So yeah, so much for posting more.. I found out I can't blog on my iphone... stupid fault!
Well I feel so much worse now than I did when me and Jamie broke up. Its really stupid because I want jamie back, but i know it wont solve anything, the same thing will just happen again.
So since we split i have slept with jamie 4 times, and it was great, the excitment was back and it was fun.. but the more times we do it the less i know it means to jamie and the more i know it means to me, so ive gone cold turkey... If I can't be friends with jamie then im going to have to learn to live without him... im two days in and crying myself to sleep at night.. what kind of a pityful exsistence is that.. Im going to see him on friday because ive got my friends 21st and ive been looking forward to it for months so im going regardless..and i know im supposed to be staying at his but right now i would really rather just sleep in my car becuase i know as soon as i go into his house one thing will lead to another and ill leave the next day feeling like some dirty whore hes picked up on a night out and doesnt give a shit about... and i know thats not completely the case.. i asked him and he said its not meaningless... but he never said it was meaningful either. I cant let myself get hurt like this so im going to have to shut him out. I really dont want to but if thats the way its gotta be then so be it.. i'll fade myself out of the bofa crowd and ill move on with my life.. hopefully im moving to glasgow in september, i can get some new friends and a new life and not forget this year and a half, but stop it from hurting at least.
Ive decided the great thing about blogs is that they dont judge, the people that read them might, but thats not why the majority of these style of blogs are written, the people that read them are merely spectaters and although their opinion is valid it is not the most important. you can write the same thing over and over and over and they wont get bored or walk off or move on with their life... a blog is there happily saving the words and thoughts for when you want to reflect on life.
Blogs show you life can get better and will get better...
and i know it will.. but that will take time and right now i feel like shite.
