Lifes a bitch.. but i guess we all knew that... oh and some good news aswell :D:D

heya guys, well quite a few things have happened since i last wrote.. which is quite impressive since i wrote the other day....

well shall i start with the good news or the mmhhhmmm i dunno what kinda news it is, type news? ?

i'll start with the good news because well ITS AWESOME news....

MY BURGER IS FINE!!!, well not fine exactly, but shes not horribly ill like they thought she might be... i'm so happy, the one thing i said would take my scare away and then the next week she said it... it's awesome to know that shes ok..... im just sooo happy, my burger sin't going no where :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Now to the mhhhmm i dont know what kinda news it is kinda news....

Well i went to a gig last thursday and it was ok-ish apart from the fact that my loverly twiggy hardly spoke to me for the first 2 hours, but i gues that was stress and half the people that i really wanted to see werent there... oh and the fact that Boyage ignored me the whole night!!!!!

well i texted him the other day telling him he had until the end of the holidays to explain what the hell was going on, and guess what... no reply.... until last night, when i gave him a little reminder.. here's our whole convo...


ME:

7 days and counting... i'm waiting

Boy:

ok basically i have a girlfriend and the other thing is i wasnt ready for you being so up close to me around everyone i'm sorry k x

ME:

**** why do you do this to me, tell me you love me and cant wait to see me and the after i manage to get time off work and travel half the country to see you and my mates (half of who didnt turn up in the end) and you pretty much ignore me all night. Just tell me whats wrong with me please

Boy:

Nothing is wrong with you its me im a fucking idiot and i will never deserve someone as amazing as you so you are probably better off forgetting about me x

Me:

Thats what my friends say but **** i dont want to forget about you, you make me feel special but i guess im gona have to arent i x

Boy:

Im sorry you dont have to but its totally your decision x

Me:

If your with some other girl (who is she btw) your hardly gona want to talk to me, one thing i want to know, were you telling the truth when you said you loved me?

Boy:

It's ***** *** and yes i was x

Me:

is it still true?

Boy:

Ye x

Me:

do yo uwant me to forget about you?? (last question) why didnt you just tell me about *****? x

Boy:

i dont want you to but its your choice and i didnt have credit to text you sorry x

Me:

Your such a bastard.. but you were mine... you said forever. i hate you but love you at the same time, i really dont know what to do, im gonna bave to think about it. i was so angry and hurt, now im just upset... if you were in my place what would you do?? x

Boy:

I honestly dont know

Me:

i want to forgive you but i know that when you and ***** split you come to me until you find yourself a new girlfriend, i know thats what'll happen and i dont want to get hurt again.... but i miss you so much x

Boy:

It wont if things dont work out between me and ***** i wont come to you unless you want me x

Me:

Thats the problem... i do, so much, but i know you bad, yet so good... your heart is pure but your mind is currupted... x

Boy:

yep thats me x

Me:

i just want to hug you so bad, and have your pure heart all to myself. But its *****'s now. Now i know why people get upset at breakups i'm gonna stop talking now im just being mean. i dont want you to feel bad about this you and ***** will be happy But i just want my **** back. miss you night xx

Boy:

miss you too xx

so yeah thats what went down the other night... tbh im not proud of most of what i said and i shouldnt have said it, looking backi totally colasped... i was supposed to be angry.. look how long that lasted...

well thats what happened..

xx

la la la

FINSIHED WORK!!!!!!!1
yay!
im gonna go home and eat my tea and do my homework like a good wee gurlie..

i cant believe that my parents are turning on me, i didnt have those drinks that my dad obviously thinks i did, i cant believe he doesnt trust me.


x

#1

well i suppose i shall just type some random shizz about something, i just got this new app you see on my laptop and its blogger that is on your desktop so whenever you want to do some blogging you just write into the box and for some reason its soo much easier than actually going on to blogger and typing out a blog....

oh well there is another snippet of randomness for today :)

work...

ok, offically pissed off.. sitting at work and dad was away having his lunch break and he was pronting something or summat and then he ran outta paper, so kulli put more in and then it printed more leaflet things and she needed to print her plane ticket, so i cancelled the leaflet printing thing and then dad came in and got really pissed off because i had cancelled it, every other time ive done it.. what the hells the deal with the people here... its ridiculous!!!!!!

over and out
x

maybe im broken....

