Well that totally didn't last.
I feel kind of bad that before I write a post I check where my blog is up to and then kinda back track until everything is up to speed. But then again, im kinda busy and dont spend that much time on the computer.
Anyway as I was saying. It didn't last, I think deep down I knew it wouldn't. It wasnt really his fault, or my fault or anything, he simply got bored of me. Thats what he told me and I believe him. He told me he was a dick to start with and that he would fuck it up, and I guess he was right about that. I really did hope that he wasnt.
Well on to more recent news.
I went up to Aberdeen on Wednesday. It was really nice to see Gemma and Dani, but I was also really jealous. It sounds really stupid and I know im doing amazing things and getting to further my career and all that stuff but all i want at the moment is to have my friends about and theyre all up in Aberdeen partying like its 1999 and going to UNI and doing all that stuff and even when I went up, I dunno, its all that being in a three thing does to a group, it was always 2-1 not necassarily the same people but it always seemed to end up like that. It was quite fun to start with because we were all catching up and we got to see Gems halls and we ordered pizza and made sex on the beach. And then I had to go to the hospital (more on that later) and then when I got back to Dani's halls it was very much a case of me and Gem and Dani and her flatmates. Which I guess would be normal because its dani's routine and stuff but it was still kinda awkward, and it was like that for the rest of the night, well on and off. But I know that I love them both and were still really good friends but it was a little hard at times.
And Dani and her new boyfriend, - I absolutely love the fact she is really happy and they are totally cute together, would have liked to have spoken to him some more, but I guess I can do that another time :)
It was lovely to speak to Gemma, it felt like I hadnt spoken to her in months even though I spoke to her just before she left for Uni...
I miss those girls, a lot... it even sounds pathetic in my head, but what you gonna do, eh?
Then there is why I was hospital, My grandad is incredibly ill, but before I went up to Aberdeen I didnt know he was in hospital so I didnt think it was that bad, and then I got to hospital and I saw him lying there and it was horrible, and then when I saw my auntie from England i realised quite how bad it was. He's got an infection that is attacking his heart that isn't very strong as it is, and before he was admitted to hospital he had 2 medium sized heart attacks. Because of the condition he heart is in, he is collecting fluid in his lungs and the infection is also attacking his kidneys and essentially his vital organs are shutting down. I was sitting round his bed, Grizzy and Auntie Kate on one side and Auntie clare on the other and the only person that was really missing was my dad and I think that hurt more than thinking that Gramps was going to die, was thinking my dad might not even make time to see his own father before he died.
I felt really bad when I got back to Dani's and I had to phone dad and say that I would go look after the kids because I just broke down, Ive never really been that close with Gramps and I didnt even cry when Grampy died but everything seemed to hit me at once, the fact that gramps was dying and dad wasnt there and I really wasnt prepared to deal with it all. I then had to deal with a 20 minute lecture from my work about how I was inconviencing them because I needed time off work to look after Ben and Max for dad. I stupidly decided that going out and getting drunk was the best way to solve this.
It wasnt.
I got really upset randomly and this guy that I was chatting to who lived in the flat across from Dani had to deal with me crying my eyes out. Gemma came home with me and I dont know if she genuinely wanted to come back or if she was doing it for my benefit but either way Im incredibly grateful because I could see myself being led by that guy and doing something stupid that I wouldve regretted.
The next day I got up and was in a complete zombie mode. I felt like shit, my eyes didnt want to work and I really didnt want to go back to the hospital, but I did and Im really glad that I did, because i got to see Grizzy and sit and have a chat with her which was great. Gramps was quite bad that day, and kept saying things that didnt make sense and If im honest there is a big part of me that wouldve been happier not to see it.
He's getting slightly better though, he's off the oxygen, except from when hes sleeping so thats a big step and apparently hes making more sense in what hes saying. - Its all looking a little more hopeful.
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