bits
and
2) my younger sister is having a birthday party which involves her and 5 other 12 year old girls running around my house and gems is so calming in comparison even with her annoying 7 year old brother :P
ach wells
OH yeah i forgot, im writing a lyrics for a song for my friend, and ex MM's invention... i love him to bits i do :) and i really want to help becuase i know that as well as doing this for his school work he needs to work some stuff out in his head aswell
i hope i help.... :S
well thats all really... oh and i watched FAME for the first time today, it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
much love
M
xxx
Tuesday, 2 December 2008
02.12.08
oi oi oi, hows you all going?
well i've had some FABBYYYY news today :D:D:D:D:D
My friend who i thought might have had cancer, DOESNT!!!!!!!!!!! XDXD
i'm so happy :) i was so worriedful and now i dont need to worry about scary things like her dying or being uber ill or anything..
YAY!
well ski trip blog totally offically set up :)
woop woop
lol
i really cant think of anything to write :L
MUCH LOVE
M
xxxxxxxxx
well i've had some FABBYYYY news today :D:D:D:D:D
My friend who i thought might have had cancer, DOESNT!!!!!!!!!!! XDXD
i'm so happy :) i was so worriedful and now i dont need to worry about scary things like her dying or being uber ill or anything..
YAY!
well ski trip blog totally offically set up :)
woop woop
lol
i really cant think of anything to write :L
MUCH LOVE
M
xxxxxxxxx
Sunday, 30 November 2008
Friday, 28 November 2008
28.11.08
hey hey hey
well its the younger siblings birthday today.... joyeous, shes just turned 12, i reamember my 12th birthday, it was insane, because my dadd owns a music venue and this DJ guy owed him a favour, i had a proper full out disco thing for my 12th there was about 50 people there and i had an amazing night, it was soooo mcuh fun XD
but she got a mobile phone, ooo funsies :L shes been waiting to get one since, well i got one really....
but yeah, imma off school today because im on study leave, only got one more exam to go and then im free until next may... i think i failed a couple... ok maths but yeah :L
i'm currently at my dads house, totally stressing about christmas, i've writen my dad a song and i was going to record it and give it to him on cd, but my stepmum says that i should perform it on christmas and now im stressing laaks..
oh happy st.andrews day btw :)
tis all for now
much love
xxxxxxx
well its the younger siblings birthday today.... joyeous, shes just turned 12, i reamember my 12th birthday, it was insane, because my dadd owns a music venue and this DJ guy owed him a favour, i had a proper full out disco thing for my 12th there was about 50 people there and i had an amazing night, it was soooo mcuh fun XD
but she got a mobile phone, ooo funsies :L shes been waiting to get one since, well i got one really....
but yeah, imma off school today because im on study leave, only got one more exam to go and then im free until next may... i think i failed a couple... ok maths but yeah :L
i'm currently at my dads house, totally stressing about christmas, i've writen my dad a song and i was going to record it and give it to him on cd, but my stepmum says that i should perform it on christmas and now im stressing laaks..
oh happy st.andrews day btw :)
tis all for now
much love
xxxxxxx
Monday, 24 November 2008
sorry... :S
Heya Sorry i havent posted in a while (well on my standards, i have been checking blogger just havent had the energy to actually sit and type something out...ach wells) So yeah, im currently half way through my forth year prelims which i have to say is awesome! - not. it actually sucks, it means im at school at really random times and i don't get to see my friends, plus we just had inservice days and i went to visit my Dad which was good fun, and that leads to inevitably talking about the gig i went to on Friday (which was amzing btw) and talking about the little (ok minor understatment) argument i had with T at it. Ok the band are Twin Atlantic from glasgow and they are really really good, and such lovely guys as well, i ended up spending most of the afternoon on friday talking to them and watching them sound check.. but yeah check 'em out -
But yeah at the gig... Well i was working the door because it was the only way my dad was going to let me off the hook for not working in the resturant.... meh and then T and that arrive and i was all sweet, but then i saw T and it was pretty obvious she was pissed, which annoyed me a bit but i was like whatever, yeah and then this guy i know called J and he was really really drunk, Twin are his favourite band and everything but then the bouncer scottie chucked him out and T went with him, i had a bit of an argument with her, telling her not to go and then she left with him in a taxi while i was talking to a different friend of mine, so yeah shes left with this guy, who is very drunk and has a rep of being a slag, shes 14 and that so me, im worried t'hell what if something happens what if she regrets it etc etc so i try and phone her a couple of times and she doesnt answer, not the best sign so yeah i'm pissed off then i get a text on saturday NIGHT asking if i can apologise to my dad for her, and stuff and its like EXCUSE ME! WHAT ABOUT ME BITCH EVER THOUGHT I COULD HAVE BEEN UPSET ABOUT THIS! so yeah she obviously didnt take my thoughts into concideration and then she text me sayin sorry and shit and i was just like, you need to learn to take the consquences for what youve done and i wont believe your sorry until i know you really mean it, i got back a reply that had my text copied out and then a hyphen and i dont believe it, lol im at J house watching Kung Fu Panda... ok who actually does that, they totally disregard someones feeling and go on to talk about what fucking movie they are watching with the guy that they left the night before with... hmm so not a happy millie, Then last night i get a phonecall, it T shes in tears, she cant believe what she did, shes so stupid she shouldve have done it, blah blah blah blah blah tbh because yeah i think she thinks she means it but its like, hang on this is happened before, but last time it was with my brother, love you need to get yourself sorted out, this is still my turf, it doesnt matter how much attention your getting from them, i was born here i grew up here and i introduced you to these people, you need to think about it. AHHH!! i dont know what to do likes because today i was refusing to speack to her and i came out of my graphics exam and she was there and she was all BABE how are you? giving me a hug and its like for fuck sake i cant be dealing with that, just piss off because you cant expect after one teary phonecall that everything is going to magic itself better, these things take time, and