Its ridiculous... I made my blog so that I could write what I thought and not worry about people finding out what I thought or how I felt... now I can't say anything anymore... I have to filter it. Because as much as I trust everyone that reads my blog. I really can't say some of the things I want to say. And before you all go and freak out and think that you've done something to annoy/ upset me. I want to tell you this, the world does not revolve around you. This is my blog, here the world revolves around me. And this stuff is purely me. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else for that matter, ok thats a lie, it is to do with other people. But its not things I want to share but I need to get out of my system and putting things on my blog, so I could see the words and know that they are finally out, thats when I know I don't need to think about them anymore but no. I can't even have that anymore.. I guess before it was ok, because I was using my blog to talk to you, without talking to you.. and that is all well and good. But there are things I don't want to tell everyone about but I need to figure out in my mind.. for various reasons, you worry, you don't approve, you judge. Whatever the reason, I don't want you to read it. And that is the only thing that it is. And I don't want texts, or emails, or phone calls asking if i'm ok, and I know that you will all discuss this amongst yourself, knock yourselves out tbh I'm past caring. I stopped caring a long time ago. Say what you want, speculate all you want. This is my story and i'm keeping it. The fact that my space is no longer my space.. is irrelevent. I have to keep my secrets, everyone has secrets. Just some people display them more publicly than others.. but everyone has something they havent told anyone, something that is purely theirs and that is all I want. And its not that I dont trust you, or I don't love you or whatever the hell you are going to think up to make it seem like it has something to do with you. NOT EVERYTHING IS TO DO WITH YOU! Seriously get over yourself. Tbh I'm fed up with every situation no matter who its about returns to have something to do with you. And thats another thing. I feel that I can't write things that I want to blog about because it will upset people... the whole point of this bloody thing was so that I didn't upset people but still got to channel my thoughts.. I should never told anyone about it. I'm such an idiot.
So in conclusion this will be my last post for a while, if not forever. This blog was good for what I wanted it for until it lost its purpose and I had to start thinking about what I wrote. Then it failed because that was the point. I don't need to think, I can just write and get all the messed up thoughts out of my head and onto my blog.
Goodbye
Much love
M
x
Small things affect people in big ways. Small things that wouldn’t mean anything to some people can mean the world to another. It’s like when a person who loves you smiles at you, it’s nothing special, yet feels utterly magical. Some say that it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But in the time after love is lost you can feel as if you never wanted it in the first place.
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Monday, 16 February 2009
15.02.09
hello fair blog readers.
how are we all... bet you dont feel as shite as me because i do feel truely crappy :)
i appear to have some form of flu..
so i am going to go to sleep
xxxxxxxxxx
how are we all... bet you dont feel as shite as me because i do feel truely crappy :)
i appear to have some form of flu..
so i am going to go to sleep
xxxxxxxxxx
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Saturday, 31 January 2009
31st Janurary 2009
Well i'm sure your all dying to know the inside scoop on what has been going on with me and stu this last week.. so i thought i would use this quiet moment to let you in on the secret. The words you read should not be spoken of, to me or to anyone else... apart from each other if you feel like anlaysing... what am i saying... your gonna talk to me about it anyway... :L
But yes.. Master Roger and our fucked up relationship.
As you know we've got pretty close lately and then on sunday he kinda told me that he still felt attracted to me. Its messed up and then we were totally flirting and stuff and we were on msn and we got into, not a fight exactly, more of a i got upset type of thing. but yeah hence why i was upset on Thursday, i felt bad for letting us get too close but i didnt want to talk to stu because i knew that i wasnt going to like what he was going to say and then that just made it worse.. but yeah and then he told me i was being silly and we can just be us, not complicated at all ... and then i made (what i felt was) the valid point of we are never going to be simple.. but yeah. so thats the deal. you may now conferr and get back to me on how much of a bad person i am for pretty mcuh encouraging a guy to cheat on his girlfriend etc and yeah.
Love M
xx
But yes.. Master Roger and our fucked up relationship.
As you know we've got pretty close lately and then on sunday he kinda told me that he still felt attracted to me. Its messed up and then we were totally flirting and stuff and we were on msn and we got into, not a fight exactly, more of a i got upset type of thing. but yeah hence why i was upset on Thursday, i felt bad for letting us get too close but i didnt want to talk to stu because i knew that i wasnt going to like what he was going to say and then that just made it worse.. but yeah and then he told me i was being silly and we can just be us, not complicated at all ... and then i made (what i felt was) the valid point of we are never going to be simple.. but yeah. so thats the deal. you may now conferr and get back to me on how much of a bad person i am for pretty mcuh encouraging a guy to cheat on his girlfriend etc and yeah.
