I found out recently one of my best friends is moving away up North. Not a huge distance away, a few hours maybe, but she's not going to be round the corner for evenings in, evenings out and trips to Ikea where we play house and shop for cabinets. It's funny, I mean we've both talked to each other so casually about plans of moving to London, New York, further afield, but now it's all starting to happen I'm filled with this rush, this excitement that we are going to live in these places, do all these things. When she let me know I was admittedly indifferent; not because I don't care, but because I know this distance will ultimately mean nothing because we're far too close. I have few people in my life who know me deeply, and even less who know me completely. Then again I don't know if anybody knows anybody completely, and that's probably healthy. I know I'm going to miss her, because she's one of the few people I can sit down and just talk to. Just talk. About anything, any time and anywhere. Most people would tell me to shut-up by the time I get to the recesses of my head, usually because the words don't really fit together and you've got to learn a new kind of sign language, but she listens. It's these kinds of relationships which matter. Those where you could be anywhere; lost in translation, angry, confused, and you'll bring each other back. - Sean Hall
It's taken me until February to do my first post of the year. I want to write a response to one of my best friends, seantalksaboutstuff.blogspot.com. He's amazing and he's always there for me, when I need someone to ramble at or some serious tough love. He always seems to know what to do. We work together, we play together.. we have really important meetings in Nandos together. I will miss him, not because I see him all the time now, quite the contray but because I wont be able to just jump in the car and be there in 20 mins, it will become planned, expectation will be set, spontanity goes out the window. I love the fact that he would just phone me up and 2 hours later we were IKEA taking photos of us messing about with furniture. I will miss him. But I also know that he's still there. Skype exists, people have best friends who live on the other side of the world. So I know we'll be okay.
So quite a lot of change is happening just now. I'm applying for Uni - I have 5 interviews over the next month, I'm moving up North to take on a job I don't know if I can handle. Not because of the work, but because it's with family, and it's always been so hard to be able to live and work beside them.. I am going to try my best to work through it and I think, I hope that I have grown up and matured enough that I will be able to make the best of the situation and have a good time.
I'm not going to lie, I am excited about moving, getting to go back to where I grew up has always appealed to me, there are still a few people, not as many as I would like, that are still around who it will be amazing to have back in my life on a more permanent basis. My brothers, the adult ones as well as the children. I miss them, I really do.
I miss a lot of people, people I used to take forgranted that I would get to speak to everyday, people, that even now I automatically invite to my birthday party or on a night out because I assume they'll want to go. It's that day that your mouse hovers over their name and you think to yourself, do I actually know them enough these days to invite them, that's when it gets scary, and thats when I worry that it's too late. I hope that my friends that I don't get to speak to as much as I would like do not become those friends. I've lost too many already.
I found out today that one of my friends is moving house and trying for a baby, it was really exciting to hear but it worried me that I hadn't realised that they wanted to already. They were talking about loans and morgages, it was quite scary really. Man things move fast in the grown up world.
I know i'm not making much sense, it's late and I'm working on the wickerman with National theatre all week, its going to be amazeballs. but i need to sleep.
Farewell.