"Broken Wings"

Thank you for being such a friend to me
Oh I pray a friend for life
And have I ever told you how much you mean to me
Oh, you mean so much to me
I'm thinking all the time
How to tell you what I feel
I'm contemplating phrases
I'm gazing at eternity
I am floating in serenity

And I am so lost for words
And I am so overwhelmed

Please don't go just yet
Can you stay a moment please
We can dance together
We can dance forever

Under your stars tonight
We'll live and breathe this dream

So close your eyes
but don't dream too deep
And please pass me some memories
And when I fall you're underneath
1000 broken hearts
Carried by 1000 broken wings

its so much easier looking in....

i feel like shit.

simple really
and to be honest i really dont know why, well i think i know why but i dont if that makes sense.

yeah this weekend was good and bad and all banterful at the same time i dunno, i just dunno anymore.

i miss the old days and i know that i shouldn't and that isnt true its not that i miss the old days i miss the days that were simple and i just did what i felt like and i didnt worry about things, not money, not what people thought, not what my parents viewed me as and if theey trusted me, i knew they trusted me.. and everything changed.

i hate change.. it sucks and should be banned.


i haate the fact that i can take other peoples problems and give them a simple solution that will work but when its my problems i sit and i think about them for hours and nothing seems to get any simpler..

everyone keeps telling me i help them but thing is i never feel that way, it doesnt seem to matter how much they tell me they love me and that i help them so much, i have this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that they dont really love me, they just think they do.. i'm the most cynical person that i know and i hate it..

the main things that are upsetting me at the moment;

Boyage: WTF?! i dunno what hes about and i dunno whats going through his head, i really want to make it work but i dont know if i can trust him or not and i know that some of my friends say to leave him, but when im with him i dunno, its exciting but i feel totally safe.
its strange and i cnat explain it...

SuperD: i love him... no thats not right because at 15 you rarely feel love, and i duno hes older, hes lovely i dunno if i like him as a friend or more i just know that i really feel safe around him and that hes leaving..

everyone is leaving.. well not everyone is leaving its a total over exageration, it feels like everyones leaving me behind...

shes ill, she might be really ill, they dont know, its horrible not knowing i think if i knew it would help.. but i dunno. i hate not being able to talk about it but i promised and thats one promise im not going to break. not now not ever...

my dad.. i love him so much yet its so hard. its like i want to agree with you because thats what ive grownup believing, daddys always right and now when i do disagree its like, i must be wrong, dad always knows better.. and hes being so harsh i dont know what to do, its like i do a job and its never good enough, never ever.. i know he loves me so much but there is always more that i need to do.... i think in his head i have the ablities of someone who is older... and when i make some stpid mistake he comes down on me like a ton o bricks and i just want to turn and scream at him, im only 15!!! leave me alone im gonna make mistakes and i know as soon as ive made them that its wrong.. but hey i suppose thats what i get for acting older than i am...


well i have so much more i want to say but im really really tired so maybe ill write more another day

love you
X

30th July 08

Well well well, yeah im at Eastgrange… again.. .I remember this time last year when I was writing blogs at random times when I was supposed to be working and stuff that was werid. I would never do that anymore, I’m too busy working. The T-monster is here at the moment and its awesome to see her but… well yeah. I’m trying to work and stuff and she knows that but SM keeps trying to get me to take time off work to hang out with T and SM and her sister and my family etc…. its not cool because I really need the money and I don’t quite think that they get that quite as much as I first thought they did… Well music man has officially moved on from me, on to one of best friends…. Yeah I’m cool about it and all and im not going to try and stop her or anything because that just wouldn’t be very cool, but I do miss him and I do still think about him and stuff.. But hey she’s happy , he’s happy… I should be happy….


Love you

XXX