Love M
xx
Sunday, 25 January 2009
its been a while... .
heya.
Well i know its been a while, but i was christmas and new year and then ski trip and all and then i got back to school and i've been so busy its unreal. But yeah. Quite a bit has happened.. but tbh im too tired and i cant really be bothered to reel off all the stuff that happened so that no one can read it.
Main things..
People don't appreciate the truth. i get that now. and so i shall stop telling people what i think becuase if its going to hurt them then there really is no point.
School is fucking stressful man! why does everyhting have to be done and learnt all at the same time. its totally unreasonable... and ive decided that anyone who can coast their standard grades is obviously a fecking genius... becuase there is no way i am going to get the results i want/need without putting in so much hard work but hey thats life i suppose.
but yeah i cant be bothered to write anymore..
but one last thing.
Burger i love you. you are so special to me. and no more nasty thoughts about me not loving you as much as i should.
ILY
xxxx
<3
Well i know its been a while, but i was christmas and new year and then ski trip and all and then i got back to school and i've been so busy its unreal. But yeah. Quite a bit has happened.. but tbh im too tired and i cant really be bothered to reel off all the stuff that happened so that no one can read it.
Main things..
People don't appreciate the truth. i get that now. and so i shall stop telling people what i think becuase if its going to hurt them then there really is no point.
School is fucking stressful man! why does everyhting have to be done and learnt all at the same time. its totally unreasonable... and ive decided that anyone who can coast their standard grades is obviously a fecking genius... becuase there is no way i am going to get the results i want/need without putting in so much hard work but hey thats life i suppose.
but yeah i cant be bothered to write anymore..
but one last thing.
Burger i love you. you are so special to me. and no more nasty thoughts about me not loving you as much as i should.
ILY
xxxx
<3
Saturday, 10 January 2009
10.01.09
Well i'm back.
France was amazing..
I met some wonderful people to start the new year off to, which was awesome!
i shall name as many as i can.
Alex (little legs) - Cute as likes, he was working as a waiter at the hotel we were staying at (ok everyone but one is someone who works at the hotel) and he was dead lovely! he sang with me at the karaoke! :)
Jayde- lovelyful barmaid.. just sat and chatted to her quite a bit, lovely lovely person.. and reminded me alot of flo :L
Duncan - the other bar guy... man does this guy make a nice cocktail ;) and hes not too bad looking either, hes from newtonmore and an actual babe! you can sit and talk to him for aggers and it doesnt seem like that long :L
Adam - the ski tech. really nice.. he was ill though :(
Jack - a guy from the "other" school he was the only one that seemed to be like us, the rest were a bit posh for me tbh
thats the people i dont think ill forget but there was also Jo, Eugean, Rachel and Hans.. they are all ace and all made my ski trip so wonderfully awesome! +D
France was amazing..
I met some wonderful people to start the new year off to, which was awesome!
i shall name as many as i can.
Alex (little legs) - Cute as likes, he was working as a waiter at the hotel we were staying at (ok everyone but one is someone who works at the hotel) and he was dead lovely! he sang with me at the karaoke! :)
Jayde- lovelyful barmaid.. just sat and chatted to her quite a bit, lovely lovely person.. and reminded me alot of flo :L
Duncan - the other bar guy... man does this guy make a nice cocktail ;) and hes not too bad looking either, hes from newtonmore and an actual babe! you can sit and talk to him for aggers and it doesnt seem like that long :L
Adam - the ski tech. really nice.. he was ill though :(
Jack - a guy from the "other" school he was the only one that seemed to be like us, the rest were a bit posh for me tbh
thats the people i dont think ill forget but there was also Jo, Eugean, Rachel and Hans.. they are all ace and all made my ski trip so wonderfully awesome! +D
Sunday, 4 January 2009
To my dearest Kierann cuzzy ;)
Heya babe...
Tis your birthday today ain't it :L
well this is the beginning of the 2 months and 13 days where we're the same age.... make the most of it ;)
I just want to say Thank you. For making my christmas holidays so much fun, you were there for silly times and serious times and it means a lot. it really really does :)
I know that we say were family, but i have to say your a friend before your family.
What i said before, i meant it. She's a lucky girl. and i somehow don't think she realises quite how lucky she is.
You may live what feels like a milllion miles away but your always close lovely :)
True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side
"Of all the door’s I have gone through in life, none was more inviting, welcoming and heartfilled than the one that led me to you..... shame i hit my head on the way up though....."