tbqh i need time to decide if she deserves to be forgiven becuase like the more i write about it the more pathetic it seems me being so annoyed but then i remember quite how crap i felt when i realised she had left with him and there was absolutly nothing i could do about it, i guess its one of those times when i love someone so much and care about them so much that when they go and do something stupid i worry a hell of a lot and then im angry because its like they dont appear to give a damn about me. and it really doesnt matter what she says atm its all looking like an atempt to make me forgive her, which isnt going to happen for a while, and the thing is that it kills me to ignore her, i love her to bits and dont want to ignore her but i really dont want to talk to her either becuase its like, what the helll am i suppsoed to say, i let her have her piece, i let her explain herslef but her excuses just werent working for me, and maybe your thinking im a total bitch but hey i dont know why im so angry for such a petty thing that doesnt really involve me but i am, so i will be, its the kinda person i am. And its like i have other reasons to be angry i get the feeling that she usually only shows she loves me when she wants to do something or wants something of mine, she had my straigtners for over a week, and no i dont mind but it sucks when you go to use them and rememeber they arent there, and its stupid stuff like on THursday night, we were recording this song that i've written for my dad for christmas and then we went up to talk to my step-mum for a wee bit and i was like, shall we go back down and do some more and she was all nahh im tired lets just leave it and go to bed and then she procceds to be all chatty and shit when we are in bed, and its like if you were tired you wouldnt be sitting talking at me!! AHHHHHHHHHHH! but yeah, frustration out of the way. i'm sorry that you just wasted that amount of time reading that pathetic blog about pathetic stuff, but yeah..
much love
M
p.s going into art tomorrow, gonna spend the day painting and sketching YAY! :)
But yeah at the gig... Well i was working the door because it was the only way my dad was going to let me off the hook for not working in the resturant.... meh and then T and that arrive and i was all sweet, but then i saw T and it was pretty obvious she was pissed, which annoyed me a bit but i was like whatever, yeah and then this guy i know called J and he was really really drunk, Twin are his favourite band and everything but then the bouncer scottie chucked him out and T went with him, i had a bit of an argument with her, telling her not to go and then she left with him in a taxi while i was talking to a different friend of mine, so yeah shes left with this guy, who is very drunk and has a rep of being a slag, shes 14 and that so me, im worried t'hell what if something happens what if she regrets it etc etc so i try and phone her a couple of times and she doesnt answer, not the best sign so yeah i'm pissed off then i get a text on saturday NIGHT asking if i can apologise to my dad for her, and stuff and its like EXCUSE ME! WHAT ABOUT ME BITCH EVER THOUGHT I COULD HAVE BEEN UPSET ABOUT THIS! so yeah she obviously didnt take my thoughts into concideration and then she text me sayin sorry and shit and i was just like, you need to learn to take the consquences for what youve done and i wont believe your sorry until i know you really mean it, i got back a reply that had my text copied out and then a hyphen and i dont believe it, lol im at J house watching Kung Fu Panda... ok who actually does that, they totally disregard someones feeling and go on to talk about what fucking movie they are watching with the guy that they left the night before with... hmm so not a happy millie, Then last night i get a phonecall, it T shes in tears, she cant believe what she did, shes so stupid she shouldve have done it, blah blah blah blah blah tbh because yeah i think she thinks she means it but its like, hang on this is happened before, but last time it was with my brother, love you need to get yourself sorted out, this is still my turf, it doesnt matter how much attention your getting from them, i was born here i grew up here and i introduced you to these people, you need to think about it. AHHH!! i dont know what to do likes because today i was refusing to speack to her and i came out of my graphics exam and she was there and she was all BABE how are you? giving me a hug and its like for fuck sake i cant be dealing with that, just piss off because you cant expect after one teary phonecall that everything is going to magic itself better, these things take time, and tbqh i need time to decide if she deserves to be forgiven becuase like the more i write about it the more pathetic it seems me being so annoyed but then i remember quite how crap i felt when i realised she had left with him and there was absolutly nothing i could do about it, i guess its one of those times when i love someone so much and care about them so much that when they go and do something stupid i worry a hell of a lot and then im angry because its like they dont appear to give a damn about me. and it really doesnt matter what she says atm its all looking like an atempt to make me forgive her, which isnt going to happen for a while, and the thing is that it kills me to ignore her, i love her to bits and dont want to ignore her but i really dont want to talk to her either becuase its like, what the helll am i suppsoed to say, i let her have her piece, i let her explain herslef but her excuses just werent working for me, and maybe your thinking im a total bitch but hey i dont know why im so angry for such a petty thing that doesnt really involve me but i am, so i will be, its the kinda person i am. And its like i have other reasons to be angry i get the feeling that she usually only shows she loves me when she wants to do something or wants something of mine, she had my straigtners for over a week, and no i dont mind but it sucks when you go to use them and rememeber they arent there, and its stupid stuff like on THursday night, we were recording this song that i've written for my dad for christmas and then we went up to talk to my step-mum for a wee bit and i was like, shall we go back down and do some more and she was all nahh im tired lets just leave it and go to bed and then she procceds to be all chatty and shit when we are in bed, and its like if you were tired you wouldnt be sitting talking at me!! AHHHHHHHHHHH! but yeah, frustration out of the way. i'm sorry that you just wasted that amount of time reading that pathetic blog about pathetic stuff, but yeah..
much love
M
p.s going into art tomorrow, gonna spend the day painting and sketching YAY! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)