Means a lot that your in my life these days and i plan to make you stay for quite a while my dearest...
But yes... i hope you have a very happy birthday and don't do anything that i wouldn't do.... :/ ok scratch that... do whatever the hell you like becuase tbh you'd do it anyway :P
Love you lots and lots babe...
Em-Em
p.s Millie is cooler than Kieran! - FACT!!!!
<3
Tis your birthday today ain't it :L
well this is the beginning of the 2 months and 13 days where we're the same age.... make the most of it ;)
I just want to say Thank you. For making my christmas holidays so much fun, you were there for silly times and serious times and it means a lot. it really really does :)
I know that we say were family, but i have to say your a friend before your family.
What i said before, i meant it. She's a lucky girl. and i somehow don't think she realises quite how lucky she is.
You may live what feels like a milllion miles away but your always close lovely :)
True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side
"Of all the door’s I have gone through in life, none was more inviting, welcoming and heartfilled than the one that led me to you..... shame i hit my head on the way up though....."
Means a lot that your in my life these days and i plan to make you stay for quite a while my dearest...
But yes... i hope you have a very happy birthday and don't do anything that i wouldn't do.... :/ ok scratch that... do whatever the hell you like becuase tbh you'd do it anyway :P
Love you lots and lots babe...
Em-Em
p.s Millie is cooler than Kieran! - FACT!!!!
<3
Saturday, 3 January 2009
Friday, 2 January 2009
Thursday, 1 January 2009
=[
i hate it when people are angry with me... esp when its not my fault..
and i hate it when people take the piss, when its obv they've gone to far.
meh
ski trip tomorrow. ... yay
x
and i hate it when people take the piss, when its obv they've gone to far.
meh
ski trip tomorrow. ... yay
x
Friday, 26 December 2008
=]
heya guys.. hows everyone ?
well it was christmas yesterday... its that nice.. i had a really good time +D
SM's family are actually really soudn.. i was a bit worried about meeting them all and that, because like they all know each other so well and i well... dont.
but yeah christmas was really fun and all that jazz.. just thought i'd check in and all ;)
but yeah my new cousin that i inherited when the rents got married.. Kieran (from now on K) he's really nice... we've stayed up really late at night just talking about life and stuff and he can totally deal with me crying and shit which is awesome +D
he really made my christmas.. i totally mis everyone and hes there to talk to and stoof
its ace +D
well gotta fly
talk later
xxxxxx
well it was christmas yesterday... its that nice.. i had a really good time +D
SM's family are actually really soudn.. i was a bit worried about meeting them all and that, because like they all know each other so well and i well... dont.
but yeah christmas was really fun and all that jazz.. just thought i'd check in and all ;)
but yeah my new cousin that i inherited when the rents got married.. Kieran (from now on K) he's really nice... we've stayed up really late at night just talking about life and stuff and he can totally deal with me crying and shit which is awesome +D
he really made my christmas.. i totally mis everyone and hes there to talk to and stoof
its ace +D
well gotta fly
talk later
xxxxxx
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
23.12.08
sorry i havent written in a while, but tbhi couldnt be bothered...
but yeah i was talking to some of my family (on my step mum's side :L its awfy confusing)
but yeah and Becky (my stepmums sister) and Mark (stepmums cousin) said something that really got me thinking.. they were talking about something that happened to my stepmum that i appear to know ardly anything about.. which i thought i knew quite alot about but anyway...
yeah they were just talking about how its not what bullshit you are put through, its how you deal with it that makes you who you are... then becky made a comment about how it was the first time she had seen me actually sit up and listen and absorb what someone was saying but it was kind of relevent, i was just thinking of all the bull that ive been through in the last couple of years and it was all really relevent and that.. and i was just sitting listening. and i dunno.. i just wanted to cry, if i think of all the things that have happened.. not just to me but to my friends its crazy shit.. and yeah i was just thinking about it... and yeah...
but yeah i was talking to some of my family (on my step mum's side :L its awfy confusing)
but yeah and Becky (my stepmums sister) and Mark (stepmums cousin) said something that really got me thinking.. they were talking about something that happened to my stepmum that i appear to know ardly anything about.. which i thought i knew quite alot about but anyway...
yeah they were just talking about how its not what bullshit you are put through, its how you deal with it that makes you who you are... then becky made a comment about how it was the first time she had seen me actually sit up and listen and absorb what someone was saying but it was kind of relevent, i was just thinking of all the bull that ive been through in the last couple of years and it was all really relevent and that.. and i was just sitting listening. and i dunno.. i just wanted to cry, if i think of all the things that have happened.. not just to me but to my friends its crazy shit.. and yeah i was just thinking about it... and yeah...
Sunday, 14 December 2008
14.12.08
heya.
Well this weekends been a bit exciting hasnt it... :L
not really just really, really busy... meh
I was working, first christmas party i've done of the season .
i started work at 10:30am on saturday and didnt get away until 1:45am sunday... was a leetle tired, to say the least.. :L
meh
Cant be bothered to write..
toodles .
xx
Well this weekends been a bit exciting hasnt it... :L
not really just really, really busy... meh
I was working, first christmas party i've done of the season .
i started work at 10:30am on saturday and didnt get away until 1:45am sunday... was a leetle tired, to say the least.. :L
meh
Cant be bothered to write..
toodles .
xx
Friday, 12 December 2008
what about now?
What the hell?!
this has all got totally confused and fucked up?!
i try and help my friend because if im perfectly honest he needs it because everyone is running around trying to make Gem feel better, but has anyone actually stopped and thought about how he might be feeling? no, didnt think so. and yeah before you go on about it, i know hes the one that dumped her but ive had to dump guys in the past and you feel like fucking shite after, and if no ones noticed hes been wasted every weekend since.. hmm no one realised, didnt think so.
maybe its just me that thinks this way becuase as soon as i start to spend a little time with him and try and talk to him and help him with his problems (OMG! i know a teenage boy that has problems, crazy stuff that.. he doesnt understand girls?! no! -cant you just feel the sarcasim-) i get asked if im secretly dating him, for christ sake, he's one of my best mates ex boyfriends of like 2 weeks ago why the hell would i do that to her??! after sitting with her the other night and sitting up til like 2 am talking about it we're ex's it didnt work last time, why would it work this time?
and yeah maybe shes upset and scared and stuff and yeah thats understandable but excuse me, i have shit going on too, ive been in tears for the last couple of days and feeling completely shit, and i dont know why, but has that made me accuse my so called best mates of backstabbing and lying and being a shit friend.. amazingly no!
im so pissed of because we all have shit going on and its not fair, i hate making people upset and i could tell by her blog that she was on the verge of hating me forever. and all over wanting to be friends with my ex. maybe being mates with him isnt such a good idea. i should probs mention it to him, go back to the shit way it was before when he would hardly talk to me.. yay.
meh
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
this has all got totally confused and fucked up?!
i try and help my friend because if im perfectly honest he needs it because everyone is running around trying to make Gem feel better, but has anyone actually stopped and thought about how he might be feeling? no, didnt think so. and yeah before you go on about it, i know hes the one that dumped her but ive had to dump guys in the past and you feel like fucking shite after, and if no ones noticed hes been wasted every weekend since.. hmm no one realised, didnt think so.
maybe its just me that thinks this way becuase as soon as i start to spend a little time with him and try and talk to him and help him with his problems (OMG! i know a teenage boy that has problems, crazy stuff that.. he doesnt understand girls?! no! -cant you just feel the sarcasim-) i get asked if im secretly dating him, for christ sake, he's one of my best mates ex boyfriends of like 2 weeks ago why the hell would i do that to her??! after sitting with her the other night and sitting up til like 2 am talking about it we're ex's it didnt work last time, why would it work this time?
and yeah maybe shes upset and scared and stuff and yeah thats understandable but excuse me, i have shit going on too, ive been in tears for the last couple of days and feeling completely shit, and i dont know why, but has that made me accuse my so called best mates of backstabbing and lying and being a shit friend.. amazingly no!
im so pissed of because we all have shit going on and its not fair, i hate making people upset and i could tell by her blog that she was on the verge of hating me forever. and all over wanting to be friends with my ex. maybe being mates with him isnt such a good idea. i should probs mention it to him, go back to the shit way it was before when he would hardly talk to me.. yay.
meh
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thursday, 11 December 2008
11.12.08
i hate my violin
i hate school
i hate boys
i hate theories
i hate art essays
i hate,
i hate,
i hate.
it always seems to be i hate with me..
im actually a nervous wreck at the moment
i dont get anything right
i'm totally stressing over stupid things that arent needed
and then there is the stuff thats important and the people that are important and its like im always missing them out...
and then i stress more because im missing them out
and the circle beings again..
meh
x
i hate school
i hate boys
i hate theories
i hate art essays
i hate,
i hate,
i hate.
it always seems to be i hate with me..
im actually a nervous wreck at the moment
i dont get anything right
i'm totally stressing over stupid things that arent needed
and then there is the stuff thats important and the people that are important and its like im always missing them out...
and then i stress more because im missing them out
and the circle beings again..
meh
x
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
blah blah blah
ey up.
well i'm having a loverly day i am.. its really boring actually, imma just in art, im supposed to be writing a critical about poster designers, but tbqh i really cant be bother atm, i just cant think just now. ach wells..
but yeah dont really know what to say..
Favourite song of the moment... speeding cars by imogen heap...
Here's the day you hoped would never come
don't feed me violins just run
with me
through rows of speeding cars
the paper cuts the cheating lovers
the coffees never strong enough
i know you think its more than just bad luck
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie
never far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this...
now's a bad a time as any
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
love it!
Much love
M
xx
well i'm having a loverly day i am.. its really boring actually, imma just in art, im supposed to be writing a critical about poster designers, but tbqh i really cant be bother atm, i just cant think just now. ach wells..
but yeah dont really know what to say..
Favourite song of the moment... speeding cars by imogen heap...
Here's the day you hoped would never come
don't feed me violins just run
with me
through rows of speeding cars
the paper cuts the cheating lovers
the coffees never strong enough
i know you think its more than just bad luck
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie
never far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this...
now's a bad a time as any
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
love it!
Much love
M
xx
Monday, 8 December 2008
08.12.08
*nod*
hey guys
how are you?
i've had a leetle bit of a busy weekend have i..
It started on friday when i stayed at MidgetGems, then got up saturday morning and went shopping in stirling, then the pantomime then to jimmy chungs for tea, then to Katts house for a party then T came and stayed at mine and then on sunday i went to pizza hut and the cinema.. i woke up this morning feeling more tired than i was when i left for gems on friday :L lol
ach wells
was all funsies :)
Much love
M
xxx
hey guys
how are you?
i've had a leetle bit of a busy weekend have i..
It started on friday when i stayed at MidgetGems, then got up saturday morning and went shopping in stirling, then the pantomime then to jimmy chungs for tea, then to Katts house for a party then T came and stayed at mine and then on sunday i went to pizza hut and the cinema.. i woke up this morning feeling more tired than i was when i left for gems on friday :L lol
ach wells
was all funsies :)
Much love
M
xxx
Friday, 5 December 2008
5.12.08
hello there my lovelys
sorry i havent posted in a couple of days ive just been so tired, its ridiculous..
well this evening i'm stayinga t my wonderful friend migetgems, this is because
1) i love her to bits
and
2) my younger sister is having a birthday party which involves her and 5 other 12 year old girls running around my house and gems is so calming in comparison even with her annoying 7 year old brother :P
ach wells
OH yeah i forgot, im writing a lyrics for a song for my friend, and ex MM's invention... i love him to bits i do :) and i really want to help becuase i know that as well as doing this for his school work he needs to work some stuff out in his head aswell
i hope i help.... :S
well thats all really... oh and i watched FAME for the first time today, it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
much love
M
xxx
sorry i havent posted in a couple of days ive just been so tired, its ridiculous..
well this evening i'm stayinga t my wonderful friend migetgems, this is because
1) i love her to bits
and
2) my younger sister is having a birthday party which involves her and 5 other 12 year old girls running around my house and gems is so calming in comparison even with her annoying 7 year old brother :P
ach wells
OH yeah i forgot, im writing a lyrics for a song for my friend, and ex MM's invention... i love him to bits i do :) and i really want to help becuase i know that as well as doing this for his school work he needs to work some stuff out in his head aswell
i hope i help.... :S
well thats all really... oh and i watched FAME for the first time today, it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
much love
M
xxx
Tuesday, 2 December 2008
02.12.08
oi oi oi, hows you all going?
well i've had some FABBYYYY news today :D:D:D:D:D
My friend who i thought might have had cancer, DOESNT!!!!!!!!!!! XDXD
i'm so happy :) i was so worriedful and now i dont need to worry about scary things like her dying or being uber ill or anything..
YAY!
well ski trip blog totally offically set up :)
woop woop
lol
i really cant think of anything to write :L
MUCH LOVE
M
xxxxxxxxx
well i've had some FABBYYYY news today :D:D:D:D:D
My friend who i thought might have had cancer, DOESNT!!!!!!!!!!! XDXD
i'm so happy :) i was so worriedful and now i dont need to worry about scary things like her dying or being uber ill or anything..
YAY!
well ski trip blog totally offically set up :)
woop woop
lol
i really cant think of anything to write :L
MUCH LOVE
M
xxxxxxxxx
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